Brooke Shields Is Only Kind Of Serious About Tracking Her Kids With Microchips

by Mike Julianelle
Image via Ben Gabbe/Getty Images

Brooke Shields wants to implant her kids with a tracking device and she’s only half-joking about it

She was joking. But only half-joking. Not that she won’t probably have the option, eventually. We basically live in “1984” already!

The star was on The Today Show, discussing an Argentinian soccer team’s use of microchips in their season tickets to prevent fraud, when she speculated about using similar technology on her children. Ya know, to keep them safe!

According to Today, Shields speculated, “How do you find your children if they somehow get kidnapped?” she said. “I like the tracking device. I like a little LoJack on my babies. I want a BabyLo — a baby LoJack.”

When I was a kid, I used to have nightmares about being kidnapped. I was terrified of the possibility. It never happened, mostly because it’s not that common and not at all because I don’t have Brooke Shields’ genes.

Leaving aside the fact that she just compared her children to cars, and that she also compared the idea to the microchip that’s under her dog’s skin and allowed them to retrieve the pup when it got free in New York City, it’s an understandable impulse. What parent doesn’t have irrational worries about their children?

Treating them like property is a little bit extreme, though, don’t you think?

But should the option become available, Shields knows exactly how she’d get the job done. “I thought I would do it in their sleep,” she joked. “Mom, what was that? ‘Oh, I don’t know it’s a mosquito.”’

Clearly, the woman is insane. Who in their right mind would EVER risk the chance of waking a sleeping child?!

Again, the actress was joking. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t some truth behind her comments.

Fear for the safety of our children is a normal, valid feeling, and it’s one that pretty much takes over your life once you become a parent. Hardly a minute goes by that the status and whereabouts of your kids isn’t on your mind. But if you’re not careful, you can allow that fear to become a smothering, overprotective micromanagement that robs them of their personal agency. The next thing you know, they either grow up too timid to try anything new, or so sick of the yoke that they rebel.

It’s a tricky balancing act, and basically the central challenge of parenting: how do we protect our children without limiting them? I’m not so sure implanting microchips under their skin is the solution. Especially not when we can already track them via their phones!

Besides, when they turn 18, I pretty much want nothing to do with my kids. Out of sight, out of mind. Just call me if you need a lawyer.