Baby Must Haves

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

Wondering what baby must haves you really need? Turns out not too many. Forget about silly luxuries like wipe warmers and baby music, my kids survived, no, thrived, without the basics. Turns out, you really don’t need any of those things you registered for, after all. Baby must haves? Snort.

1. Bibs. I’m not sure why, probably pure laziness, but I can count on one hand the number of times my children donned protective gear while eating. And, they were not clean eaters. They just wore a lot of horribly stained clothes.

2. Changing Table. We owned a changing table with Lily, but I never used it. Instead, we changed diapers on the kitchen counter. I set up the diapers and wipes in a kitchen cabinet and slapped a towel on the perfectly tall counter. It was convenient and much easier than schlepping up the stairs every half hour. Who has the energy for that?

3. Diaper Pail. The Diaper Genie? What a crock! We registered for one, but the second I discovered that it required specially designed liners it was outta there. Who wants wrapped up shit sitting in a nursery, anyway? Whether you can smell it or not is besides the point- it’s nasty! A plastic wastebasket and whole bunch of plastic grocery bags did the trick perfectly, thank you very much.

4. Baby Bath. Why mess with a big plastic thing when you can just stick them in the sink? With my second two, I just lined the kitchen sink with a towel and plopped them right in. Clearly, I tried to climb the stairs as little as possible.

5. Baby Laundry Detergent. Tide free is the same thing, at half the price.

6. Diaper Bag. Pre-children, I once mistook a diaper bag for a laptop carrier. The changing pad made a nice little computer wrapper and all of the compartments were perfect for storing my pens and sunglasses. Once I had children, though, I simply bought over-sized bags and threw all of my crap in them. Having a mom car was bad enough, I refused to sacrifice my choice in bags.

7. Burp Cloths. When I thought of it, I would occasionally grab a dishtowel and throw it over my shoulder, but most times I would simply walk around with a perma-stain on my shoulder.

8. Bottle Warmers. We bottle fed the kids and simply never thought to warm the water for our poor winter babies. It was an extra step and middle of the night feedings were hard enough. It horrified both of our mothers, and in retrospect, I can see why.

9. Baby Shoes. You know their feet will never touch the ground, right?

10. Blankets. We were given and bought countless blankets for each baby, but you aren’t supposed to put blankets in cribs anyway, so what’s the point?

I think it’s safe to say that all you really need is diapers, wipes, and a way to feed the baby and clothe the baby. Everything else is really unnecessary. Plus a whole lot of love, of course. And a strong gag reflex always helps.

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