Dear Friends Without Children

by Katie Blackie
Originally Published: 

Dear friends without children,

I used to be one of you. Carefree and not on the schedule of a baby. With the ability to do what I wanted when I wanted to. I miss those days sometimes. And sometimes I am jealous of you because you still have those days. I know our relationship has changed since I became a mom, but there are some things I want you to know:

I promise I won’t always be this busy. Eventually, my baby won’t be a baby anymore, and at some point, I can socialize on a regular basis again. Maybe not as much as I used to, but I will try my best to see you as often as I can.

I won’t always be this tired. Sometimes you tell me stuff and I forget. And I am embarrassed that I forget. You are important, and so is the stuff you are telling me. I just am not very good at remembering a lot of things these days. I called my eyelids eye covers. That’s how tired I am. I haven’t had more than three hours of uninterrupted sleep in over 10 months. I promise that one day, when I am finally caught up on my sleep, I will remember everything you tell me and I’ll have witty remarks and great advice to give.

I really do want to see you. I’m sorry that I can’t be there for wing night every Thursday, and I’m sorry that I say no way more often than I say yes. I really wish I could go to the mall or the movies every time you ask, but I just can’t. And please know that every time I say yes, it truly is a big deal for me, because being a single mom means that I do all of the parenting and leaving my baby with my parents too often makes me feel guilty.

But please don’t stop asking. I want to be wanted. I want you to ask me to go places and do stuff. Because then it reminds me that you still love me and want my company, even though I rarely say yes. And every now and then I will surprise the both of us and say yes so that we can share some laughs and catch up on what’s happening in our lives.

I miss you, a lot. I miss going for drives and going to the gym and drinking ridiculous amounts of wine and taking random road trips and making those awesome cookies. I miss seeing you as often as I used to, and I miss your smiling face.

You were there for me when I was pregnant, and I will never forget that. You tolerated my mood swings, took me on ice cream dates and came with me to pick out baby stuff. You listened to me complain about gaining weight and told me I was beautiful in the dead summer heat when I was sweating and my feet were swollen. Thank you. I love you for that.

And on the bad days, the days when I felt overwhelmed, you stayed by my side. You heard my worries and my fears. You might not have always had an answer or a solution, but you had an open mind and an open heart and were there for me when I was most vulnerable.

So, my beautiful friends, please know that I value you, respect you and will always love you. I know things have changed and that life is more complicated these days, but I still think of you often and consider you my best friends. And to my girlfriends who had children before me: I love you too, more than words can say. Thank you for getting me ready for this amazing adventure I am on. I couldn’t have done it without any of you. You were there for me in every way possible, too.

I love you all and miss you more than words can say. One day, when I’m not covered in spit-up, running on three hours of sleep, or dealing with a teething baby, I promise I am treating you all to several rounds of wine.




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