Dear Fellow Breastfeeding Mother Who Just Doesn't Get It

by Maria Guido

A response to, Dear Breastfeeding Mothers, Is It Really That Hard To Cover Up?

Dear Breastfeeding Mother Who Just Doesn’t Get It,

Okay, I’m just going to say what everyone’s thinking.

Why does a fellow former-breastfeeding mother feel the need to use her voice to shame women?

I mean, seriously.

Is it really that hard to shut up?

Here’s the deal: Strangers don’t want to hear your uninformed opinion. (Yeah, that’s it.)

I don’t get what part of that is offensive.

Look, I get it. I write on the internet for a living so I totally understand the pull to create a lazy mommy wars story that people will click on.

You write,

“I’ve nursed my kids in the middle of the fanciest restaurants, at the beach, at the doctor’s office, in the library, the airport, the grocery store, in millions (okay, dozens) of parking lots. One time, I even sat down on a tiny patch of grass to feed my baby on the side of the road.
But, I still managed to get a blanket, or at least part of my shirt, to cover my naked nipple while my kids ate.
Really, is it that big of a deal?”

You say you “totally get the importance of normalizing breastfeeding, and spreading awareness that we are feeding our children. Which, of course, is more important than anything.” But apparently it’s not more important than this: “The truth is, I don’t want to see your naked boobs. I don’t want my husband to, and come to think of it, my preschool son either.”

Oh. My. God. You went there.

Let’s stop pretending that your need to cover your baby’s face while you were breastfeeding is something all other mothers prioritize. It’s not the 1950’s when women were afraid to be vocal about their rights, or afraid to perform this natural task in public.

Today, things are completely different.

And, if anything, women like you who antagonize nursing mothers — knowing how tough it is — are the actual worst.

The truth is, I don’t want to hear your opinion. I don’t want my husband to, and come to think of it, my preschool son either.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think every woman is entitled to her opinion. It means public breastfeeding, to most people in our culture, is still something women need to fight to be able to accomplish peacefully and without judgment. Shaming other women for not using a breastfeeding cover (which is impossible for some, by the way) is pointless. It’s wrong. Women have the right to breastfeed in public without being harassed — and you’ve just given those who would harass them fuel for the fire. Why?

Yes, you have a computer and an internet connection. Yes, you have the ability to get your words out there to the public.

But you know what?

You actually typed theses sentences:

“Yes, your breasts are beautiful. Yes, they are feeding children. Yes, they are natural.
But you know what?
Your vagina helped make the kid, and I don’t see you flashin’ that around.”

… which leads me only to believe you are a complete and total (I don’t like to name call).

So, for what it’s worth, this is just my own truth: Unless you are adding something nuanced to this conversation about public breastfeeding, I would really appreciate not having to read your passive-aggressive, judgy drivel.

So, go ahead.

Pat yourself on the back for writing something that went viral, even if all it did was ignite a war between women who should be supporting each other.

But don’t hate me for pointing it out.


A Fellow Breastfeeding Mother Who Actually Supports Women