Dad's Rant Explains How To Deal With Box Tops So You Don't Lose It

The school Box Tops struggle is so real

If you have a kid in grade school you’ve no doubt heard of Box Tops. They are those little squares on cereal boxes, mac-n-cheese boxes, cleaning products, and school supplies that raise much needed moo-la for schools. Except as one dad found out – they’re kind of a nightmare. Especially if you’re the one in charge of organizing and turning them in.

Bobby Fogg starts off his Facebook post with this great opening line: “I want to have a little conversation about box tops and how they almost ruined my life yesterday.”

Fogg explains that he and his wife Tricia volunteered to be Box Top parents this year. That means they’re in charge of cutting, counting, and preparing the squares for submission to get money for the school.

“My wife had a busy day yesterday so I told her I got this. Again, for all I knew I was cutting, counting, and preparing little squares… simple enough, even for me,” Fogg writes. You already know where this is going, dear reader.

First, he broke out the overstuffed packet with instructions in “size eight font” which looked more like a complicated manual “to take a rocket man out of North Korea.” Despite how involved and detailed the instructions looked, Fogg tossed them aside anyway. He laments, “How hard could it be?” Oh buddy, you have no idea. Or rather, you do now.

“So I begin my journey being ill informed of what I was actually supposed to do because I did the only dude thing possible and only read 11.5 percent of the instructions,” he writes.

Fogg sat at his kitchen counter cutting the “mountain pile of Box Tops” and he has an ah-hah moment: there are three types of parents in this world. “The parents who are meticulous and cut each little Box Top out perfectly following the cut lines … kudos to you,” he writes. Seriously.

Then there are parents in group two who apparently don’t own scissors because all of the edges of their squares are torn and jagged. And the last type of parents, are the super fun ones “who didn’t bother to cut or tear anything out at all, they just sent little Johnny to school with the whole damn box so he can earn his gold star and participation point for the day. Don’t be that parent.”

Fogg explains that after three hours (YES THREE) of counting and cutting he noticed he was getting hand injuries. “Should I post a picture of the blisters on my hands and put #BoxTopCrossFit?,” he asks. Yes, please because Box Tops are work.

Just as Fogg thinks the end is near and there’s light at the end of the Box Tops tunnel his wife drops a bomb on him.

“So I get most of them prepared in their nice little zip lock bags with 50 in each, and then my wife proceeds to say to me over the phone, ‘Are you checking them for their expiration dates?’ Um…. No. Seriously? WTFFML,” he writes.

“At this point I was just going to throw in the towel and cut a check myself to fund the school,” he adds and we don’t blame him one bit.

As he went back through the Box Tops he found ones that were expired in 2014.

“Come on parents, either you’re feeding your kids some old ass food or you need to clean out your junk drawer more than once every five years… either way, pull it together people,” he writes.

Fogg and his wife then joined forces and handled the Box Tops together … you know, at 9PM. “We’ll probably need a marriage counselling session or two after that episode though. The struggle is real.”

After going on his Box Tops adventure (nightmare hell ride?) Fogg has some suggestions that he’d like to make. To be clear, he’s not anti-Box Tops, he’s just not a fan of the process because there has to be a better way. Right?

Additionally, Fogg thinks those Box Tops being worth 10 cents (TEN. FREAKING. CENTS) needs to change too. As he says, “Good lawd do parents and teachers earn that 10 cents.” Indeed.

The whole thing is hilarious, but in the end Fogg just really wants help from parents. After all, to know better is to do better parents. We can all make life easier for Box Top parents.

“For the love of all things fluffy and happy in this world, help the teachers and parent volunteers help your children and cut the damn box tops out, make sure they’re not expired, put 50 in per zip lock bag, and write that number and the teacher’s name on the bag,” he writes. “Doing this can help save sanity, it can help save marriages, and little Johnny may just get two gold stars instead of one.”

He also has a special message for dads, “…for the dads out there, suck up your manhood and read the instructions. They really do tell you what to do and will save countless hours of self-doubt, pain, and suffering.”

“And for the teachers, parent volunteers, and PTA participants… Respect.”