Ask Scary Mommy: My Husband Only Watches Big Boob Porn And I'm Totally Flat-Chested

Ask Scary Mommy is Scary Mommy’s advice column, where our team of “experts” answers all the questions you have about life, love, body image, friends, parenting, and anything else that’s confusing you.

This week: Your man likes big boobs. A lot. But you don’t have them. Email advice@scarymommy.com

Dear Scary Mommy,

My husband and I have a fairly average sex life. It’s not bad, but it’s not…great, either. Not because of our lack of time or energy, necessarily, but because of his preferences. He loves big boobs. A LOT. He loves them so much that he only watches porn if the woman has big boobs. The problem isn’t the porn, the problem is my boobs. They’re non-existent. Total A-cups. He’s never once made me feel bad about their size or implied they should be bigger or anything like that, but I can’t help feeling crappy about it. Especially knowing what he likes.

Listen, body insecurities come for us all and they’re a bitch. It sucks feeling bad about something you can’t control. But if I could just perhaps shift your perspective a bit on this, maybe I can help.

There’s a reason why men like Rege-Jean Page, Henry Cavill, Henry Golding, Chris Hemsworth, and even the ol’ classic Brad Pitt are popular and while we can all praise their acting chops until the cows come home, if they weren’t incredibly attractive to literally anyone with eyes, they wouldn’t be as popular as they are. And 99% of us don’t have spouses who look like them.

Let’s assume you watch porn. You probably don’t watch only men who resemble your husband, do you? Now I know boobs are boobs, and anyone can have big ones. But it’s okay to have (safe, consensual, healthy) fantasies that aren’t based in reality, because what’s the point if they’re too realistic?

Your husband loves you. You said he’s never incited these insecurities about your boobs. Now you have to work on being OK with your boobs, and what you need to feel good about them for you.

The next time you start to feel down about your décolletage, think about the people in your own fantasies who turn you on. Maybe they’re taller than your husband, or more muscular. Maybe you fantasize about an auburn-haired Scot like Jamie from Outlander with throbbing pectorals and a killer kilt. I’m guessing maybe your husband doesn’t ravish you while shirtless in a kilt very often (I could be wrong!) and might not resemble Outlander’s Hot Scot.

We’re all attracted to lots of different things, and the people we’re in relationships cannot fulfill all of those things. As long as he loves you for you and makes you feel sexy and desirable, let him have his fantasy-land boobs. You’ve got your own fantasies, too, remember?