Buy a Sickness!

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

I just read a story about people who buy diseased lollipops, and they are sent through the mail, in hopes of making children sick with things like chicken pox, mumps and measles. You know, instead of vaccinations. From a member: “I got a Pox Package in mail just moments ago. I have two lollipops and a wet rag and spit.”


It’s along the lines of chickenpox parties, except via the mail, so you really have no idea who or where the nastiness is coming from, or what other diseases are actually present.

We’ll file this under things I just don’t get. At all.

However, since there seems to be a market for this sort of thing, I’d like to offer up my son.

Each and every winter, Evan is a walking germ-fest. His nose constantly spews a variety of rainbow colors and coughs and sneezes constantly. He’s that kid who elicits cringes and scowls from pre-school parents, wondering why I don’t just take him out of school all winter long. The sickness begins back in September and lasts all the way through March, resulting in inevitable season-long illnesses for the entire household.

So, because I love you all and everyone deserves a sick day, I’d be willing to send a used tissue of his to rub all over your face. It’s pretty much a sure-fire way to get sick and the next best thing to having him breathe all over you.

Maybe, if you’re really lucky, you’ll even get pneumonia!

Consider it my gift to you.

You’re welcome.

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