This Video Nails What All Moms Need From Santa

A mom’s letter to Santa

Moms, if Santa was real, what would you ask for? You may be thinking along the lines of a cool trip or a year’s supply of Magnum bars — but you’d be thinking small. Why ask for the possible, when you can ask for the impossible — like your old boobs back?

Meredith Masony (the genius behind such viral videos as The Man Cold vs The Mom Cold and Married Sex) has some inspiration for you, ladies. Some things we could all use from Santa.

I’d like my pre-baby vagina back, if at all possible.

I’d also like nipples that weren’t cock-eyed, if at all possible. Maybe they both look in the same direction? Breastfeeding was rough.

I would like to drink a cup of coffee hot, the first time, without warming it up several times due to various interruptions.

Coffee? Hot? Now you’re asking for too much.

“I was in the shower looking at my nipples and thought, ‘Man, I wish they would just look in the same direction,'” Masony of the blog That’s Inappropriate tells Scary Mommy. “I was also going over my kids’ wish lists for Christmas, and it hit me: I need to make a list of my own to Santa.”

Seriously. What about our needs?