It may sound harsh, but my tolerance for unnecessary bullshit has rapidly declined since I became a mom. I think to outsiders it may appear that I have become selfish and cold, but I’m at a point in my life where I’m just trying to keep my head above water — to be the best mother I can be, to not screw my child up royally, and to keep my husband semi-happy.
These things may sound simple, but just trying to maintain an ounce of balance in my household is a chore. Managing my immediate family and our affairs is about all I can handle.
You see, the bullshit is consuming. It weighs us down. It keeps us from being our best. It allows external factors to determine our happiness. And often times the bullshit has nothing to do with us except the fact that we took it upon ourselves to be involved, or we were unknowingly dragged in.
The bullshit can have many faces. It comes in the form of problems that need to be fixed. It comes in the form of unnecessary outside voices and opinions. And sometimes it’s just someone wanting you to do something that you aren’t 100% comfortable with.
I used to think I could handle it all. I was the bullshit whisperer. Until I got effing beat down by life. I ended up 10 pounds lighter with extreme anxiety. The bullshit was literally eating me alive — and it wasn’t even my bullshit. It was the bullshit I had elected to take on along the way. There was not one pivotal moment, but many small moments that started to reveal the position I had put myself in, and it was not pretty. And that is when I said enough is enough.
As you know, life has enough bullshit that isn’t elective. There’s cleaning the house, doing homework with your kids, going to the grocery store, paying bills, doctor appointments, vet appointments, and car maintenance. The list goes on and on. These are things that we call “responsibility,” but let’s be honest — they are bullshit. I have realized that the mandatory bullshit is literally all that I can handle.
I am a certified people pleaser and have spent my entire life being the model daughter, friend, sibling, etc., but now I have had to transition into trying to be the best wife and mother. My newfound no bullshit attitude has been a hard pill for those around me to swallow. I have had to set boundaries and stick to them. I have had to learn to say no and be okay with people being upset with me. I have had to miss Buncos, baby showers, social events, etc. And I have had to learn what my limitations are and accept them.
But more than anything, when it comes to parenting, I have had to learn to say, “This is my child and we are raising him how we want, even if it’s not what you would do. I may rush him to the doctor faster than you would. I may hold off on swim lessons until I think he is ready. I may feed him meals that you think are unhealthy. I may not let him do all the things you would let your child do. But the fact of the matter is, he’s not yours to raise.”
There have been fights. There have been stand-offs. There have been times when family members were escorted out of our house because they cannot respect our values and boundaries. There have been changes in relationships. But you know what? That’s just what happens sometimes in life. Things evolve. Life has seasons. When you have children, things change, and it’s not just with your husband and you. Other relationships change as well.
Some for the better. Some for the worse. But mostly, they just end up different.
And I’m okay with that.
Once you finally release yourself from the bullshit, the sun shines a lot brighter.
You walk a little taller because you have finally shed all that extra baggage and weight.
Don’t let the bullshit take your joy.
It’s hard enough just being a mom.