Mom's Hilarious Rant About Sexy Halloween Costumes Is Spot-On

by Sarah Hosseini
Originally Published: 
Image via Instagram/Carey Reilly

Comedian Carey Reilly explains why she’s fed up with Halloween costumes for women and girls

Unless you’re extremely creative, crafty, or talented with a sewing machine, you’ll be headed to the store to buy a Halloween costume like everyone else. If you’re a woman, you know that it’s a total freaking nightmare because not only are the sizes all over the place (who knew a medium could span 10 dress sizes?), you’re also limited to one type of costume: sexy.

One mom is fed the hell up with the lady costume shenanigans and totally nailed the nightmare that is shopping for costumes in a hilarious new Facebook video.

Carey Reilly is a comedian and mom who tried on a bunch of ill-fitting, sexy costumes to prove how truly scary it is out there at the store. “You wanna talk sexism? Let’s talk Halloween costumes,” she starts.

“There’s only one lane for Halloween costumes for women. And that’s the sexy lane,” she says while donning a sexy cat costume. “Good luck finding something that doesn’t have a bustier, fishnets, and high heels.”

Honestly, if you’re a woman even a ghost costume can be sex-ified. You can’t even be a nun without the outfit including a patent leather corset and lingerie pantyhose. And then there’s the whole sexy cop thing. “Who said yes, she can be a police officer, but she’s gotta be a naughty one?” Reilly asks in the video.

“When did Halloween become the new swimsuit season,” she asks. “We have to fast, we have to wear Spanx, we have to lose 10 pounds before Halloween so we can fit into these tight costumes! I don’t want to be a sexed up Alice in Wonderland.” She brilliantly points out that men don’t have to deal with this crap.

“Men don’t have to put Spanx on and lose 10 pounds for Halloween. They put on a mustache and bandana and say ‘I’m a rockstar!'”

And honestly, WTF is up with the sexy maid thing? “You actually think I want to be a sassy maid?” she asks. “I’m a cleaning lady for my house 365 days of the year.” I can’t think of anything more un-sexy than dressing up in tight clothes and pretending to do the shit I do on a daily basis. There’s nothing sexy about me scrubbing more effing toilets.

“You wanna make a sexy, sassy maid costume? Make one for my husband, while he’s cleaning the dishes, and vacuuming the floor, and picking his dirty underwear up now that would be sexy.” True that, isn’t domestic equality sexy AF?

Reilly asks the question we’re all wondering: who the hell came up with these raunchy costumes? Who is behind all of this madness? And where are the costumes for moms of all sizes?

“I’m not good enough,” she says. “Hi, real mom over here, with a muffin top. Proof I had a baby!”

Not only are the sizes of these costumes totally fucked up, who wants to show up at the neighborhood Halloween “family friendly” party as a sexy bunny? Who wants to feel awkward walking into the office in their sexy kitten costume? Or sexy scarecrow? Or sexy anything? We need options. For us and for young girls.

“I couldn’t believe how almost every girl’s costume was so overtly sexualized,” Reilly tells Babble. “Apparently, if you are a woman, you can only be a naughty cop, a hot firefighter, or [a cat] named ‘Purrfect Playmate.’ I almost thought maybe I should shield my kids’ eyes when they were looking at the pictures!”

Reilly also wants to make it clear that she’s not judging women who dress up sexy for Halloween – that’s their choice. “I’m not putting down sexy costumes, but I’m saying I think we need more choices!” she says. “Where’s the Susan B. Anthony or Jane Goodall costumes? I’m sure if they did make them, Jane Goodall and her chimp would have to wear a corset and thong.”

At the end of Reilly’s epic rant she asks, “Where are the costumes celebrating women?”

“I don’t want my daughter to think that for Halloween she has to pick out a sexy Halloween costume,” she says. “C’mon we can do better than that!”

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