A Guide To Finding Your Astrologically Compatible Sex Partner
The summer my husband and I met, we took a road trip. In those days, there weren’t any cell phones to distract us from each other. No texting. No iPods. No urgent status updates begging for comments. Our car didn’t even have a CD player. And when we managed to find a radio station, it dissolved into static in the middle of every song.
This left only one activity—talking to each other. Which wasn’t really such a bad idea. How else do you get to know one another?
After a while our conversation evolved into game playing. We played the usual ones. Who could name the most states. The most countries. We then moved on to more personal questions. Who had been to the most states, the most countries, the most cities? And then I asked the big question: How many women had he slept with? This meant I, too, had to supply my answer.
I started mumbling names in my head, while counting my fingers, then my toes, my ribs, and I was moving on to other body parts, when my husband grew silent. What could I say? I wasn’t going to lie. I was a free-spirited type of girl.
Of course, since that day, the count has stayed the same. Now that I’m older and supposedly a bit wiser, I’ve been thinking about our sex life.
Our “doing it” has changed as much as the vernacular for the action itself. We’ve gone from those days of hot and heavy headboard banging (before kids) to fooling around between changing diapers, carpooling and Little League games, and have settled into the roles of longtime partners content with coitus and cuddling.
Why have we lasted through so many seasons? I’ve given this question much thought and have landed on one constant factor: our sun signs. Yes, strange as it may be, I think it’s an astrological matching that has kept us together.
I’m a Taurus, an earth element. He’s an Aquarius, which is an air element. Though sun signs typically get along better with their own elements, I think our match works because he can relate to my flights of fancy, and I can understand his love of keeping his feet planted firmly on the ground.
So for those of you still looking for a match made in the heavens, here’s a bit of what I’ve learned:
A fire sign, ruled by Mars, embodies a lot of physical energy and courage. Sex with an Aries can last for hours on end resulting in achy lady parts the next day.
An earth sign, ruled by Venus. With a stubborn streak, a Taurus can hump and bump all night, refusing to give up until you reach sexual satisfaction.
An air sign, ruled by Mercury. Gemini is a super thinker, never at a loss to bring new sex games and toys into the bedroom, bathroom—or perhaps the workplace.
A water sign, ruled by the Moon. Known for their moodiness, one minute they may complain of a headache and the next, wrap their arms around you and demand a sexual favor.
A fire sign ruled by Apollo. Leos can be selfish, thinking only of reaching their Big O, but at the same time their creativity can lead to positions not found in the Kama Sutra.
An earth sign, also ruled by Mercury. They like to take it slow, with everything in order. Details are important to a Virgo. So don’t ever call them by the wrong name.
An air sign, ruled by Venus. They like peace, harmony and stimulating conversation. Talk dirty to a Libra, and you’ll have an erotic adventure like none other. If you can’t talk, try sexting. Just don’t send it to the wrong person by accident.
A water sign, ruled by Pluto. Scorpions tend to be intense and mysterious. They are also known as the sexiest sign in the Zodiac. But don’t tell any of your more predatory friends.
A fire sign, ruled by Jupiter, the king of all gods. They are turned on by exuberance. They love to rough and tumble and can get quite vocal. Close the windows, give the kids earplugs, and move the headboard away from the wall.
An earth sign, ruled by Saturn. Capricorns can be bossy. They like to do things for themselves. If you don’t get the job done, they’ll be just as happy to masturbate.
An air sign, ruled by Uranus. Full-spirited and inventive, sex with an Aquarian may include dildos and love rings. If traveling this summer, be sure to go through airport security in separate lines.
A water sign, ruled by Neptune. There are two sides to most every Pisces, which attracts them to sexual role-playing. Just be careful. You may go to bed with Bruce and wake up with Caitlyn.
I hope this guide helps you in understanding and finding your lifelong sex partner, and you too can stop counting as I have.
These days we only count how many minutes we can stay awake after having sex.
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