An Apology To Stay At Home Moms 

SAHD

I owe an apology to women everywhere. Specifically, to stay at home moms.

I used to be like a lot of men who have this notion that mothers who stay home with the kids all day are either not pulling their weight, or are just sitting around doing nothing the entire day. In the past, I would often get agitated with my wife when certain things around the house didn’t get done by the time I got home from work. I was guilty of thinking more than once that “it must be nice to sit around all day and watch TV”.

How wrong was I? Dead wrong.

Fast forward a few years. My wife is now the one of us that goes to an office all day, and I’m now the stay at home dad. At first, I thought it would be a breeze and I’d get things around the house on a better, more efficient system. In fact, one of the first things I did as a stay at home dad was completely rearrange the cabinets and the fridge. I had everything in the fridge lined up, labels facing out, broken down by type of food, condiments, etc. and I was extremely proud of myself.

Wanna know what my fridge looks like today?

fridge

I got off to a really good start, and thought I could carry on that momentum of keeping the house clean, doing laundry, and having dinner on the table when my wife got home from work. Well, I was able to do that for about a week, and now, looking back, I’m not entirely sure how it lasted as long as it did.

You see, I never factored in the roadblocks and daily challenges that come along with being at home with the kids all day long. So, I will break down a more accurate account of my day to show you what I mean…

6:00 AM: I get up, get my wife coffee, get my son in the shower, get his bag packed, make sure his homework is done, and make sure his teeth are brushed.

6:45 AM: I take my son to the bus stop.

7:01 AM: I walk through the door just in time to hear my three year old whining and crying, begging for pancakes and juice. She likes to eat breakfast in bed, while watching her shows on TV.

7:02 AM: She gets her pancakes and juice and I usually get a thumbs up for approval from my daughter, but not always.

7:15 AM: I THINK about taking a shower. I can’t.

7:30 AM: The wife leaves for work.

7:30 AM – 9:00 AM: This block of time is really up in the air. Sometimes I get back in bed with the girls for a while. If I don’t get in bed with them, they get up at 7:30 A.M, and to be honest, I just can’t deal with two girls and all the drama that comes with them when they are exhausted beyond belief and cranky by noon because they got up so early. Plus I work every night until midnight and sometimes I need the extra sleep. However it’s not always restful when every 15 minutes I’m being kicked, rolled on, jumped on, headbutted or asked for a pacifier.

9:00 AM: I get a request (they think I’m a servant from their favorite restaurant called ‘Daddy’s Cafe’) from my three year old that she wants “Chicken Nuggets and Juice”. After telling her it’s too early for Chicken and Juice, she immediately throws down a five minute tantrum until…*drum roll please*… SHE GETS CHICKEN NUGGETS AND JUICE. She leaves me no tip.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


9:05 AM: I try and sit on the couch with my laptop in a feeble attempt at trying to get some work done.

9:06 AM: My 18 month old is now eating chicken nuggets and drinking juice while sitting on my head.

9:15 AM: I brush chicken crumbs from my hair and off of the couch. Sometimes she eats granola bars, and cleaning that up is an entirely different animal.

9:17 AM: Diaper change.

9:20 AM: I sit back down on the couch.

9:21 AM: I’m requested to turn on Sponge Bob SquarePants. (The Splinter episode – I like how they request certain episodes now.)

10:30 AM: The 18 month old naps while the three year old watches TV, plays with her toys, and asks me a question every 20 seconds.

10:35 AM: I finally take a shower.

10:45 AM: Diaper change (the stinky kind).

11:00 AM – 12:00 PM: I manage to sit down and get a few things done for work.

NOTE: It is now NOON and not one ounce of housework has been done.

12:00 – 12:30 PM: The kids eat lunch (surprise-more chicken!) while I do a modest attempt at trying to keep the kitchen clean while cooking their seven-course meal.

12:30 P.M – 2:00 PM: I finally get to clean the kitchen and do some laundry. If I’m lucky, I get to pick up some of the 19,000+ toys and blocks laying on the living room floor. I’m super lucky if I can get through the living room without stepping on one of those extremely sharp toys that toy companies think are safe to sell to children. It’s like walking through a field of landmines, in a house full of hostile terrorists.

2:00 PM – 2:30 PM: I get the girls dressed so we can walk down to the bus stop. Yes, THEY ARE STILL IN THEIR PAJAMAS.

2:30 – 3:00 PM: The girls play at the bus stop waiting for their brother to get off the bus.

3:00 – 4:00 PM: The girls lay down for naps, while my son goes to his room. The kitchen is a disaster again from him getting out snacks and exploring the cabinets. Sometimes I manage to take this hour for myself to catch up on some work, but not always.

4:00 – 5:00 PM: I referee my son and daughter while they argue and fight over various, pointless issues including territory of the house.

Son: “Dad get SYD out of my room, she’s touching my important stuff!”
Daughter: “No, I’m not!”
Son: “Yes, you are, Syd! You are touching all my important computer stuff and making noises!”
Me: “Sydney, are you making noises?”
Daughter: Nods her head.
Me: “Why, are you just trying to annoy him?”
Daughter: Giggles “yes”

5:00 PM – 6:00 PM: I help my son with his homework, clean the house, sweep the floors, cook dinner.

6:00 PM: Wife gets home, and we eat dinner. Most days, I’m too exhausted to go into much detail of how the day went, and sometimes I’m so frustrated that I eat dinner on the front porch, alone.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


NOTE: This is on a GOOD day.

Every given day is different. I didn’t add in the sick days, the one hour melt downs, the various random messes, the errands, the castles I have to build out of blocks, the shampoo I have to clean off the floor, the dish-washing detergent that I have to clean out of the dog’s water dish, refolding the clean laundry that the kids have strewn all over the house, the pee puddles that I have to clean up from when the baby rips off her diaper and pees on the kitchen floor, the baths I have to give mid-day because one of them thought it would be funny to splash around in a mud puddle, the re-hanging of curtains that the kids have ripped from the walls, putting drawers back into the dressers that they’ve pulled out and slid around the house like cars, and so forth and so on.

So whomever gets home from work, whether it be the husband or the wife, they have no idea what their spouse has been through during the day. The other day, for example, my wife gets home from work and I’m outside in the driveway letting the girls play. It was a beautiful day and I was sitting in a lawn chair just watching the girls. She gets out of the car and asks “What about dinner?” I told her that I was waiting for her to get home so the girls could play outside and she looks at me and says, and I quote:

“What is going on with you lately?”

REALLY!?! I just spent 12 hours with three monsters all day long and I take a few minutes to myself to get some fresh air and when my wife gets home, that’s the first thing I hear?

So, in closing, I sincerely apologize to any and every woman I’ve ever said anything negative about, or joked about in regards to being a stay at home mom. It’s not easy. In fact it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had.

Sincerely,

A Stay At Home Dad

About the writer

Michael Cavender is a stay at home dad who spends his days teetering on the edge of insanity while trying to find the balance between being a father and best friend to his 2 beautiful girls and his rock star 8 year old son. His blog, daddyfishkins, is full of hilarious pictures and stories of how a former tough guy has been totally humbled by his two precocious daughters and too-smart-for-his-own-good son and forced to reevaluate his opinion of stay-at-home parents and women in general. Find him on Facebook and Twitter.

From Around the Web

Close

Nikki Cole 3 months ago

“There are days where it all seems impossible, this staying true to ourselves, living our dreams and raising the next generations of brilliant minds and spirits. Some days leave us feeling defeated, but not all of them. Remember that some days we manage to slip into bed with our capes intact, there are those days where we’re really “crushing it”. Life is a beautiful balancing act, things are going to fall into place. All you have to do is show up everyday to do your work, to love the wee ones, to let your light shine. And on the days you’re sure it won’t work, remind yourself that it all gets done, somehow. It must be getting done, because you’re gonna wake up tomorrow and still be doing it.”

http://www.lightinmyhands.com/blog/living-the-impossible

Laura 3 months ago

I’d much rather stay home than go to a high stress job every day and then come home and parent. But, it’s not in the cards. The two times I was on maternity leave were cake compared to attempting to balance it all. I found three months of staying at home with two small children much, much easier than going to work every day. So, no, I don’t need to take off 2 months to figure out out. But if I did, I’d consider it a vacation and a break.

Fran 4 months ago

I go to school and as much as I love it, I miss my baby. He crawled for the first time while at daycare :(

We all make sacrifices.

Fran 4 months ago

You deserve some sort of medal. Seriously! I couldn’t do all that.

maria romaniuk 4 months ago

i ve been a stay at hom e mum for 18 years and i m very proud o f it.i ve never claimed any benefits but my husband and i have gone without to make sure our 4 kids are catered for.it doesn t matter if its mum or dad that stays at home ,but the fact that the kids are loved and happy.my husband has never once said its easy for me to stay at home.its the mothers at school who work that have something to say. it would not done it any different.i take my ha off to you for apologising.

jennifer 8 months ago

Funny article! I am sure he does not give his kids food in bed every day and have them watch TV all day, I think he is trying to be funny! I have 3 kids and cannot wait to go back to work. This is how my day goes, you are just playing catch up all day and can never get ahead. The only thing that was different for me was the nursing. I nursed all 3 of my kids to one year and beyond. They have never had a bottle, never held a bottle and fed themselves. Nursing just took up a lot of time….putting me even more behind! My husband always says going to work is a lot easier than staying home with the kids all day long. Different pressures of course, but I will always remember this time home with them! Loved and hated every moment!!! I think the kids rule the house!

breaking news 8 months ago

Do you have any video of that? I’d love to find out
more details.

Mandy 10 months ago

So true! Though I would add that I think most stay at home parents get aggravated with themselves when they haven’t had a chance to get things done when they’d wanted to, even though we know it’s futile. Vacuuming and laundry seem to be on my list for at least a couple days before I actually get a chance to do them!

vicki 12 months ago

Love this post! Im a single parent so i work and all the house stuff is waiting for me to get home.

Mandy Tirado 1 year ago

Children are not a distraction from the “important things” – housework or anything else. Children are the important things. They do take up a lot of time and that’s what we SAHMs know before becoming SAHMs. That’s WHY we become SAHMs because nothing is more important than our precious children – our future. Who cares if the house is a mess?

If we’re paying attention to the important things, there’s no reason to eat alone and become angry over a “lost day”. There is reason to celebrate.

Discipline. Don’t cater to children, as that does them a great disservice. They’re not likely to die from a tantrum. More than likely they’ll get a headache and take an early nap, waking up in a better mood than they started out in.

Jesus asks us to bring Him the little children. It sounds like you’ve lost your joy. Bring your kids to Jesus. You’ll get that joy back. Pray.

jen93 1 year ago

I agree with you as well. My husband has been a stay-at-home dad for 11 years. I admit that at times I wonder why something is not done, I know he is NOT letting the kids rule the house. This dad is teaching his kids that if they whine and complain enough, they get what they want. They do need some discipline or they will go through life thinking that they should be given every little thing they whine for.

giusy 1 year ago

Sono italiana e mamma di 3 bimbi. Perciò capisco bene questo papà. C è di bello che almeno lui come uomo alla fine si è accorto di quanto lavoro faccia una mamma per portare avanti una casa ogni giorno con i figli e il resto. Provando l esperienza da solo ha capito quanto sia difficile. Dovrebbero provare tutti gli uomini!!!! Lui è stato onesto ad ammettere quanta fatica si faccia in questo ruolo. Saluti dall’ Italia.

Susan lL. Sczesnik-Torres 1 year ago

My refresher courses were real simple… Lol… I had my children every five years, four innocent cherubs!! I didn’t plan the five year increments!! God did, cuz He knew I needed to keep young! I’m 47 now and my youngest is ten, and eldest is 25 & my next refresher courses; being a Nana!! I love this excelerated courses the best! For we all lived together for their first 6 and three years respectively!

Sheri 1 year ago

I’m a mother of three (8, 5, 1.5). I agree with Matt.

TV doesn’t calm kids down. Still, I let my kids use their tablets and watch TV and play video games all they want, especially if they’ll leave me alone. And sometimes, when I’m on a good parenting streak, only after they’ve done a few simple jobs around the house. And usually not right before bed time.
I’m just as imperfect as all the rest of you stay-at-home people. I have temper tantrums, the bathroom is never clean, dinner is always late, I don’t get enough sleep, I think I showered yesterday but didn’t wash my hair, and I’m given to hyperbole about the difficulties of being a stay at home mother.

I’m just saying Matt is right about TV. Don’t rag on him, because you feel guilty about your benign neglect. Let’s just try to be nice to each other.
It’s a tough world.

Karen 1 year ago

LOL! Thanks for the great read. Glad you can see the other perspective. Children are emotionally exhausting, but the more time and understanding they receive from you, the better off they will be.

Cathy 1 year ago

The splinter episode is soo gross! I’m sitting in here while my 4 year old tends to his baby alive doll and watches Paw Patrol. My repeated attempts to get him to the park have gone unheeded so I just gave up. As for all the rules some parents apparently get their perfect children to follow. Well congrats on you with these rare perfect kids. I just pick my battles. Instead of telling him to eat his food somewhere specific for 50 times in a row I’m just happy when he does listen to me when it really matters. Sometimes.

mamakat 1 year ago

wow. just wow. this is exactly why i don’t spend my time with other parents or religious groups; they are equally judgey and superior to EEERYONE and are far too perfect to not spread their widely held beliefs (read; misconceptions) to anyone who even looks their way.
ffs, this guy is open and honest about being a stay-at-home-dad yet some of you people are ripping him to shreds for DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR HIS KIDS. shame on all ya’ll. ya’ll need to mind your own business, keep being rigid with your kids and start saving now for their therapy when they’re FUBAR teens, mmmk?

dear SAHD – you. rock. i am a SAHM with 2 ADHD and ODD boys (ages 11 and 6) and a little girl (age 6) and lemme tell you – working 3 jobs at the same time (which i did pre-kiddos) is FAR easier than this. nope, wouldn’t trade it but it’s W-O-R-K. i’d LOVE husband to have to switch roles and view his nervous breakdown with sympathy and a tiny bit of amusement. i prefer to let little things go rather than be an angry mommy who yells all the time and expects little soldiers instead of happy, messy, evolving little souls. good on ya!! mad props from southeast georgia!!

Sarah 1 year ago

My son can speak in sign and Spanish because we read books about it. He’s not the type to watch TV, most days it’s never on because neither of us would watch it. Learning the languages with their family is much more effective in the long run anyway because speaking to a TV doesn’t count as communication skills and unless you’re speaking it back to her this will not be a habit that forms into a lifelong one.

I agree everyone has different lives, but having a TV on all day is a bad choice on your part, in my opinion. Get your baby to a Mexican restaurant and start a conversation with the server in Spanish with your child. Get a book of Spanish vocab, go to the park, and learn the words for playground, swing, slide, sandbox, etc. while you’re playing. Word association on a grand, fun scale. Again, she’ll be more likely to learn the words rather than just repeating them.

Matt isn’t wrong and he isn’t a know-it-all nor did I get offended as a mother about what he said. I’m single, I work, I take care of EVERYTHING and my son is learning without the aid of TV shows. So it can be done is my point. Turn off the TV and teach your child to live instead of watching people live.

Mandy 1 year ago

I agree with other posters in that I set up strict rules early on about where we eat, what I let them watch on TV and what happens when they have tantrums or actually do something like pulling down the curtains. I’m far from a perfect parent, but kids still need to have rules and boundaries otherwise they WILL have tantrums and do things that are bad because nothing has stopped them in the past!

I am a stay at home mom to two kids, 4 and 7 (7 year old has adhd). While I love being home with them and for them, I can’t wait to work again not to get away from the caring of the kids, but to help earn income and make money for vacations and dinners out and to be able to have adult conversations again. I don’t discount working moms as having less to do…I think they are up later at night doing what I can get done earlier in the day – the difference is that (for me ) I can get worn down a lot faster since I’m with the kids all day so I’m tired earlier.

The last, but most important, thing I’ll mention is that I’m blessed to have a husband who enjoys seeing the toys out and says that he gets to see what their day was like and likes seeing that they were busy and creative. He doesn’t freak out when things are slightly messy (not that I don’t strive to keep everything locked down and neat and vacuumed!) or that we don’t have a gourmet meal. The only downside of that? He doesn’t do much to help straighten up either lol. For him it’s dinner and tv when he gets home and that’s it!

Mallory 1 year ago

Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! for writing this article. It’s so wonderful to have a male acknowledge how difficult it really is. And to have something to share with my own husband who, in many ways, has the same mindset as you did before you stayed home.

Stay home daddy 2 1 year ago

I agree 100% with this dad. That looks like my daily schedule.. I have two little ones that are 2 years apart. Then, having dinner cooked (not burned after being a umpire for my two little ones) for my wife after a long day at work. What a job? Non-stop going. When I left my place of work, co-workers were saying that I would be bored. NOT. I’m exhausted more being a stay home dad,then working my job. I would like to give the women so much credit that has been doing this for years. This is my fourth month only.

Montira 1 year ago

YIKES, Folks! One father simply wrote a humorous column about how being a stay-at-home dad taught him how to understand and appreciate things from his wife’s point of view. Can’t we all just enjoy the column for what it is, instead of criticizing him and each other?

Waste 1 year ago

That’s a load of crap. My mom worked full time, AND went to college for night classes while raising me and my two siblings. We grew up properly cared for and none of us have turned out badly.

Waste 1 year ago

Good article. Not so good at discipline. You might have just left out enforcing punishments but I was put off the entire article ever since you said your daughter threw a 5 minute temper tantrum and then you REWARDED her for what she was throwing a tantrum about? That’s a good way to teach her that all she has to do is kick and and scream to get what she wants

andrea phelps 1 year ago

My husband was a S.A.D for a year. I think it was the most exhausting year of his life!

Jenny 1 year ago

Agree with all this. And Love and Logic is great. Helped me immensely with keeping order/sanity during the toddler years, without being overly punitive.

Nicola Pruce-Lomax 1 year ago

And yes I also think that that being a stay at home parent is much more demanding than my my paid and quite senior job from my own experience of having two kids – and absolutely agree it is underappreciated by the ,other half, but …. I have never ever tried to combine the two cos you can,t do. It!

Michele Cole 1 year ago

Love this and AMEN!!!

Christine Rap AKA Mom and the pop life 1 year ago

You think so? Why does it have to be a working mom vs. SAHP thing? How many hours do you have your children after work-a couple of hours? I have done both SAHM and working mom and I can tell you both are equally hard. Different, but just as hard. Imagine working all day as a SAHP and working all night without any breaks. I think it’s really silly to argue whether SAHP vs. working parent is a more noble thing. I think everyone should be respected for their choice. As long as we are all trying our best, it will all work out. It’s not a contest.

J 1 year ago

I’m surprised nobody else has commented on this, but this guy isn’t just being a stay-at-home-parent, he’s also working from home. That’s a lot different, and adds a level of stress and responsibility that stay-at-home parents who don’t work wouldn’t have.

Stacey 1 year ago

Seems to me like most of you missed the point of this article completly. You probably read it and started juding his parenting technique by 10:00AM. He was simply apologizing to stay at home parents for doing excatly what your doing now JUDGING. I have learned from experience that these ” I do it better then you parents” are usually the ones lacking in their own self the true qualities it actually takes to raise a productive member of society.Those of you saying “oh my kids don’t do this or that” becasue I have rules and teach them better. PLEASE biggest line of BS I have ever heard! Watching tv, eating a cookie, having juice, getting dirty, breaking something, being lazy every now and again ummmm hello aren’t these things that every human should be entitlted to in moderation? See one thing I can say for myself as a mother is I want my children to grow up and have as many life experiences as possible, from summer camp to fighting with their siblings and everything in between, yes even watching Spongebob. I want to guide my children through this life with the same attutide that I would like to see them obtain and use in their adult life. And that is this…always look at every situation and see the things you CAN relate to FIRST, before you form your judgement.

Mom of three 1 year ago

I agree with Matt. Pancakes in BED? Chicken nuggets on demand? Toys left everywhere? I have three children and a lot of TV watching went on (goes on) but they do not rule the roost. They pick up their own toys (this began to be taught long before potty training) and they were happier for the discipline and structure. Our refrigerator continues to be a mess and getting dressed just before actually having to be somewhere is a-ok with me. But my 3 helped. They got the healthy food options I chose, they watched the shows I chose (No Spongebob on a continuous loop while still toddlers). They learned manners like eating their meals at a table with a fork and clearing their dishes. We accomplished this early and consistently. I went back to work and still think there is not a harder job than being home. Our calendar was packed with activities and it was EXHAUSTING. To this father, keep loving them and all will be fine but if you want to run a smoother engine consider Love and Logic. It’s a concept that really instills pride in your children for good behavior and taking care of themselves on their own levels (obviously babies don’t bathe themselves) and accepting their consequences which are loving disciplines (no yelling or freaking). It’s a lot of work in the beginning but worth it. You are doing so much right and so much wrong. You got this. Your blog was very enjoyable.

Cheri Postema Noorman 1 year ago

I have 4 kids… The youngest born when the other 3 were 16 mos. old, 4 yrs, and 6 1/2 yrs. so of course they were very well behaved or I wouldn’t have survived it lol! My husband stayed with them for 5 days when I was out if town when my grandfather was dying if cancer. My husband has always been very supportive …. Never negative…. But even he admits he had NO IDEA what it was really like until then. I think every mom should leave dad with the kids for 3-5 days for them to understand. Nice job to this daddy!!!!!

Jillian Gilberts 1 year ago

I had to share this and plan on making my hubby read it!

Joshua Shane Martin 1 year ago

the more kids at home the harder the job . From a stay at home dad

Shannon Ziegenhagel 1 year ago

My husband thinks we sleep all day. Ha, I wish!

Amelya Miao 1 year ago

This is why I stop at 1. 1 baby is enough. But still… almost no house work get done decently… huhuhu

Liz 1 year ago

I was more bothered by the fact that he didn’t really play with them…and maybe he does, but this is just the telling of a really bad day because we all have those days where we are just surviving?! But he seemed focused on the clean house thing; in my house my husband never complains about a messy house because he comes home to little ones who have made something, learned something, been somewhere… and whom are generally happy!
Reminds of this poem AKA my momma mantra:

“Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing and butter the bread,

Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew

And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo

But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?

(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.”

Kimberly 1 year ago

I can’t believe the negativity and the horrible judging of a parent!!! I think some people are missing the point of the article!!! It’s not about his parenting and it’s no ones place to judge or criticize the way he does it!!! It’s about staying home with children is hard work!!! And that being with children all day long can be exhausting!!! And I’m a stay at home mother and I understand this story completely… I’m not say my day is completely like this but I can relating my situations to his, I get it!!! And I wouldn’t trade it for the world!!! But I think some people are missing the bigger picture of his story!!! It’s about being a parent is hard work regardless if you are the one staying home or one/both have to work!!! I don’t think he meant for you guys to judge or criticize his parenting!!! And honestly I walk away reading this article that I’m not the only!!! Just saying…

Kimberly 1 year ago

My tv is on nickjr all day, everyday! My three year old can count to ten in spanish Thanks to the annoying Dora and knows a few other words! Just the other day she asked me if she could have glass of agua! And I could go on with the things she has pick up from these annoying shows but this is not my point! Everyone lives is different and everyone has challenges when raising children! But it’s no one place to criticize one parenting!

Linda Keckler 1 year ago

What a nice apology. It’s about time the working spouse appreciates what goes on at home while they’re gone to work.

Bobby Herron 1 year ago

Nice of u to apologise you stay home and do what she does I am the mom&dad of a twelve year old his mom passed so u need to love her &respect her with all she does.

Carmen Moore 1 year ago

Ok I gotta say. .. This makes you feel pretty good lol

Angela 1 year ago

Just wait until you have 2 kids and a breastfeeding newborn. Craziness! Not that I don’t love them.

Diana Ortega 1 year ago

Sooooooooooooo true is not even funny!!! :)

Michelle Price-Akey 1 year ago

Thank you, stay-at-home dad. You’ve accurately described all of our days lol

Luckless Poppy 1 year ago

“9:06 AM: My 18 month old is now eating chicken nuggets and drinking juice while sitting on my head.”

Daykara Fritzges 1 year ago

Moderately guilty. But I get more done alone with the kid in one day than he does all week

Brittney Taylor 1 year ago

That post was hilarious. Poor guy! Lol

Natalie Shively Dobler 1 year ago

Sounds about right.

Ashley Nobles 1 year ago

Amen. Part time floor nurse, full time mom! Lol! Sometimes it’s my vacay!

Kelly Gutshall 1 year ago

Maybe I will let my husband read this and then I can just stop feeling the need to explain why the house is still messy at the end of the day! Two toddlers home all day and an infant who doesn’t nap and nurses constantly… The house is a disaster, but we are all alive!

Lyndsey Lancaster 1 year ago

I’m a stay-at-home mom to twins. My husband works from home so he is well aware of how hard my days can be! Usually when he wraps up his work for the day he immediately offers me a break! It’s a tough job but extremely fulfilling.

Suzy 1 year ago

Go away troll.

Shannon MacDonald 1 year ago

I’m a part time psych nurse and the rest of the time home with small kids. As stressful as a big patient load on a busy floor is, it’s nothing compared to being home with my kids! Work is a much needed break, lol!

Anne-Marie Bowen 1 year ago

So true! xx

Nicole Flores-Valencia 1 year ago

Haha yea 3 sound TOUGH! Either way it’s a harder job than most people give credit for. :)

Choogie 1 year ago

Now imagine how that would work if you took the TV babysitter out of the equation.

Cyndy Miller Robertson 1 year ago

Been a stay at home for 2 whole months now and i too thought this would be a lot easier to get things done then it has proven to be.

Samantha Bruce 1 year ago

This made me giggle. I am a stay at home mom to a four year old. And in just under a month will be adding boy girl twins to our family. Pretty sure I won’t be getting much done after they are born!

Kimberly Aldred Gunter 1 year ago

Holly BG we homeschool too! 7, 5 and a two year old and just added in a newborn because we like to keep it crazy around here!! :)

Holly BG 1 year ago

Laura Mozingo- Morgan – homeschooling with the same age diff! (But 10 & 2 now)

Jessica Gulley Mehok 1 year ago

I just eat bon bons all day with Christie, right Brian? It’s okay, I have no desire to do what Timothy does, so I guess we’re even!

Holly BG 1 year ago

So awesome!

Alicia Lockamy 1 year ago

yup .

Laura Mozingo-Morgan 1 year ago

He should try homeschooling an eight year old with an infant and hearing, “did you make tea”? I don’t know why after 2 years of no tea I still get asked that question!

Emilia Plotka 1 year ago

how abou mums staying at homes plus full time mums working from homes?
hee

Leah Thompson 1 year ago

“and sometimes I’m so frustrated that I eat dinner on the front porch, alone.” – I wish.

lesbomom 1 year ago

I was a SAHM twice – and it nearly killed my daughter both times – once at 3 going on 4 and once again at 5 going on 6. Whew am I glad that’s over with. And I only have the one kid. You hit the nail on the head here.

Amy G 1 year ago

Love this… You totally left out the part about the tornado that follows behind you. Because not only do you clean up the toys once throughout the day, its multiple times throughout the day. I can spend 10 minutes of cleaning up toys in the living room, run downstairs to switch and fold laundry, come back up to a messy living room. The kiddos were in a completely different room when I went downstairs. 2 year olds seem to have this sense about things being cleaned up. So the house may look clean in the morning when my husband left and still clean when he comes home, but man it has been torn up, ripped apart and put back together many times. Appearances can be deceiving. it appears that I have done nothing all day

Christine 1 year ago

I do work from home. I have an in home child development program in which I am the only adult here. I care for 8 children, my toddler being one of them for 11 hours a day. Then there is the paper/prep work that goes with that taking another 5 hours each week. I also send my daughter to 3rd grade and my son is in 11th grade. I am involved in booster organizations, pta and homeroom parent. My house is clean, my children are happy and cared for, and we don’t rely on tv for calming down. (It’s ok if you do, we just don’t). My children do not get whatever they ask for (ie chicken nuggets and juice at 10 am) because they had a tantrum. I’m not perfect, it’s HARD work, I appreciate all stay at home parents, working parents, single parents, etc. We all have our own gifts, our own talents, our own passions. We all have our own limits to what we can tolerate. I commend the blogger for doing what he does. And all others reading and posting here. Different walks of life contribute to a beautiful outcome for the children of the world!

Peace 1 year ago

This was a great post, thank you Daddy Fishkins! It’s surprising how different things are when you’re living them vs observing them. I think we’re all stunned by the reality of parenting in the beginning.

jackie 1 year ago

So true. apology accepted. :-) I would love to be a stay at home mom though. Being a single mom with a full time job to support my 2 boys ages 5 and 10 eldest being autistic/bi-polar. Not home during the week you would think all should be clean, yeah no. Up at 5 eldest to bus by 6. Get myself ready for work. 5 year old to school by 8. Then off to the many appointment I have in morning before work. 7-8 hours at work.(if I don’t have to leave to pick up or deal with the children and school issues). Off work go get kids from sitter. Try to spend time with kids before or while making dinner /giving baths /helping with homework and getting ready for bed. Then, anything I may have to do for my job as a preschool teacher. While eating my cold dinner. I may have enough energy to pick the house up to presentable. Before I go to bed around midnight. So for me. I would enjoy staying home. I admitt requesting a day off, hoping to get things done around the house.but I end up sleeping, relaxing, taking time for me. Because that’s the only time I tend to get. But I do love every minute of being a mother to my handsome energetic boys. Getting to spend more time after school with them is the one thing I need to make happen still since I can’t be a stay at home mom right now.

Amber 1 year ago

Haha. I was thinking the same. Giving in to melt downs=more melt downs. If you know your child will be hungry again around 9am every morning, have a snack ready (bananas, yogurt, fresh fruit, etc.). For those defending tv watching, know that there is studies that prove higher amounts of tv watching can cause not only “ADD” and “ADD”, it can also increase tantrums. Ive been a stay at home mom and a working mom. Going to work is mos def easier than stay in home. That being said some stay at home parents make things harder on themselves by not enforcing rules or having a reliable schedule for their children. It’s very difficult to enforce it but so worth it if you stick to your guns!

Angie Lopez 1 year ago

I’ve done both and yes staying at home is way harder, I have to manage a little budget to be able to live only on one income, but I love being able to raise my own children. My mom worked all her life and so I know that’s hard to do but just because is 2014 doesn’t mean that all women have to go to work or they’re lazy or losers. I would love to work, be out of the house, interact with adults, buy me nice stuff and all but I CHOOSE to take care of my babies and nobody should looked down on me for that.

C’dar Pinder-Sommerville 1 year ago

Matt doesn’t understand the peace of mind that you get for hopefully 30 minutes by popping their favorite show on and sneaking away. I don’t care what science has to say, after parenting my very active 6 year old all damn day, if monster high will keep her quiet and still then nothing is stopping me from putting it on and finally getting a break!! This is a blog for parents to share their frustrations and real feelings, not get told that we are doing it wrong bc we use the tv to get things done around the house. Science doesn’t take care of my daughter all day I do so science can go and stuff it!

Tricia Robichaud 1 year ago

I agree too!! Being a sahm i get bored during the day! House is cleaned, dogs walked, already gone to the park, dinner on, yard work done.. What now? Never mind my husband complaining about me not working… Which he never has done. I am the one that complains that I want to work. Have an adult life even a few days a week. We just don’t see it financially happening till my youngest is in grade 1. Then we don’t have to pay daycare fees. Plus I feel that, since we can afford it, that I should be the one raising my little ones in the crucial young age.

Van 1 year ago

at least, you live in a house with a garden. I live in a fucking apartment and even going outside to take a minute for yourself is a goddamn challenge

Jackie Collins 1 year ago

Awesome!!!

Monica DeBiase 1 year ago

having done both, working and staying at home, working is much easier. You get breaks! you get to pee alone!!!! You get PAID

Janet Brady 1 year ago

Good article–puts some things in perspective!

Tasha 1 year ago

Cry me a river and actually be a parent. I’m sorry I actually took the time to teach my child rules. I unseats we all can’t be perfect but some of us actually invested time instead of using he kids will be kids excuse to be lazy.

Joanne Surmann 1 year ago

So true!

Penny Power 1 year ago

That was a good read, it is hard being at home with the kids. I want to do it but it is hard

Kamille Autumn 1 year ago

Good read. I do agree with him!

n03113 1 year ago

It really grinds my gears when I see people dismiss someone’s opinion on parenting based on an admission that they are currently not caring for a child. As if that automatically means they have no common sense as a human being or no understanding of fundamental human psychology.

We all have SOME experience with raising children because we ourselves were once children and the tribal knowledge is passed even if just basically through our own parents in how we were raised. We evaluate how our parents did things and see what works and what does not work.

That said, many people have siblings and were deeply involved in raising them… Not every childless person who has an opinion on parenting is invalid.

I urge you to read http://voices.yahoo.com/parenting-advice-childless-people-qualified-to-1478707.html and reflect… I don’t know what you may agree, but honestly it raises some good points.

rice 1 year ago

Can everyone just stop judging EVERYONE? Goodness. It’s fine to have opinions, and it’s fine to be backed by science.

Fact: people who have never raised children don’t know how hard it is. You may have science on your side, but each child is unique and this has different needs. Some children (including autistic children) have benefited from television as a communication tool. It isn’t the norm, but it’s still a documented fact.

Fact: giving birth to our fathering a child also does not make you a patenting expert, amazingly enough. And, if you refuse to listen to people just because they haven’t had children, you’re cutting out a HUGE resource of ideas, suggestions, and general crowd source type of information.

I work at a primary after school program. 3 of the 7 staff have not had children. However, the collective knowledge from having worked with more than 250 children in 5 years (the shortest amount of time any of our staff have worked with kids) means that the childless staff actually have a pretty good idea of how to handle children.

Kim Smits Foster 1 year ago

Love it! So funny and very, very true! Thank you!

Debi Diaz Betts 1 year ago

He learned what all us moms already knew, it’s not easy being the parent who stays home with the kids, but it is totally worth it.

Jen Crowder 1 year ago

I’m a sahm mom, own a business (to which my husband is employed by) homeschool my 7 year old son with several neurological disabilities (autism, epilepsy, neurofibromatosis, dyslexia,and several others) and I have to fight with school systems about IEPs and non stop doctors appts and I’m sick too. My husband makes comments about “she doesn’t work” jokingly but when I have been in the hospital for days on end for my own medical issues he’s out of work and home with the kiddo – omg is my house trashed and I’m afraid to see the income that week But my kid is super happy! Nope, there’s days I see my hubby came in the door and tell him I didn’t get to anything and he jumps in. We had no clean laundry the other day and I meant to do a couple loads and just simply didn’t make it downstairs being lazy. He said “sorry that’s my thing to take care of”. We live paycheck to paycheck and get stressed and argue about me going back to work (I have several degrees) but he realized sees that we would be even more poverty stricken with daycare, medical, and all sorts of extra costs.being a sahm isn’t always a choice. I hate those “must be nice” comments and all I want to say is f you! I love being a sahm mom but I wish I could have a part time job too and be with adults. I’ve been both career and sahm and well they both suck and they both rock! But I do have one amazing happy child that most don’t even realize is disabled! To the moms especially who say it must be nice – it must be nice to have 2 incomes nice cars huge house and vacations! We don’t have any of that but sure do have a respectful kid!

Leslie 1 year ago

I understand. And respect your decisions as a PARENT. My point wasn’t about whether tv was good or bad. It was about someone judging and criticizing when they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Meru Äray 1 year ago

He nailed it! This is SPOT ON!

Kristen Rhodes Crose 1 year ago

I was a stay home Mom for 13 years who only recently began working part time. You were singing my song with this story. Now I get excited to have a reason to get dressed up, talk to adults, and not have to think about the condition of my kitchen or living room aka “Toy Central”, for a few hours. :)

Anna 1 year ago

Thank you for writing this. My husband was a stay at home dad 20+ years ago and has been for most of our 24 year marriage. Back then, it was not accepted like it is today.

Although our kids are now young adults, he did a pretty good job. The biggest benefit for him has been the fact he has a close relationship with both of the kids. You will too as they get older.

Andrea Monroe 1 year ago

Ur awesome sah daddy

Sonia 1 year ago

Shay Ope-James it is impossible for you to do ALL of this and work. I’m quite certain that while you are working someone else is being paid to do all of this with your kids. Unless you are lucky enough to own your own business and are able to take your kids with you and even then I am sure that @ least one other responsible adult would be there also to entertain the kids while you are actually doing job related duties unless, of course, your kids are in school.

Meg Katselis 1 year ago

As a Mom who has worked outside the home and as a SAHM, can I LIKE this a million times???

Darcy Riley 1 year ago

Because a mom would have had something in the oven WHILE they sit out side! Hahaha! It’s called multitasking bro!

Eileen Evers Patton 1 year ago

Truthful and hilarious…I love your candor…thank you!

Kristin Eckhardt 1 year ago

I have always worked full time excluding the time I was laid off. It is hard to stay home all day with young children but for me I found it easier also to get stuff done when I was home most of the day with them as opposed to having have to work all day then trying to squeeze in spending time with the kids, cleaning the house and running errands. To each his own and I am not knocking the job of a stay at home mom and maybe there are some women who can chose to have to work and want to but for me I would personally rather be home.

Parri (Her Royal Thighness) 1 year ago

Women everywhere are thankful that there’s a man out there that gets it! And I love the line: It’s like walking through a landmine, in a house full of hostile terrorists. Great piece!

Alicia Gray 1 year ago

I am a part time employee, so half the week I teach 2nd grade, the other half I’m at home with my 20 month old and 3 1/2 year old. My job is easier and more relaxing than staying at home and I have 23 kids in my class!

Momof1 1 year ago

Why are you being so defensive? Watching TV is the same as “stimming” in the world of autism. The less the better.
Tv is not really good for a child’s brain. How was Matt sanctimonious in simply pointing out the truth?

Sharon Hoover 1 year ago

This fellow has several very big problems. First, if his mother had ever made him do chores he would never have developed the silly notion that stay at home means sitting around all day. Second if he thinks the three year old that demands breakfast in bed is tough, wait until she turns 15! Third, a kid (girl or boy) that is old enough to snack after school is also old enough to clean up afterwards. Finally, this guy obviously confuses parenthood with friendship! Hopefully, he’ll get over that before it’s too late for the kids.
Signed: A great grandfather (not to be confused with “great”! Three generations and I still screw up!)

Mary Trinder 1 year ago

Give over!!!

Emma Snowden 1 year ago

That’s great. I like that he added in the daytime bath thanks to muddy puddles.

Debbi Johnson Denton 1 year ago

love this!!!!

Maria Carroll Allen 1 year ago

Reality for a man too…. He tries.

Jacquelien Walman 1 year ago

thank you, I accept 😉

Homeschool Mom 1 year ago

I agree with much of what he says, and appreciate the he acknowledges how difficult it can be to SAH, but there is no way my 3 year old (and I do currently have a 3 year old) would get b’fast in bed, and chicken nuggets at 9am. Temper tantrums don’t get them anywhere in my house. I also have an 11 year old (the 3 year old was a huge surprise baby), who I homeschool (we’re in our 6th year), so I do that as well, and that takes a serious chunk of time. It’s not all at once, but I’m on call for that all day if he needs help with an assignment. Guess what the 3 year old does while we’re doing one on one time? Watching TV or playing Angry Birds on the iPad. Somehow his brain is not rotten! Amazing. Before he turned 3, he could recite the alphabet, and correctly pick out about half the letters, count to 20, spell his name and spout off several words in Latin. I don’t think we’re doing too badly.
My kids would never pull the curtains down or dump shampoo on the floor, because they have been taught that behavior like that is not acceptable. BTW, I have never spanked them.
My house can be quite messy during the day, but it’s not dirty or gross, and my hubby doesn’t complain, because he’s been here during the days and knows what sort of madness goes on. He said he used to think being a SAHD would be fun. After spending a few days at home, he said it’s not something he’d ever want to do, because it’s too much work. He’s a military officer and said there are days when my life makes Afghanistan look like a vacation. And our kids aren’t bad, I’m just always busy. Except right now, because it’s Sat and the 3 year old is napping while the 11 year old plays outside. Hubby is gone (again!), so it’s just me running the show.

Jessica Moran Jewell 1 year ago

When my 18 month old is bathed and dressed before noon it’s a good day.

Pamela Quiroz 1 year ago

Awesome!

MILF Runner 1 year ago

While I appreciate the apology and newly developed compassion, it is somewhat irritating that a man needs to post this for it to be believed by other men. Anyway, that’s how it felt to me as I read the piece. Why do people (who are not stay-at-home parents) think at-home parents are liars and slackers?

Guerrilla Mom (@mariaguido) 1 year ago

Amen, sister.

Stephanie Tomek 1 year ago

The best part is having the girls in their pjs until 2:00… Guilty!!!!

camie y 1 year ago

Matt is right and i DO have kids. They watch a little tv and thats all. And at night time they get in bed and we read

Kimberly Case 1 year ago

This is like the BEST thing I have ever read! 😀 <3 IT! :)

Catherine Lefever 1 year ago

Funny how ones mind changes when they have to go through it themselves.

Collette Merrill 1 year ago

Amen.

Shayna Grogan 1 year ago

Apology accepted 😉

Kate Slachta McManus 1 year ago

Your problem started at 7:01 when you took your 18 month old breakfast in bed as her daily routine. Come on dude, really!

Candace Lee Bartel 1 year ago

Love THIS! !

Sylvanna Kyle-Crowe 1 year ago

Wow :-)

Amanda 1 year ago

I’ve asked my husband not to tell people I don’t work, but that I’m a housewife. It’s a simple conversation, and once your partner realizes that it hurts you to hear that he thinks you don’t work, they’ll change their tune. :)

Rene Price 1 year ago

Yup

sammie 1 year ago

This is SO SO awesome!!! :)

Nancy L Morris 1 year ago

Thanks for sharing-made my day-Lv Lv G-ma

Kim 1 year ago

Also: don’t listen to the people criticizing, telling you what to do different, telling you your kids watch too much tv: you were honest. That’s more than they’re being (I’m sure!!) & it’s a learning curve for everyone. And maybe you’ll do things differently in a few years, & maybe not. Your kids are fed, looked after, & loved. That’s a win. You win.

Kim 1 year ago

This is awesome. Thank you. Thankfully my husband “gets it” (I make certain to leave him alone for extended periods of time with the children…also he’s great). But STILL. I don’t think he gets it like you get it (how could anyone?).

Anyway. Thanks. This is the best most affirming thing I have read on this site in a long time. And thanks for admitting you let your kids eat chicken nuggets in the morning and watch cartoons: awesome. You rock.

Caz Taylor 1 year ago

Hehe! Brilliant! X

Karen Brummond 1 year ago

Awesome! Welcome to motherhood!!!

Nikelle Wingerter 1 year ago

I have been a working single mom, and now a stay at home and home schooling mom. I LOVE being with my kids, but the rest of being a SAHM is for the birds IMO. (Who’s idea was it for us to have 4 toilets anyway!?) If our kids ever go back to public school, I’m going back to work!! Not trying to sound judgmental but I do wonder what some SAHP’s do when they only have one or two kids and the kids are in school all day. I can see where some working spouses can get a bit irritated. But for those who have kids of any age home all day, it’s a completely different story. But like others have mentioned, sounds like this guy could make his day easier with some discipline and rules.

Dalilah 1 year ago

Well thanks for your acknowledgement and welcome to the club. Know that you are appreciated, even when it doesn’t feel like it…and it will pay off. You’re awsome!

Erin 1 year ago

You know, I don’t feel bad or sympathetic to stay at home parents. I feel envious. Straight up jealous. Enjoy that. Love on those kids. Because there are plenty of us out there who would love to have the opportunity.

Nicole McKinney 1 year ago

I work night shift so I have the worst of both worlds lmfao. But wouldn’t trade it for the world. (But have to work to keep my sanity)

Beth McCall Stump 1 year ago

I love this and can totally relate but if this is his typical day he seriously needs to get out of the house with the kids! So much better when you have activities planned outside the house.

Tania Leigh 1 year ago

but, glad he recognizes the early hours. I am up so early sometimes, I once, before kids didn’t know these hours existed. Now, I am up so early…….

Leslie 1 year ago

I’m sorry? Is this not a mommy blog? Excuse me for being annoyed by a person who comes on here with absolutely no personal experience in child-rearing and judges and criticized those of us who give our all to it every day. Just because he may have read some article somewhere online about children and tv, or what ever makes him feel like he has the right to give actual parents advice, he doesn’t. Nothing gets my blood boiling faster than a judgy childless person telling me how I should or should not raise my children.

Tania Leigh 1 year ago

He wasn’t just a stay at home dad if he had “work to get done”. But, if you are me and all you are is a stay at home mom, no working on the side. By 2pm, I am bored out of my mind, after getting son to school, house chores, playing with daughter, then she sleeps and I am bored from 2pm until I have to pick my son up from the bus stop.

Chrissy Nussbaum Keebler 1 year ago

So true!! Love it!

Alesha Evans 1 year ago

You do too have a messy house bc everyone is there at night

Lydia Lee 1 year ago

I found this an enjoyable piece. Thank you for your perspective.

Angie Delp 1 year ago

Uh no, daddy at home with two little girls? He’s going to lose. 😉

mothership 1 year ago

Welcome to the gauntlet–only the strong survive :)

Mary 1 year ago

How sanctimonious of you Matt. While you have the research correct regarding TV watching and kids, your tone is that of a know it all. Your approach needs a lot of work. Have you read the research on how to approach people and inform/persuade effectively? If not I think you better go study up because the way you presented this no one is going to listen to you.

Miguel Santiago 1 year ago

that sounds like my day.that was hilarious

Mikki 1 year ago

I absolutely LOVE this! I tried the SAHM thing with my daughter until she was about a year and a half, and then I started working and going to school at the same time. I tell you, option B was WAY easier. She’s in daycare, I get time to myself, I get to interact with adults, eat my own food, it’s fantastic. While I may be “busier” in the sense that I’m balancing three jobs essentially (work, school and parenting) being stuck at home without adults and the freedom to just stand outside by myself was soul crushing for me. I am not cut out to be a SAHM at all. None of it’s easy, and some people are more built for some roles than others, but I know, from experience, that SAHM is the hardest job for me personally and I respect anyone who does it.

Adri 1 year ago

Wow, very rude. I have children and I happen to agree with what matt is saying about television. Doesn’t mean I don’t cave and let my kids watch too much of it; I totally do, as I am human and raising three kids on my own. None of my kids have tvs in their rooms however. My older two used to and that came to an end after a few years; my youngest never has and never will.

Kudos to you matt for being responsible enough to recognize that you aren’t in a place where you are able to give children the care they deserve. I mean that sincerely.

April 1 year ago

I used to know everything about raising children before I had them. Seems you have this problem as well.

Erin Graefe Cooper 1 year ago

We just did the switch too. My husband was home with the 3 kids & I was working but then I was l laid off so my husband went to work. I always thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom but the last 6 weeks have been eye opening for me. I cannot wait to be in the working world again. The crying… the fighting 4 year old twins..The 18 mo climbing out of the crib. Kudos to those that can handle it but for my kids (& my sanity) sake we will be a dual income working family.

Becca Phillips 1 year ago

If the author guy is ever single.. Lol. My bf comes home from a crippling 7 hour shift and asks wtf I’ve been doing all day. Seriously? Laundry, dishes, toys, bathrooms.. And yes, it STILL looks like hell in here.

Karey Greenup Trevizo 1 year ago

“.. sometimes I’m so frustrated I eat dinner on the front porch, alone.” Oh my god I can so relate to that.

Erin Andrews 1 year ago

This is awesome!

Casey A. Clifton 1 year ago

It’s good to hear you 2 switched and you were able to see first-hand what stay at home parents go through. No one should ever put down those parents. You really never know what they go through and exactly what they have to deal with on a daily basis. And I’m glad you were able to step up and apologize. That says a lot. To be able to admit you’re wrong when you are is a big deal. Much respect, especially now since you know first hand.

Kelly Bicket 1 year ago

To the guy that wrote the article. Make your day easier. Get all the kids up in the morning and take them outside the house. Make them eat at the table. That breakfast in bed thing is B.S. Trying to get work done while kids are around is frustrating, just save it for later. Get them tired from all the activity you can get them to do so they go to bed at a decent hour. Then you will have time for your work and the wife.

Gisela Mckerracher 1 year ago

You nailed it daddymo. Thanks for the recognition.

Ayla Ervin 1 year ago

Haha. Yup.

Tiffany Farley 1 year ago

It’s crazy what all happens during the day. I only have one baby and I can’t imagine having another one. I thought I could do it all too and sometimes feel bad for not getting it all done. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. As long as my baby girl is happy, I’m happy. I’m fortunate though that my husband doesn’t make those comments and he u . sually makes me dinner after a 12hr day at work. We have a puppy too, so it’s almost like I have 2 kids. Lol

Sall445 1 year ago

Yes, this doesn’t seem easy, but imagine still having these same responsibilities with a full time job…. Much harder. Moms/dad’s who work and come home and have this all to do have it 100% harder.

E.S 1 year ago

It frustrates me so much. No my kids don’t take down curtains or eat out of the kitchen. But they are busy, and very far from perfect. I enjoy the challenges and there are many times I cry because I worry I am doing it all wrong. However, I refuse to judge another stay at home parent, for successfully trying to make it through the day in one piece and still manage to keep the little people alive!
We are all in this chaos of parenting together. It is time to step aside from judging others and realize they are successfully doing what they are attempting. And *gasp, everyone may do things differently, but I promise, I am. so far from perfect that I am not up to other parents ideas and I refuse to judge what works for them.

April Hanson 1 year ago

Props to the dad trying to stay at home AND work from home…wow.

Karen Flateau Lawrence 1 year ago

Wouldn’t give up those years for anything

Shelly Schitzerpantz 1 year ago

I love this!!!

Elise 1 year ago

Oooh do tell me more about this educational show they call the muppet babies!? Give me a break. Every house has different rules. Good for you for being controlling about where your kids eat. I could give a crap where mine do because guess what I’m not standing in the kitchen to eat a treat and I wouldn’t make my kids either. What works for your house doesn’t work for others. I’m very intrigued that your 1 or 2 year old child was never destructive while learning boundaries. You must be some all star parent. My eyes hurt from rolling now.

Beth Chantille Good 1 year ago

I was a SAHM for many years. I can tell you that working full-time, going to school full-time, and being a single mom to 3 boys, 1 of which is special needs is a LOT harder than being a SAHM ever was.

Andrew Callander 1 year ago

Stay home dad for a year and a half. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever and will ever have. Respect to all stay home parent.

Heather Caraway 1 year ago

at the end when he said it was the toughest job he ever had he forgot to say “it’s also the most rewarding’. The work sucks but the hugs and memories are FABULOUS.

Jackie Madden Boechler 1 year ago

Its so true. Its tough to be home with kids, I’m home with two and run a day home so a total of 6, not for the faint of heart.

Leslie 1 year ago

go away! you obviously have no idea what you’re talking about.

Jennifer B 1 year ago

YES.

Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy 1 year ago

I’m amazed that this post can be viewed as encouraging the mommy wars. This is one dads perspective on staying home with kids – it’s ALL hard, this parenting gig, period.

Mandy 1 year ago

This post was kind of upsetting to me. Not judging, I know we all fight our own battles and the author is being funny. BUT, if my husband stayed home with our kids and this is what a TYPICAL day looked like, I would be furious. I know a few stay at home dads and I know for a fact that this isn’t their typical day. Maybe I’m reading more into the post but it didn’t make me say “right on, I know how you feel!” Just my two cents.

Lorraine Neil 1 year ago

I don’t even bother to clean during the day anymore. Totally pointless. I wait til my son is in bed and go to town. It makes my life so much easier.

You know in Japan they have a onesie for crawlers that is also a dustmop :)

Maggie Poling 1 year ago

I like this article and the parts of his day that he shares with us. That being said, some of the commenters on here leave me scratching my head. We are so quick to judge him for his decisions, even though we just read a small iota of them! Can we seriously not just say, “hey, you’re doing a good job” and leave it as that? Why do we have to analyze everything?! We all do the best we can with what we have!

Tiphni Horak Vega 1 year ago

Ha ha totally true!!!

Sherry Sembera Malone 1 year ago

I’ve done both (career & SAHM). In MY situation, being a SAHM is so much harder than having a career…by leaps and bounds! I loved my job, my pay, my boss and company perks (gym & daycare on-site, etc.)! 😉 With that said, I have 4 kiddos and one is special needs (so much more work that a “normal” kiddo)! It’s ALL perspective and everyone’s different! Thanks for the story/apology Scary Mommy! Happy Mother’s Day to all! :)

Neeloofar Haghighat Jenks 1 year ago

It’s a shame some don’t know how to be grateful to the nannies, daycares, schools and family that help them. To say you do all that SAHPs do and work is a huge disrespect to the caretakers you have chosen for your children while you are at work. Surely, they do something????

Anita Erceg 1 year ago

This is funny, imagine pracices4 times a wee ,games traveling sports every weekend and trying to feed everyone fresh cooked meals everyday ..that is not even a bit what I do on daily basis and I have ppl asking me wth you do all day? Not man women that is worst part . Thanks for this article

Ruth Utterback 1 year ago

I was a stay at home mom and it is hard. I had 2 boys 2 years apart, one with special needs. my older son when he and his wife separated and shared custody made the comment to me how do single moms do it. How did you do it and you and dad were together. So he knows, all dads need to stay home just a couple of weeks. Also now more men are staying at home and good for them.

L.a.c.e 1 year ago

While some things this man does I wouldn’t do. I know there are many other things that I do, people would disagree with. I agree with you that people need to get off their high horses. Easy to be so judgemental from behind a computer screen.

Roxanne MacLean 1 year ago

This was a great read! One of the hardest jobs with little thanks is that of the stay at home parent.

Jamie Gore 1 year ago

That sums up every single day at my house. Throw in grocery shopping or a trip to target and we would live parallel lives!

Christine Love Jackson 1 year ago

I’m a Grandma now and wonder how I got through the labor intensive years of staying home with my kids! All you parents out there, enjoy – it goes so fast!

Annette Harvey Young 1 year ago

I’m a sahm, and while it’s not all sunshine and roses, this guy makes it 100x more difficult by letting his kids be little dictators.

Patricia Lopez 1 year ago

This made me laugh. Thank you! I am a stay at home mom and it is challenging but so rewarding. Nice read day before mother’s day ;0)

Lauren Quintana 1 year ago

I give 100% to SAHM’s. My head would be in the oven.

Bethany Buffington 1 year ago

oh yeah It’s just like that. thanks.

Cindy Serikaku 1 year ago

Very eye-opening!

Alma Camps Campins 1 year ago

Tricia robichaud, you should clone your husband and then you be a millionaire next morning. I would love one to put on my mantle piece

Scary Mommy 1 year ago

This was hardly meant to be a divisive piece, merely recognition of how tough is it to be home with the kids. It’s ALL tough, yes, and this is ONE perspective. Let’s get our panties out of a wad, shall we?

Erin Nicole Clopton 1 year ago

Love it! Sounds exactly like my days & I work for a few hours everyday and all day on weekends. Wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

Chantelle 1 year ago

That thank you was directed to Chrissy’s original comment, btw.

Chantelle 1 year ago

THANK YOU!

Christin Caffee 1 year ago

Love this!

Lisa Ingegniero 1 year ago

Great read.

Heather Childress 1 year ago

I wouldn’t change a thing, I already have one grown and gone,and the rest aren’t far behind. I morn for the time I didn’t get to spend with them and try to remember that it’s a blessing to be home with them now,even when the middle two are trying to kill each other,the 4 yr old has found the remote and the TV volume is now at max, my mom is yelling my name and somewhere my sanity is holding on very tightly to that last nerve which is bending! 😉

Kelly Markert Garthaus 1 year ago

Soooo true!!!!!

matt 1 year ago

nothing wrong with reading in bed….not sure what that comment is meant to mean, where do children mostly get conceived? and yes i mentioned despite what you perceive, tv hyperactivates your brain. it causes stress and contributes to poorer sleeping.

So it might distract them and calm them on the outside, making it easier for you, but in the long run and scietifically when you look at peoples brains, it is a cause of hyperactivity in the brain. but go along with anything you want or believe, and dont give your children the best and most healthy start in their life.

And in respond to the other post, i’ve lived my life at the end of my tether for the most part, yet i have many problems and i wouldn;t have children as i would not be able to look after them to the degree they would deserve

Kate Pliester 1 year ago

Love. Thank you.

Fiona 1 year ago

This made me laugh! Yes, you can live in a more organised household than this one, but it is utterly exhausting. As well as the practical necessities of looking after kids all day, we constantly put ourselves under pressure because we are not doing enough housework, of engaging or kids in enriching activities ask day long. Even if you’re super mom (or Dad) you can’t do everything – if your house is clean and tidy, you’re not spending enough time with the kids. And so on…

Jeannie Juhnke Farver 1 year ago

let alone eat your food while it is still HOT!!

Michelle Bane 1 year ago

Love ! I accept apology and I remember some same thoughts before I was SAHM! :)

Anette Winkler-Rosati 1 year ago

Hardest job ever. I got it easy. .I go to work

Renee Crawford 1 year ago

Thanks for the apology! Staying at home with kids is NOT for everybody and it’s a lot harder than some think it is

Vanasa Bennett 1 year ago

OMG hearing “mom, mom, mama…” 14 hours a day drives me batty!

Alison Fabello 1 year ago

Thank you!!! I was a stay at home mom for 8 years and got “what have you been doing all day?” on a pretty consistent basis from my ex husband. Now that we’re both single parents he knows :)

jenn 1 year ago

THANK you! I was thinking the same thing. Dude needs to grow a pair and stand up to his kids :)

Paula Baker 1 year ago

My husband just did a stint of sahd for a week and the first thing he said when he picked me up from the airport was “I get it now” I asked “get what” his response “everything, just everything”!!!! Poor guy needs to go back to work to find his sanity!

E.S 1 year ago

Brats? You can judge a child and call them “brats” because of a blogpost? You criticize his parenting because he posted a humorous look at his day? I mean, really, how long did it take for you to climb up on your high horse of perfection?

I am a stay at home mom of 4. My husband works 90 hours a week AND we farm to provide for our family. I spend HOURS catering to everyone, including neighbors and friends, volunteering at school, community work and I can promise you that this man is as real is it gets. Instead of judging and criticizing and name calling children you don’t even know, perhaps look at yourself in the mirror and evaluate who is really the brat?

Lauren Stanevicz Adams 1 year ago

Oh man, this thread is just going places I don’t want to be a part of… So on that note Happy Mother’s Day, ladies… working AND stay-at-home. I’m gonna go hangout with my kid.

Nadia Yuknis Perez 1 year ago

Love this!! Apology accepted! :-)

Tasha 1 year ago

Oh my goodness thank you so much for saying that! My kids know food belong in the kitchen and they don’t dare step out of there with even a sippy cup. My 16 month old knows this. And we don’t do tv except for the 9 year old, and when we do let the younger ones watch it, it’s usually an old show like Muppet Babies or Gummie Bears definitely not spongebob

gail 1 year ago

Wait, you got a shower??? lol keep up the good work

matt 1 year ago

well as i said i approve of the article in general. But i shall tell you why other peoples parenting should be everyones business. First and foremost to make sure every child is safe from harm.

What i want to get across though is one bad parenting technique teaches other peoples childrens that that mgiht be how things should b done. Whilst overall i agree with my upbringing (now), at the time i saw other children being treated differently, it makes u feel jealous and undervalued. It makes you question your parents and encourages you to misbehave. I’m not saying everyone should b brought up identically but certain bad habits spread and spread and its everyone’s responsibility to maintain future society as something to be looked upto, not feared. So many badly parented kids out there that people are now pretty scared of them.

Thats not the way it should b and all children should be felt to be treated fairly, over spoiling and coddling your child will always affect other children and other parents and society as a whole.

So please don;t blame people for being interested,or trying to put forward what they think might be a helpful point of view or information. This was posted in a public place allowing anyone to post (this is my first time here), do not read the comments if you only want to enjoy the article for what it is. of course you are allowed to comment anything you want.

No-ones comments make anyone right or wrong, they are opinions, which should be encouraged to be shared and we should all maintain an open mind to others and their ways of doing things, even if we don;t agree.

And sorry a parents sanity is there own concern, there childs growth and future should never be limited by the parents personal worries. Having a child was a choice, deal with it, if you can’t then get help. If you can;t get help and can;t cope…then why did you have a child. That is something someone has chosen to deal with and the child has the right to the best start. This is something incredibly hard to do and people will always get it wrong, but you should always be trying, and there are other ways to do things to help with the struggles. Children first, parents second.

A parent struggling with their survival – say through hunger – should always make sure they feed the child and not eat themselves if they can;t only get that much. A good parent puts their own needs after those of their child. I view sanity the same as children can get very messed up in the head, at a much more impressionable time when they are less experienced in general to deal with it.

Whatever else is going on.

I do approve of this article and think it’d be good for many many people to read. Can;t say i agree with everything in it but the message is what is important, the comments are for discussion surrounding the article and the issues raised in it

Callie 1 year ago

I get a kick out of the fact that our boys will be happily playing with each other, or by themselves, and if I’m not sitting in the room all hell breaks loose. They will ignore me for an hour, but the minute I get up to do something around the house it’s like, “Waaaaaait! Coooooome back! We can’t ignore you if you’re not in the room!”

I’ve managed to get away with doing stuff in the kitchen (we live in a townhouse so the living room flows into the kitchen) without inciting a riot. I’m still in eye and earshot. I can straighten up the kitchen and get meals together without much fuss. I save for laundry at night now. My DH and I do it together after we put the boys to bed. It’s just better for everyone that way.

Cheers, Daddy Fishkins! This shit ain’t easy.

patty smith 1 year ago

you should not do anything in bed other than sleep. and tv calms children down because it gives them something to focus on and distracts from any current problems… you dont have children, do you matt?

Sheena Hughes 1 year ago

Finally, a man that understands, lol!!!

Elizabeth Rapoport Anthony 1 year ago

Hilariously true and funny. Great article!

Callie 1 year ago

Amen!

lsg1378 1 year ago

Onya Matt.
Remember that when you are a parent at the end of your tether 😉

Katie Anderson 1 year ago

hahaha too funny! These are my days and I have had people who were upset with me because I didnt reply their message on facebook, who of course dont have kids!! I wish ALL who dont have kids could read this and understand that we dont have time for ANYTHING!!

Jennifer White Schreiber 1 year ago

This is awesome

Lucie Couch 1 year ago

Some times I wish I could go to work for a break. Would be lovely to wee in peace and have a hour lunch bresl where you can eat without being interrupted

Chrissy 1 year ago

And the judgement police come out. This is meant to be a nod towards stay at home moms and the difficulties they might face with a humorous twist. Obviously this man also has another job that he tries to fit in while he is home with the kids. If letting his kid have a tv in their room gives him some sanity who are you to judge. Please raise your kids and mind your own business. Guess what not everyone lives your life or has your”perfect” children. The world would be a kinder place if we didn’t judge each other. I thought this was a funny article and enjoyed reading it.

Jennifer Lockwood 1 year ago

Been on both sides. I’m currently a single mom of three, which let me tell you is no easy feat. When I was married, I stayed at home with those very three children. Yes, being a sahm is hard. Very hard. But at least you don’t have to worry about where the money for rent, food, clothing and the gazillion other things the kids need comes from.

Sarah Sokol Czupek 1 year ago

I have been on maternity leave for 5 weeks now with my 3 boys and going back to work will be a vacation compared to this!!!

Moms Magazine 1 year ago

Hilarious!

Alexis Rene Snyder RN 1 year ago

Completely true

Licho Flores 1 year ago

Lol drum roll please…. Great thank you for posting this I had to quit my job that I loved so I could stay home with my daughter….

Tonya Whoopi Branam 1 year ago

I quit work to be a stay home mom 21 years ago. I didn’t get any of this because he worked so hard he came in, ate, went to sleep. I had twin babies, a three year old and a six year old. My only regret was not realizing how amazing I was then. It took me babysitting my new grandson two days in a row to look back and realize it.

Laura Kitt-Johnson 1 year ago

Staying at home- the best investment I ever made !!! And much like military service, ” the toughest job you’ll ever love.”

Anthony-Carmen Cesare 1 year ago

I’ve been a single working mom and a stay at home mom/wife, and I have to say single working mom is easier. My house was never messy, because we were not home to mess it up. We ate one meal there, took baths, and went to bed. BOOM, easy as pie. But someone else raised my kids, I missed everything it seemed. Now my house is a wreak, but this job is more rewarding, I’m not working to pay someone to raise my kids and I don’t miss a thing. Still a single income, but I know my kids…and my house will be clean when they are grown!!!

matt 1 year ago

tv doesn;t calm anyone down,watching any screen sends your brain into a state of hyper activity. So good job there.

TV if shown to children should easily stop an hour or two before bed, and should never be used to calm a child 😛 cause in reality it doesn;t do what you perceive it to be doing.

if i want a really good nights sleep, reading a book in bed…at least a slightly boring one, for as long s you can before dropping off. Doesn’t work if you are not tired, but say u could have 5 hours sleep each night, if i was up til that point where i would have to sleep,and i was on a screen i would rather take 4 hours sleep and fall asleep reading, letting my brain turn off naturally so it doesn’t interfere with my deep sleep process

Lauren Stanevicz Adams 1 year ago

It’s easy to say that about something you’ve never experienced. I am a SAHM and am extremely grateful that I get to stay home and care for my son. Are there days when I think about going back to work? Yes. Days when I long for adult interaction sans child? Yes. But that doesn’t make me ungrateful. There are ups and downs to both sides. I don’t understand why people can’t just see that and support eachother. We all know how tough it is to be a parent but we are the first people to treat eachother like crap over it.

Grace Lynch 1 year ago

17 years at this. I wish I had a pay check

Laura Tilly 1 year ago

Oh my gosh this is my life!!!

Jeannie 1 year ago

Thank you!! I just became a stay at home mommy again after 2 years of working nights, while the hubby at the time worked days, so that we didn’t have to pay an arm & leg for child care. My hubby is now an over the road truck driver, he is gone all week, & I never know what day on the weekend he is coming home. I am a single parent for the week, taking to take care of 3 kids (12, 5 & 3 1/2) & everything else. I have no idea how I did it all when I was working!! My hubby has learned rather quickly to not say anything when he walks into the door, or he will be sleeping on the couch for the 36/48 hours that he is home!!

Julie Peters Krohn 1 year ago

Add home schooling and there’s no question why gourmet meals eventually go out the window!

Emily Lukingbeal Stepp 1 year ago

I wish I could make my other half REALLY read this.

matt 1 year ago

glad i wasn;t the only one

Susie G 1 year ago

Louise, I completely agree!! I was out of work for a year with a 10 month old and kindergartner. Did I mention that my 10 month old had a full body cast and my son has adhd? Even without the added pressure it was pure hell. I am a working mom, but it gave me a perspective I never had before and you begin to really empathize with stay at home parents. I wish I had what it takes because I loved spending that time with my daughter, when things were good, I never had that with my son. Refresher courses should be a must when they are little.

Jill Renae Ruggero 1 year ago

This is by far the best thing I have read. Ever. I’ve got three kids, but only one who’s not in school. He’s two. I’m doing good if I’m able to be out of my pj’s by noon :-)
“Cleaning your house with a toddler is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos. “

Cynthia Lozito 1 year ago

Lol, this is awesome

Heidi Dyer 1 year ago

would not trade the time I spent raising my kids…just wish I had spent a little more of it saving for retirement lol

Jennifer Lee Orr 1 year ago

This made me laugh!

Caroline M Leary 1 year ago

Ahhhhhh…. the stay-at-home years. Thanks for walk down Memory Lane. You nailed it…Lol

Carla Smith 1 year ago

Kudos to you for your honesty !

Janelle Troisi 1 year ago

Love This!!

Jill 1 year ago

This is by far the best thing I have read. Ever. Thank you!!!

Krystal Ramos Barnes 1 year ago

😉

Lydia Quinones 1 year ago

Thank you for recognizing.

Bobbi Sue Clint Hoflund 1 year ago

I would like to point out that each side is probably a little jealous of the other. I for one as a SAHM am jealous of those who work outside the home….for many reasons but one of the top reasons is you get adult interactions on a daily basis.

Tina Marie 1 year ago

To me, the beauty of this article, is not that he was saying one was harder than the other, or minimizing either person’s role. He was acknowledging that he used to minimize his wife’s role in the home and now realizes that it is just as challenging as an out of the home job.

Megan Yunker Hensley 1 year ago

I think if you are a PARENT (mom OR dad) who loves, cares for, and nurtures their child then you are doing it right. I don’t know when we started competing about who has it worse or better (stay at home vs. career parents), but I’ve just always felt that people should do what works for them and their situation. Being a parent is work, of course, but I made that choice for myself and I love every minute of it. I don’t feel I am owed a pat on the back for raising my children in a healthy, loving environment. I appreciate and love both of my parents, and hope my kids will grow to do the same, but honestly, it’s not the terrible gig it’s made out to be sometimes. It’s chaotic, crazy, and a ton of work, but more importantly, it’s the best fun I’ve ever had and I would never wish for anything different!

Lisa Marie 1 year ago

Maybe this is why I am excited to go back to work next week? lol

Kara Lee 1 year ago

Its about finding a good balance i have 4 kids 7,5,3,2 i stay home through the day work of a night and also study part time one day a week… its busy but do-able :)

Lauren 1 year ago

This article made mad. My husband is a stay at home dad so I know how hard it can be. But this dad gets nothing done because his kids are brats. No 3 year old should have breakfast in bed watching TV. They shouldn’t even have a TV in her room at that age. And when they throw a temper tantrum they shouldn’t get what they want. GVE ME A BREAK!!! And my children have never been so out of control that they rip curtains off the wall. Kids will be kids but these need discipline. He will get much more done during the day once he has some control. Who is the parent here????

Michele Maxwell 1 year ago

It gets easier an they get older then u get tv time that doesn’t include spongebob

Jennifer Bennett King 1 year ago

Truth. My husband has NO idea. He just can’t figure out why I’m not super happy and energetic at night. As my son would say, “DUH!”

Danielle Head Kabernik 1 year ago

I wish everyone who has ever asked me, “so what do you do all day?” could read this!

Erin Elizabeth 1 year ago

Nice to hear. What’s not so nice to hear is my husband telling everyone that I don’t “work”. I live for the day that I can work outside the home again. After 3 kids, won’t that be a breeze :)

Ellyn McNulty Reilly 1 year ago

The author is describing a day at home with young children and all of the chaos that comes with that. This isn’t an attempt to downplay the hard work of moms with careers. We’re all doing what we have to do to make the best life for our families whether it’s working in the home, outside the home, or both. Motherhood is difficult (and joyful) no matter how you tackle it!

Pamela Sargent 1 year ago

The 5-6 hour..how is that even possible? With me it’s NEVER ENDING!!stayathomemomof4

Sarah Kurtz 1 year ago

I’m a stay at home single mom who also does childcare out of my home. It’s hard but so worth it.

Kristy Chadwick 1 year ago

I agree! The hardest and most rewarding job ever!

Jenn 1 year ago

I totally agree! I’m still in the newborn stage, but I’m breast feeding so I’m stuck on the couch for hours at a time. (Especially because princess falls asleep after half her feeds and knows when I put her down and wakes up immediately). I usually do housework in the evenings when hubby is some so he can hold her for an hour. (I’m actually typing this one handed on my phone while she sleeps lol)

Kris 1 year ago

This is awesome. My BF seems feel the same way you felt. He goes to work thinking I get to sit around all day. I wish we could reverse roles. Thank toy Daddy Fishkins you understand us.

Shay Ope-James 1 year ago

I have to do ALL of this and work

Lydia Ann Taylor 1 year ago

My husband was Negative Nelly about the house and things I did not do until he was laid off from his job. He spent 1 month home with our first child while I went back to work. He was miserable. I came home to a mess and 2 dirty and exhausted boys daily. Best month EVAH! Hubs has never complained since.

Tricia Hamilton Galbraith 1 year ago

I think every man should read this!

The Outnumbered Mother 1 year ago

It’s not a job for the faint of heart. That’s for damn sure. Great read.

Laurin Mayer 1 year ago

ME TOO!

Marie 1 year ago

Thank you!!

Louise Curtis 1 year ago

You forgot to mention that watching TV with the kids is not something you do by choice…..it is important calm-down time for them but they will freak out if you attempt to leave the room.

Every working parent should read this article – then have two months as a full-time stay at home parent, with periodic refresher courses when the reality has faded from their mind (much like the reality of giving birth :) ).

Louise Curtis

Jessica 1 year ago

Can’t tell you how much I loved this! So, so accurate!