The Mommy/Daddy Expectation Double Standard Is Bullsh*t

by Maria Guido

Blogger Constance Hall gets real about how moms and dads are praised differently

Constance Hall, aka woman-who-always-speaks-the-truth, took to Facebook this week to discuss something that annoys the hell out of most of us moms: the double standard that exists surrounding the type of things we expect from moms and dads.

In a nutshell, moms are endlessly judged, and dads are endlessly praised — just for showing up.

Long story short, Hall went to lunch by a park and the restaurant had no changing table. She walked into the park and proceeded to change her son on the grass. A busybody from hell walked up when she was done to chide her for doing so.

Fast forward to the next week, her husband pulls the same move with their kid: takes him onto the lawn to change his diaper. A group of women walked by him and praised him for the same, exact action his wife took the week before and got chided for.

“I didn’t think much of it because I am used to it, ” Hall writes. “I am used to being scrutinised for jobs that my husband is praised for. I am used to picking the kids up from school to judgmental looks about being late, while Bill is used to a red fucking carpet and a 12 piece band praising him for his heroic appearance at school pick up.”

“That’s the way we as a society are, we place so much pressure on women to be perfect and selfless while putting low parenting expectations on men,” she continues.

Participation trophies. We constantly hear people complaining about these in regards to kids, but did you ever realize that dads get them all the time? There is nary a parenting move a dad can publicly make without being praised endlessly for it, and it may sound petty as hell — but it’s annoying, okay? It’s annoying that the world somehow thinks there is no such thing as a paternal instinct, and every move a man makes to comfort or care for his children needs to be endlessly applauded.

It doesn’t. Not only is it totally unfair to moms, it’s insulting to dads.

If parenting is so damn hard that fathers deserve a ticker tape parade every time they make a move, can we moms get some confetti up in here too? Probably not, because the crowds would be too busy scrutinizing our every moves to remember to clap.

“I am not saying quit the praise. I love seeing Bill get praised for the things he does for our kids,” Hall explains. “He is a good dad, why not celebrate him. But let’s praise each other too, let’s see a women talking on the phone while pushing her pram and think ‘wow, she chose not to stay at home bidding on eBay smashing straight vodka. She chose to come to the park and be a magnificent mum.”

Yes, please. More praise, less judgment. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.