Amazon's Grocery Store Of The Future Is Coming And It Has No Registers Or Lines

by Maria Guido
Originally Published: 
Image via Amazon

Amazon Go is coming to a city near you

I need a way to spend more money with Amazon, said no one ever. Whether you want to or not, you will start spending even more of your paycheck on Amazon.

Amazon, the site that allows us to shop for almost everything we need without putting on pants has thought of another genius way to take all of our money: grocery stores without lines, registers, or cashiers. It’s the grocery store of the future and soon we will all be broke. Seriously, we will.

Here’s how it works: you get the Amazon Go app. Then you scan your phone and walk into the store. Then you just throw shit in your bag and Amazon somehow knows what you’ve taken, and also knows if you put it back. Then you just walk out of the freaking store like you own the place. Only, you don’t own the place. You are totally paying for all that stuff. You just don’t realize you’re paying for it, because you don’t have to interact with anyone and it’s all so easy.

This is just trouble. Think of how much crap you would buy if you didn’t have the ceremony of having to look someone in the eye while you bought it? How many times have you been saved by the mere thought of keeping up the illusion that you were a decent human being who would never buy a wedge of brie, Magnum ice cream bars, Ritz crackers, a bottle of Prosecco, and a jar of Nutella, only? We’re all screwed.

I’m just walking right out the door with this sh*t.

That’s right, you walk in the store, grab whatever you want, and walk right out.

I have an entire cheesecake in this bag.

The app automatically charges your Amazon account.

I’ll never have to interact with another person, again.

Okay so the obvious plusses are that you can buy a box of Mallowmars and a Mountain Dew for lunch and no one will ever know. Or is that a minus? The minuses are you aren’t even getting the very minimal interaction we all get with our local shopkeeper. Or is that a plus? We don’t even know. Are the robots taking over? Will swiping our credit cards become as obsolete as writing a check? Will we be able to afford our rent after we’re done willy-nilly gliding in and out of one of these stores? So many questions!

The first Amazon Go store will open in Seattle in early 2017, but Amazon also has plans for two other types of stores that are larger than the convenience store model. “In November, Amazon’s technology team approved a proposal to open large, multifunction stores with curbside pickup capability, clearing the way to start hiring and planning, according to one of the people,” reports the Wall Street Journal. “Two drive-through prototype locations, which don’t offer an in-store shopping option, are also slated to open within the next few weeks in Seattle.”

Will Amazon be as popular if we need to put on a pants to shop there? We shall see.

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