I don’t know about you, but I love a good personality quiz. Maybe it’s because I’m too into myself — actually, it’s probably exactly this reason — but it’s fascinating to see how accurate (or not) these results end up being. I love the meaty ones with tons of research and psychological underpinnings like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the Enneagram — even the one about love languages.
I even take the stupid ones on BuzzFeed to see which BTS band member I am despite it immediately bringing me to an existential crisis wherein I debate whether I want my result to be my favorite member (ahem, it’s SUGA) or my favorite member’s BFF in the group. Dilemma. (Alright, you caught me. The only quiz results I want to know is which BTS member is my soulmate. Plot twist: there is no wrong answer. They’re all my soulmates.)
Whenever I meet new people in group chats or on Clubhouse, inevitably, it’s like that first month at college where you forward each other all the chain emails you’ve ever received and demand people fill out these ridiculously long profiles. Oh? Just me? Am I the only one who did this in the ’90s? Anyway, instead of emails because emails are reserved only for work and thus, tedious — we now just politely request new friends take these personality tests because how else can we immediately sort people into boxes from which they can never emerge?
It’s like astrology except based on pseudoscience whereas astrology is based on long dead stars and dead religions. I am here for it!
“Professional” personality assessments
These tests are probably the more “official” personality assessments — often used for screening job candidates or by mental health professionals in therapy. You’ve likely heard about them in whatever circles you’re in because they’re referenced so often, they’ve become part of the cultural background.
Likely one of the most famous self-reported personality tests, the MBTI was created by an American mother-daughter team (Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers) and based on the conceptual theory of psychiatrist Carl Jung. The MBTI sorts people into 16 personalities and is likely what people are talking about when they throw a bunch of letters at you like “ESFJ” (the superior personality type because well, it’s mine). It’s my personal favorite of all the tests because I have found it fits my personal experience of the world the best.
The Enneagram is also gaining popularity in social circles and is what people are generally referring to when they say they’re a number and ask for yours. (No, they’re not asking for your digits.) The Enneagram consists of nine different personality types wherein you are considered a single type, though you can have traits of others. (Ennea is Greek for nine.) While I hate it — for the last twenty years, I’ve gotten a different result every time depending on what mood I’m in — the Enneagram definitely has its staunch supporters.
This isn’t so much a personality quiz as it is an assessment of your top strengths. The theory behind these 34 strengths is that instead of working on your weaknesses, you should play to your strengths. I LOVE this assessment. When I look at the results, I feel known and understood. It’s paid — and the most accurate one is likely the paid one — but there are a few “bootleg” versions available. Many life and career coaches base their practice around the test and I’ve found them incredibly helpful.
Personality quizzes based on pop-culture
Okay, okay. Enough with the “boring” and professional type of personality tests. What we want to know is what Hogwarts house you belong to! (Fuck Gryffindors — yeah, I said it!)
Oh, come on. Does this actually need an explanation? Well, in case you’ve been in a cultural wasteland for the past twenty-odd years (we’re judging you, Los Angeles), this quiz is based off the Harry Potter world created by J.K. Rowling. Hogwarts is the magical school for wizards that Harry attends and there are four houses (it’s a British thing) that you are sorted into and each house has a personality. Ravenclaws are clearly the best.
In the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons, characters fit certain moral alignments based on how they feel about power, morals, society, and government. This quiz is all about seeing where you’d shake out amongst the nine alignments. This is the geek check of all geek checks! Are you a chaotic evil or a lawful good? Don’t know what those words mean? Take the assessment!
Are you still stuck in the worlds of hex/RGB or CMYK for color? That’s so aughties! We’re all about Pantone colors now; keep up. In short, Pantone colors are incredibly specific and have infiltrated the branding as well as government and military terms because of that specificity. Naturally, you can discover which Pantone color you’d be if you were a color! It’s highly scientific. (Also, here’s a super cute version that’s translated from the original Korean.)
Sexy personality assessments
Let’s not beat around the bush (after all, the only beating that should be done is — oh, this is a family site). The quizzes categorizing your sexual proclivities is what the people truly want. Well, here are two to satisfy your salacious tendencies.
Let’s just agree from the jump that the concept of purity is archaic and misogynistic. This test originated from male students at Rice University in 1924 and has been updated to be more inclusive in its language — and ignoring the semantics of purity and all the bullshit it connotes, it’s kind of fun to see how you stack up. The lower the score, the less “wholesome” you are. Fun fact: apparently you can get a negative score — or so I’ve heard.
Even if you’re not into BDSM, this test is worth taking. It’s highly specific and uses language that makes you consider your own kinks, preferences, and boundaries. Ultimately, BDSM is about consent (and where much of our current language for discourse about consent comes from) and it never hurts to know what you find yuck or yum. The explanations are also super helpful — plus, it’s always fun to learn about sex.
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