Actual Arguments Attempted By My Teenage Sons

by Peyton Price
Originally Published: 

Uttering the syllables “der der der” immediately after you finish talking may be a random coincidence and not intended to imply that you lack intelligence or that I do not respect your point of view.

By glancing away from my phone for three seconds, I fully respected and complied with your direction to “Get off that phone!” because you did not specify a time interval during which I was expected to stay off said phone.

Your directive to “Do something together” was general in nature and therefore clearly encompasses our chosen activity of running through the house and whacking each other with pool noodles, which indisputably constitutes “something.”

If any portion of the iris is still visible to other persons, the eye has not, as a matter of definition, been rolled at those persons.

Because, over a period of years, you established a pattern or practice of asking “Will parents be home?” each time I asked to visit a friend, your failure to ask me on one occasion was reasonably interpreted as a change in the rule, indicating the presence of parents would not be required.

When you yelled, “No gaming!” your arms seemed to be flailing in the general direction of the laptop. Although some of your utterance bordered on unintelligible, we understood “That’s it!” to be a limiting factor in terms of application. Moreover, we noted that you made no discernable physical or verbal indication that the PS4 (located in another room entirely) was included in this sudden and unjustified prohibition.

Everyone else is allowed.

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