If you’ve got a “golden child” and you tell other parents how to parent, you’re an asshole
For many parents, the first child is a golden child. Calm and polite, the golden child stands out like a sore thumb from the sea of screaming monsters at the playground. You think to yourself, “wow, I got so lucky, we should definitely have another kid.”
One mom is here to tell you all about why the first child is basically a false advertisement designed to coerce you into reproducing more kids.
Brooke Wilkerson, mom of three — including that trademark first perfect child — recently shared a video to her Facebook page titled #ShoveItSusan. In it, she hilariously calls out all the smug parents out there who think because they have one good kid, those who don’t are doing something wrong.
“I used to think I was like a really good parent,” Wilkerson begins. “Back when I only had one child and she was like, two or three, everyone would talk about how good she was. She was just really well-behaved, and polite, and sweet. And I was kinda like, ‘I’m doing alright, I must be killing it at parenting to have this golden child.'”
This hits home on many levels as I’m currently the mother to one “golden child” toddler who’s literally all of those things. I actually refrain from ever posting anything braggy about her online because I know my husband and I are spoiled assholes.
“But then I had another child,” she says, pausing so the camera captures the screams of her second kid, throwing an epic toddler tantrum in the background. “And then I realized, this isn’t about me. I’m doing the exact same things. One is great, one is in his room with the doorknob turned around.”
I don’t necessarily wish to only have one kid — I’ve always imagined having two — but OMG, videos like this one are exactly why I’m hesitant. I know my limits. I will crumble under the chaos.
Wilkerson then goes into the difference in reactions she receives when sharing things on social media about her son instead of her daughter. She often gets chided for a “lack of discipline” with other moms saying their kids “know how to behave.” Because isn’t that just so helpful?
“Once you have more than one kid, you realize they have different personalities. And it’s not up to you. What works for my five-year-old, my two-year-old will laugh at.” She also admits that before having her second child, she was part of that judgy group of moms — because when you have one pleasant, easygoing, well-behaved child you just don’t get it.
She says most of the comments she gets are about discipline. “Oh, gosh, thank you Susan — I hadn’t thought of disciplining him,” she mimics in the video. “Look Susan, yeah, I do discipline him. Most of the time it doesn’t work. But thank you for that. They should write articles online about that, so people would know how to discipline.”
LOL. I may have a golden child, but I swear I’m no Susan — Susans are THE WORST. Your kids might come from the same factory, but they’re all different models. Ya dig?
If you’re parenting a tough kiddo, “just cut yourself some slack and know that it’s THEM not YOU,” Wilkerson tells Scary Mommy. “The first born is a trick into getting you to continue reproducing,” she quips.
“So moms out there, if you have a sour patch kid — that’s my affectionate name for my second-born — and you’re wondering what happened, I don’t know either,” she says. “I can give you permission to tell all the Susans to ‘shove it’ and to come to your house and discipline your kids, and see how it works out for them. Bless their hearts, they just don’t know.”