Billie Lourd Opens Up About Grief On 5th Anniversary Of Carrie Fisher's Death

by Madison Vanderberg
Barry King/WireImage/Getty

Billie Lourd posts a series of emotional posts on the anniversary of her mother Carrie Fisher’s death

Billie Lourd, just like her mother Carrie Fisher, has a way with words. It’s been five years since the iconic actor and Star Wars star Carrie Fisher passed away on December 27, 2016 and in two separate posts, Lourd opened up about her complicated grief process and in another, she dedicated a moving performance of the Fleetwood Mac song “Landslide” to her mom, a song her mom loved and played throughout Lourd’s childhood.

In a throwback post with her mother from her childhood, Lourd opened up about the her experiences with the “stages of grief.”

“​​People always ask me what stage of grief I’m in. I’m in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day,” Lourd wrote. “My grief is a multi-course meal with many complicated ingredients. An amuse bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetizer with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree and of course a little denial for dessert.”

“And that’s how grief should be — all things all at once — actually there is no ‘should’ in grief — grief just is whatever it is for you and that is how it ‘should be,'” Lourd elaborated.

Lourd also shared a moving performance of the song “Landslide,” whose lyrics, she says, speak to her grieving process well.

Performing the song with her friend — fellow actor Kaitlyn Dever and her sister Mady Dever — the three harmonized to “Landslide,” by Fleetwood Mac on the anniversary of Fisher’s death. Lourd says that singing along to that song was “something [my mom and I] loved to do together. We loved to sing. We loved Fleetwood Mac. We loved this song. It echoed in our living room throughout my childhood, playing slightly too loudly as she scribbled her marvelous manic musings on yellow legal pads.”

“One night when I was having a particularly grief-y moment this song came on and the lyrics spoke (well actually sang) to me more than they ever had before,” Lourd shared. “‘Well I’ve been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you. But time makes you bolder.’ I didn’t know who to be or what to do after my mom died. I was afraid of changing because I had built my life around her. Then she was gone. And I had to rebuild my life without her. And it wasn’t (and still isn’t) easy. But time has made me bolder. I never stop missing her but I have gotten stronger with each passing year.”

Fisher died at the age of 60 of a heart attack on Dec. 27, 2016 during an international flight, and her mother (Lourd’s grandmother), the actress Debbie Reynolds, died one day later. Sending so much love to Lourd during this time.