Amy Schumer Pokes Fun At 'Everybody' Acting Like They Stayed Inside All Pandemic

by Madison Vanderberg
Amy Schumer Instagram

Amy Schumer makes fun of people who claim they’ve been in quarantine

Now that vaccines are getting into arms and more states across the U.S. are approaching something resembling “fully open,” people who have been largely following quarantine orders for the entire year are getting their vaccines and starting to return to “normal life,” and along with that is a huge contingent of Americans now uttering phrases like “I literally haven’t gone outside in a year” and “I haven’t seen anyone outside my family since March 2020!” Well, Amy Schumer hears your pandemic hand-wringing and calls bullshit in a really funny video blasting all the people who “claim” they’ve been huddled in their houses when Schumer knows y’all have pandemic “pods” the size of small classrooms and have been doing the absolute most all year.

“No, you don’t understand, I haven’t seen anyone in like, two years, this is my first time leaving my house,” Amy says to camera, echoing the pandemic refrain we’ve heard too many times in recent weeks.

Then, Amy confronts herself, asking “Didn’t you get a manicure though?” To which Pandemic-Amy retorts, “Yeah but well, it’s crazy I was like crying for someone to touch me because I haven’t left my house in at least a year, maybe nine months.”

Then, when pressed about the kid’s birthday party she went to, Amy again says, “Yes, but that’s a kid’s party and it’s just 26 people and that’s our pod, those people, thats been our pod.”

And finally, when asked how she went on that cruise despite protestations that she hasn’t left her house, Amy goes, “We did go on a Carnival Cruise, but it was just the people on the boat, actually, those people are in our pod and that’s honestly it, I haven’t left my house.”

I mean, the accuracy of it all. Fans weighed in, dying laughing at the reliability, writing things like “Unfortunately I know people who would name dozens of others who were in their ‘pod’ through this whole thing,” and “This is my family. I think they really believe they haven’t been out in a year, yet they constantly do things…it’s weird,” and also, “I can’t even send this to any of my family or friends because this is them!”

At the start of the pandemic, Amy and her family quarantined in a cottage in the middle of Martha’s Vineyard, where she and husband Chris Fischer actually hosted an at-home cooking show. Though her show was deeply entertaining, Schumer says she misses stand-up comedy most of all and back in May 2020 told The New York Times she wasn’t sure how comedy clubs were going to work with masks and social distancing.

“I think it will come back and be fine,” Schumer said. “But it will take a while. Are we going to open it up and people are going to wear bandannas over their mouths so you can’t even hear a laugh? You need masks with good acoustics.”

Doing comedy in a partially reopened comedy club with everyone laughing under masks probably isn’t a comic’s idea of a good time, but as long as Schumer has Instagram and more videos like this one, we’re in.