My Partner And I Sleep In Separate Beds, And It’s Amazing

by Caila Smith
Originally Published: 

Growing up, my grandparents always slept in separate beds. As a kid, I always found it a little odd. But that’s because my naive, young self didn’t know what a pain in the rear it is sleeping next to someone who hogs the blankets and takes up so much space. Now that I’m grown, I think Grams and Gramps had something going for them, because my husband and I rarely sleep in the same bed.

And I already know what you’re wondering…. “How do you even have sex?”

Well, if you must know, we do it like regular humans. After five kids, I’d say we are A-okay in the sex department, thank you very much. Plus, we are creative (bonus points for us).

In an ideal world, we’d enjoy sleeping in the same bed. But, well, we don’t.

No, we aren’t cold and dead inside. We are both bed hogs, and I’m majorly claustrophobic. Neither of which mesh all that smoothly together.

And as it turns out, my husband and I aren’t the only ones flying solo at night. A new study shows over 62 percent of couples would rather sleep alone. That’s nearly 2/3 couples — holy crap! And here I was thinking my husband and I were the oddballs in the crowd.

You might think my husband and I harbor some secret inner hostility toward one another since we seldom enjoy exchanging warmth at night. I can assure you, that’s not the case.

As for me, I’ve always been this way. After 45 minutes of cuddling or spooning, it’s a freakin’ claustrophobia nightmare for me — and it seems like a night with my husband always ends this way.

Cuddling is hot and sweaty, and my kids already cling to me like a cat in water. Isn’t it okay that I’m not incredibly eager for physical touch during my infrequent moments of alone time too? I think so, and my husband does too. It’s called balance, people.

Let’s get one thing straight: our relationship doesn’t suffer because we sleep separately. Yes, we have the usual Why can’t you ever find your phone or car keys type of tiffs, but we’ve never argued about sleeping separately. Ever.

In the beginning of our relationship, there were times I felt guilty for leaving the bedroom at night. But guess what? He didn’t care! Not even a little bit. When I apologized, he nonchalantly replied, “Why are you sorry? I slept great.”

Ah, I knew there was some reason I kept him around.

Not to mention, we are completely opposite when it comes to our sleeping patterns. He wakes up at the butt crack of dawn and can’t manage to dress himself without turning on every single light. Every single one, people. I’d rather not start my day screaming at him to get a move on and miss my short window of opportunity to catch some more zzz’s.

Once the kids are in bed, we usually spend some one-on-one time together. And for you visual learners, yes, sometimes that does include actual one-on-top-of-one time (sorry, Mom). But once it’s time to settle down for the night, I’d rather drift off to Grey’s Anatomy back-noise than absolute silence, but he prefers the quiet. No thanks.

Also, we’ve had five kids in three years. Two sets of twins and a singleton. Therefore, my back completely and totally despises me. Lately, I’m in pain more often than I’m not, so most of my night is spent tossing and turning. I don’t want to put that on my husband too. And on the rare occasion I fall asleep and stay asleep, it wouldn’t last long if I had to listen to his sleep talking.

All in all, we love sleeping separately. We both wake up in a better mood, and the kids are less likely to drive us bonkers after a good night’s rest. This is what works for us. And 2/3 of other couples, apparently.

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