This year we had our kids go to Target online and put the things they wanted for Christmas in the online cart. My wife and I went through that sucker this weekend to get an idea of the damage, and my 11-year-old son’s gifts added up to a little over $5,400. WTF, son? WTAF?
Not to break your heart, Buddy, but the budget this year is much, much, MUCH smaller than that.
I couldn’t help but think back to a simpler time. To back in the ’80s and ’90s (yes, sadly I’m old enough for my childhood to have spanned both) when we just got goofy-eyed over things in the Sears Catalog. We picked out one or two things we really, really, wanted for Christmas. Then our parents cut that list in half, and we hated them forever for it.
But that’s the thing with the ‘80s and ’90s… it was easier before the Internet. So let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Back to when children didn’t assume that their parents had thousands to spend over the holidays on a hover board and an Xbox.
Here are 16 things that we ’80s and ’90s kids desperately wanted.
1. Nintendo With Laser Gun and Duck Hunt
If this baby was under your tree, all the kids were at your house on New Year’s Eve. ALL of them!
2. My Size Barbie
My stepsister got one of these, and the whole neighborhood was so jealous that they secretly called her a “bitch.” She loved every moment of it.
3. The Clear Phone
If you got one of these, it not only made it feel like you lived in the year 2000, it also meant your parents trusted you with a phone line in your room. I never got one, and I’m still bitter with Trent Johnson because he did.
4. Sony Discman
I got one of these for Christmas along with Green Day’s Dookie album. I listened to it on repeat all of Christmas day, careful not to make any sudden movements so it wouldn’t skip. This whole experience doubled my dexterity.
5. The Barbie Dream House
Call me Ken, but I desperately wanted to live in the Barbie Dream House.
6. Aiwa Multi Disc Stereo System
Try and tell me you didn’t ask for one of these monstrosities? I dare you!
7. Polly Pocket
Polly was THE BOMB! And don’t you forget it.
This was the iPad of the ’80s/’90s. If you got one under your tree, you basically became the Andy Warhol of your neighborhood.
9. Doc Martens
Thanks to the grunge scene, we all wanted these suckers under our tree.
10. Pound Puppies
I got one of these for Christmas and I actually snuggled a hole in it. I called it my love hole. Now I understand why my older brother laughed so much each time I said, “love hole.”
11. Michael Jackson’s Red Leather Jacket
You may not have had the nerve to ask your parents for one of these, but I’m going to go ahead and assume you thought about asking for one.
12. Nintendo Power Pad
My parents bought me this for the same reason every parent bought it for their children: because I was so damn lazy.
13. Pokémon Cards
We just had to catch them all, didn’t we?
14. Nintendo Gameboy
This fit in your pocket. I’m not joking!
My grandmother went full donkey one year and got me a four-foot tall tube of these suckers for Christmas. To this day I’m still not 100% sure I ever understood how to actually play the game.
16. Super Nintendo
Yep, Nintendo basically owned Christmas for two decades. Deal with it!
I’m so wistful after writing this. I miss my childhood (sheds a single tear)… Is this the definitive list of the ’80s and ’90s holiday season? Heck no, it isn’t.