You Can Finally Buy Vagina-Shaped Confetti, Thank God

by Meredith Bland
Image via Kickstarter

The time has come — with little to no foreplay, as usual

If you’re in the market for products shaped like genitals, then the internet is here to help you. In fact, that’s exactly why the internet was created. This is especially true if you’re looking for penis-shaped things. Pasta? Done. Stress ball? Sure. A subtle pair of slippers? Please. We’re bored already. It’s harder to find high-quality vagina-shaped novelties, but one woman is doing her part to fix that. She has created vagina-shaped glitter.

It’s called Clitter. And we love it.

Veronica Moonhill, who has been added to the list of People I Would Like To Drink Martinis Out Of Vagina-Shaped Glasses With, is a glitter aficionado. She even keeps a bag in her purse at all times, just in case. (In case of what? Who knows. Yay glitter!) About six months ago she got married, and at her bachelorette party, she noticed that she and her friends were surrounded by a bunch of dicks. “I thought, ‘Why are a bunch of powerful ladies sitting around celebrating dicks?'” she writes on the Clitter Kickstarter page. “That’s insane! It’s time we started celebrating VAGINAS!'”

Image via Kickstarter

After discovering a dearth of vagina-shaped products online, (and yes, before the comments section gets started, we know we’re primarily talking about vulvas, not vaginas, here. Just work with us, please) Moonhill created Clitter, “metallic confetti designed to celebrate the holy trinity of lady parts: vaginas, boobs, and ovaries.”

Image via Kickstarter

Moonhill notes in the video on her Kickstarter page that we’ve been celebrating penises in everything from weaponry to architecture for way too long, and it’s time to give vaginas some love. And it doesn’t have to stop with bachelorette parties! According to Moonhill, there are a variety of ways to use Clitter: you can “throw it in the air, and let pussies rain down on you and your friends” or “use it to Clitter-bomb some bros who look like they couldn’t find a clit if their lives depended on it.” And it can be used at any birthday party because, as Moonhill puts it, “we all came out of vaginas.”

Image via Kickstarter

Have I mentioned that I love this woman? Because I do. I love her.

Image via Kickstarter

Clitter has already raised almost double its original Kickstarter goal of $3,000. And if you contribute as little as $8, you’ll get a bag of Clitter and a Clitter sticker.

People. That is a mother-loving deal.

Image via Kickstarter

And I don’t want us to stop here. I want a vagina mug to drink my morning coffee out of. I want challah twisted into the shape of ovaries. I want a pussy pillow I can scream into when the day’s news gets to be too much. Let’s start incorporating a little more vagina into our daily life. It’s about damn time. As Moonhill puts it: “I want to celebrate vaginas, and their power, and their beauty, and their shape. Let’s go Clitter-bomb the patriarchy.”

Clitter will start shipping sometime in April.