I Can't Wait To Show Trump How Wrong He Is About 'Suburban Housewives'

by Rachel Garlinghouse
Originally Published: 
Donald Trump/Twitter and GraphicaArtis/Getty

I am absolutely not surprised by anything the president tweets. He showed us who he was before he was elected. His racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and elitism are glaringly obvious, at least to all of us who chose not to vote for him, and won’t be voting for him in November. However, one recent tweet stopped me in my tracks.

Did he actually say that “the ‘suburban housewife’ will be voting for me”? He thinks he knows us. According to him, we “want safety & are thrilled” that he “ended the long running program where low income housing would invade their neighborhood.” And for good measure, he ended his tweet with a warning. If we vote for Biden, we’re screwed, because Biden will “reinstall” the program. I can’t possibly clutch my pearls with any more vigor, said no liberal woman ever.

My first thought was that he, once again, wants to appeal to white, middle-class Americans and tell us that we should have no fear. He will be our knight in shining armor by keeping us safe from “those people.” You know: those who live in low income housing whose sole life mission is to “invade” whiteness. He’s reminding us to believe stereotypes and cling to the idea that Black and brown people are dangerous, untrustworthy, and downright criminal. They are always up to no good.

Remember, this is the man who separates families at the border, doesn’t care about protecting us from a global pandemic, referred to Mexicans as rapists, called white supremacists “very fine people,” made fun of a reporter with a disability, and bragged, on video, about grabbing women by their genitalia. But don’t worry. It was just a little locker room talk. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

He’s going to be our suburban superhero and keep us safe. Not only will he protect us from people of color, but also from Cory Booker — a Black man. Don’t forget about Biden. He’s apparently a predator who is threatening to bring whiteness to its knees. Gasp! Whatever shall we do? I’m trembling in my apron.

My second thought is what year is this? 1950? Why is he referring to me, a white woman living in the suburbs, as a “housewife?” I didn’t marry my house. I don’t wear heels and lipstick, make my husband a cocktail after work, and try to perfect the bundt cake. I most certainly don’t own any pearls.

I am not a Karen. Despite what some would love to believe, there are many, many women who live in the suburbs who are not Karens either. We don’t summon managers, we don’t interrogate the new Black family on the street, and, here’s the kicker: We don’t vote for hate.

There are, of course, some suburban women who are total Karens. I guess the president’s tweet is for them. How lucky are they to have a leader who seeks to reduce them to where they live and what they do? He’s going to make America great again by mostly ignoring the pandemic, touting the praises of Fox News, and trying to make sure that we can’t vote by mail in November. Oh, and he’s making sure that no one who has a low income level invades suburbia like Alfred Hitchcock’s birds.

For me, someone who could fit into the category of a suburban housewife (though I consider myself a work-at-home-mom with a house in suburbia), it’s almost hilarious that the president thinks he can command me to vote for him. He didn’t ask us politely to vote for him, because that, of course, would require humility. He dictated that we will, absolutely, be voting reddy red red, in November.

Among my circle of friends, I don’t know a single “suburban housewife” who is voting for Trump in November. He is the opposite of a leader that any of us find respectable or trustworthy. We have zero respect for an adulterer who has been married three times, for starters. If we’re going to stereotype, a true gentleman earns a woman’s respect with kindness, wisdom, empathy, experience, and, of course, humility. He’s not homophobic, racists, sexist, or anything other -ist that discriminates. This president wouldn’t recognize a humble pie if we baked it up in our 1950s kitchen and tweeted a pic of it to him.

“Surburban housewives” like me deal with obstinate, moody toddlers every day of our lives. Toddlers are selfish, and they run on emotions. Whatever they feel, they deal. Sound familiar? If anything, suburban housewives easily recognize when someone lacks the needed skill set to handle a situation. We’ve been sounding the alarm since 2016, and we’re going to keep sounding the alarm until the timer goes off on our double ovens.

Maybe it’s to our advantage that the president’s greatest effort to appeal to us is via his tantruming tweets. While he’s burning the midnight oil, trying to lure us with racism and sexism, we’re busy urging everyone we know to vote blue in November. We’re posting well-researched articles on his lies. We’re participating in campaigning. We’re making sure our nearest and dearest are registered to vote. We’re signing petitions.

Though Trump thinks we’re spending our hours carefully coordinating our kids’ soccer schedules, coiffing our hair, ironing doilies, and presenting our husbands with Pinterest-worthy ham sandwiches, we’re diligently working on making sure that January 2021 is truly a happy new year for our families, our friends, and our entire country. If there’s one thing you don’t do, you don’t reduce a woman’s life purpose to her home and her marriage. We are so much different, so much more.

I can’t wait for the election results to roll in. I yearn for the moment I can tell my children that Queen Kamala, a woman who looks like them, is headed to the White House. I’m going to continue to do what I can to make sure January 2021 looks a whole lot different than January 2017. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pie to bake … and a whole roster of emails to send while it’s in the oven.

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