Today I will regale you with the ten best things about having as many kids as you have…. hmmm. Can’t really finish that comparison because are no body parts that come in threes. How about eyes since you have to grow one in the back of your head to have three kids? Ba dum ching! Here they are, the 10 best things about having three kids:
1. They are never lonely.
One time I told my oldest that I used to be lonely as an only child. She answered, “That’s how I feel when I’m awake, but Clara and Levi are still asleep.” Um, sorry, no. That’s like comparing NASCAR racing to me going 67 in my minivan. Until you dress your stuffed animals up in your pajamas and arrange their empty sleeve arms and legs to sit next to you on the couch, don’t talk to me about lonely, child with two siblings. I mean, sure, sweetheart, that’s the same thing.
2. They have options when they get sick of each other.
So, when the oldest two have a fight, they can go fight viciously over who gets to play with the baby. Wait, that one worked out better in my mind.
3. They can share clothes.
The girls are almost the same size, and the baby can get hand me down unisex clothes. Like that one denim jacket. Well, at least this works out for the girls.
4. Instant excuse for not doing what you don’t want to do.
Sorry, can’t go to Disney, we have three kids under 5. Sorry the house is a mess, we have three kids under 5. Sorry we lost touch since college, I have three kids under 5. Sorry I ran over your dog, three kids under 5. Sorry about embezzling funds at work, etc.
5. One of them is always being particularly cute.
This isn’t coincidence. As soon as one acts obnoxious, the other ones think, “Now it’s my turn to shine!” The best way to get an “I love you Mommy” from my middle is to put my oldest in time out. The schadenfreude radiates out from her head like a halo of demonic joy.
6. They always have a playmate.
Do you know who would have had to be Anna to my daughter’s Elsa if she was an only child? Exactly. Do you know who has NEVER EVER had to be any Frozen character, not even once, because both protagonist roles are taken and the baby alternates as Olaf, Sven, and Prince Hans? Exactly.
7. Other kids never screw with them.
When we enter the playground, it’s like the Pink Ladies walking into Rydell High, but with a diaper bag and no sex appeal. Nobody is going to try and push around three kids. Also, my oldest will murder anyone who bothers her younger siblings, because she is awesome.
8. It’s never boring.
Ha ha! Just kidding. It’s painfully boring all the time. But at least each child is annoying in his or her own unique way, and small amounts of novelty can come from turning my attention from one to the other.
9. Nobody dares to give me parenting advice.
I know very few people with four or more kids, probably because they are doing laundry during all their waking hours. And I have yet to meet someone with the same amount of kids as me or fewer who is fool enough to tell me how to parent when I have managed to keep three kids under five alive, dressed, and fed for over a year.
10. They love each other.
This is why I pushed three humans out of my only-child-who-likes-quiet-
and-cleanliness uterus, and it is a heart melter. Every time my daughters say they are each other’s best friends, or one of the girls calls my son “the best baby in the world,” one more of my gray hairs and extra fat cells is worth it. So they better keep doing it, a lot.