This Little Girl Is Going To Hate Zoos For All Of Eternity

by Valerie Williams
Image via YouTube

A baboon made his angry feelings known in the grossest way possible

A little girl visiting a North Carolina zoo was on the receiving end of an extremely pissed off baboon’s frustrations. In a disgusting show of fury you have to see to believe, the animal let her know exactly how angry he was.

Suffice to say, if this child never sets foot in another zoo, no one will blame her.

According to NY Daily News, a father recorded his daughter’s encounter with a baboon at Tiger World in Rockwell, North Carolina, that went very wrong very quickly. The animal looked agitated by the kids almost right away and after a cage-banging display most moms will recognize as the “I’ve had enough of your shit, kids” warning, the baboon reached down and picked up a hunk of its own poop. And fired it straight at her with a scary accuracy.

Oh, ew. So much going on here, but the funniest part by far is the father’s audible gagging (followed by an audible “Oh, fuck”) and total inability to wipe baboon shit off his child because he’s so grossed out. And probably truly stunned, but mostly, grossed out. This dad is basically all of us after our first diaper blow-out, only it’s primate poop. On his kid’s skin. Get it together, dad. She needs you.

The shocked little girl walks away muttering, “Ew, I hate this place.” Which is a remarkably chill reaction considering she has fresh monkey doodoo on her face.

In analyzing the sequence of events, you have to wonder if the girls throwing something is what made the baboon decide to angrily fling feces at them. A nice little reminder to every parent that letting your kids chuck things at highly intelligent primates is probably not the best choice of zoo activity.

To be fair, the baboon tried to warn them. He had that “stop pissing me off or I’ll break out my shit canon” sort of posturing going on that they didn’t pick up on. The thing is, no matter how cute and cuddly we try to paint zoos, these are wild animals. And they very likely don’t want to be there any more than this kid wanted to be covered in monkey turds.

The elephant in the room here (see what I did there?) is that zoos suck, and we all ignore how much they suck. Kids, this baboon has had enough of our shit. Literally. While many of us still take our children, we don’t feel great about it. And there’s a reason for that. This baboon is a highly evolved creature, and probably has a lot of rage at being caged up. Can’t really say we blame him.

In an email from the zoo’s founder, Mashable shares that visitors to the zoo should definitely know better than to toss things at animals and potentially aggravate them, particularly this baboon. “Founder of Tiger World Lea Jaunakais explained that the monkey in this video is a pet rescue. Visitors are informed about via multiple signs near the exhibit and by staff of the animal’s possible behavior as well as triggers to avoid agitating the money.”

OK, dad filming this whole spectacle. Maybe don’t let your child throw things at animals or taunt them with words, especially when there are warnings posted of the potentially shitty outcome. Let this be a lesson to us all, lest we end up with monkey poop-covered children.