This “granny bra” rant is what every large-breasted woman thinks while bra shopping
A comedian from New Zealand totally nailed everything wrong with bra shopping when you have huge boobs. In a video that quickly went viral, she explains the struggle with finding bras for her large breasts that aren’t “granny” bras and also, don’t cost more than their smaller-sized counterparts.
Chardé Heremaia, the voice behind the blog Memoirs of a Maori, posted a video to Facebook this week of herself bra shopping at Kmart. In it, she hits on every infuriating aspect of buying a bra when you have big breasts. Check out the video here.
Heremaia’s complaints are familiar to anyone in her position. She has trouble finding cute bras that don’t cost an arm and a leg in her double-F cup size. In the video, she says, “I’m so offended that Kmart and other places feel that they have to give big-titty girls granny bras,” and to that, me and my big-boobied brethren say, YUP.
She holds up a bra in her size and calls it “fucking ugly,” which, it totally is. Every big-breasted girl knows that finding cute bras in large sizes that aren’t “fucking ugly” is like trying to find a unicorn in the middle of a magical forest. She acknowledges that sometimes, women with big boobs want to look like “a saucy minx” and to wear something other than boring, ugly, black, cream or white bras with huge straps.
If you have large breasts, you know the drill. You flip through rack after rack of adorable bras with little bows on them, cute patterns, sexy lace — only to discover they don’t come in anything bigger than a C cup. It’s beyond frustrating and it’s hard to feel sexy and young and attractive when you’re wearing bras that belong on an 80-year-old.
Heremaia tells Buzzfeed, “I’ve endured many years of having to resort to smaller bras or extremely ugly ones as I was on a very tight budget.” She wonders, “Why am I paying $80 to $100 for a granny-looking hammock?! Smaller bras come cheap, and you don’t pay more for shoes when you have bigger feet, do you?!”
As a woman with large breasts, I’ve been on a quest for cute bras that don’t cost half a car payment since the age of 13. I remember being a teenager and feeling so jealous of the other girls in the locker room in their adorable bras with slender straps while mine looked like something my mother would wear. And now that I AM the mother, I’m still wanting to look sexy and attractive — not like I’m wearing a utility harness.
Yet, if I shop online for cute bras, (keep in mind, I’m a D or DD — a pretty common size) they cost tons and if I shop in person, even if Victoria’s Secret happens to stock some in my size, they’re deeply hidden in the lowest drawers. Because heaven forbid, we make it possible for women with larger boobs to easily locate a bra that fits them appropriately. They either don’t exist or they’re tucked away where no one can be offended by such a ghastly sight. It’s total bullshit.
Retailers and bra manufacturers need to wake the hell up. There are tons of women like Heremaia and myself, and tons of women with even larger breasts, and we all want to look cute. We also don’t want to drop hundreds of dollars for the same thing our tiny-breasted counterparts get for a much more sane price.
Is it really so much to ask? I think not.