Dax Shepard Buying A 'Toiletry Safe' Is Peak Pandemic Couple Fight

Dax Shepard Buying A ‘Toiletry Safe’ Is Peak Pandemic Couple Fight

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Kristen Bell/Instagram

Dax Shepard surprises his wife Kristen Bell with a “toiletry safe” to keep all his missing valuables like nail clippers from being stolen

You know that thing when you live with someone and like, all your stuff just conveniently disappears? Like you know you just bought new nail clippers but where exactly did they go? Dax Shepard has a solution, and it’s called a “toiletry safe.” Is it a cute and chic little “safe” made specifically to go in the bathroom? No! Shepard bought a literal safe — like a gun safe — so he can store his hairbrush, tweezers, and nail clippers from the prying hands of his wife Kristen Bell and his two daughters, because that’s where we are in 2020, y’all. Buying gun safes to keep our families out of our bathroom stuff.

Throughout the coronavirus pandemic, Bell and Shepard have been super transparent about the highs and lows of parenting and being married during quarantine, and so in that vein, Bell has started recording her Shepard’s interactions, uploading them to Instagram, and calling it a reality show, and boy, do they deliver.

At the start of the video, Shepard has lost it. He believes his wife and kids are stealing his nail clippers, his tweezers, and that plastic attachment that goes on the end an electric beard clipper. So to ensure the safety of his toiletries, he unboxes a literal safe. “I measured my bathroom drawer before I ordered this so it fits,” he says with pride.

“In this episode, Dax takes measures to protect himself from the ferrets that live down the hall, and Kristen admits to accidentally throwing away a necessary part of his shaver,” Bell jokingly captions the video.

By ferrets, Bell means herself and her children, which is what Shepard calls them. At one point in the video, he also refers to his kids as chimpanzees. So, that is the level of “lost his shit” that Shepard is at when he buys this weird bathroom safe. Also, Bell admits that she did, in fact, throw away her husband’s beard trimmer thingamabob and when pressed as to why she did, she’s just like, I dunno, man. Oh, and when Shepard goes on a delightful rant about how his kids are “stealing” his nail clippers, Bell is like, “Babe, you can’t say ‘stolen’ when your kid takes your stuff.”

One commenter summed it up perfectly, writing, “This is the most marriagiest of marriage fights and I LOVE IT. Frustration, laughter, ridiculousnessness-it’s all there and I’m dying.”

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In “episode 2,” Shepard shows Bell how the safe fits in his drawer and they argue over how many towels a family of four needs. Shepard says “two,” Bell says “more than that.”

In episode three, Shepard breaks down the “missing toiletries” by number stating, “60% of the Apple TV remotes are missing, 100% of the tweezers, and 100% of the nail clippers.” I mean, at least he’s taking a very scientific approach to his missing toiletry induced meltdown.

Thank you to Bell and Shepard for a much-needed laugh this morning.