Amber Tamblyn has a story about being “grabbed” that Donald Trump should hear
On Friday, audio leaked of Donald Trump bragging about kissing women without permission and “grabbing them by the pussy.” Those supporters who are still standing by him are screaming “they’re just words!” Those who have experienced sexual assault are being triggered — not only by the audio, but by the flippant way he’s responding to it.
If you’ve ever been confused about what exactly rape culture is — here’s your primer. A man running for office of the President of the United States is caught on tape saying “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait… And when you’re a star, they let you do it, you can do anything… grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”
What’s the big deal.
They’re just words.
It’s locker room talk.
Actor, author, and director Amber Tamblyn came forward yesterday with her own tale of sexual assault. Tamblyn took to Instagram to speak of a former abusive boyfriend, and it’s harrowingly similar to what Trump brags about in the audio he’s trying to dismiss.
“A very long time ago I ended a long emotionally and physically abusive relationship with a man I had been with for some time,” Tamblyn begins her story. “One night I was at a show with a couple girlfriends in Hollywood, listening to a DJ we all loved. I knew there was a chance my ex could show up, but I felt protected with my girls around me. Without going into all the of the details, I will tell you that my ex did show up, and came up to me in the crowd.
“He’s a big guy, taller than me. The minute he saw me, he picked me up with one hand by my hair and with his other hand, he grabbed me under my skirt by my vagina— my pussy?— and lifted me up off the floor, literally, and carried me, like something he owned, like a piece of trash, out of the club. His fingers were practically inside of me, his other hand wrapped tightly around my hair. I screamed and kicked and cried. He carried me this way, suspended by his hands, all the way across the room, pushing past people until he got to the front door. My friends ran after him, trying to stop him. We got to the front door and I thank God his brothers were also there and intervened.”
There’s a reason some men feel like they own women, and it’s not all internal. It’s not just because they are jealous, or manipulative, or violent, or misplaced. It’s because so much of society tells them they are entitled to behave this way; that women are objects to be earned, coveted, and owned. That we have no agency over our own bodies. Amber’s story is a harrowing yet perfect example of this. Women die because men feel they are “owed” parts of a woman that they have no ownership over. Trump’s words further push that narrative. It’s who he is. It’s who so many men are.
And Trump’s apology? He didn’t say, “I should never have spoken about women like they are objects to be taken. I understand that they’re not. I understand that I was wrong. I sincerely apologize to all the women I offended with my vile words.” Instead, he said “I’ve never said I’m a perfect person, nor pretended to be someone that I’m not… Anyone who knows me knows these words don’t reflect who I am.”
He said, “I pledge to be a better man tomorrow and will never, ever let you down.”
Spoken like a true abuser.
“That part of my body, which the current Presidential Nominee of the United States Donald Trump recently described as something he’d like to grab a woman by, was bruised from my ex-boyfriend’s violence for at least the next week,” Tamblyn recounts. “I had a hard time wearing jeans. I couldn’t sleep without a pillow between my legs to create space.”
They’re not just words.
And if you’re writing them off, or excusing them, or pretending like there’s some locker room in hell where people actually speak this way — you’re part of the problem.
“To this day I remember that moment. I remember the shame. I am afraid my mom will read this post. I’m even more afraid that my father could ever know this story. That it would break his heart,” Tamblyn writes. “I couldn’t take that. But you understand, don’t you? I needed to tell a story.”
We understand, Amber. We just wish the rest of the country would. But until they do, we won’t be quiet. Women aren’t objects to be taken, owned, abused. Maybe Trump will finally understand that when he’s pining his loss in November. Because no way is this piece of human garbage getting into office.
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