Disney Princess-Themed Bikinis For Adults Are Here

by Meredith Bland
Image via Instagram/ Dapper Geek News

You can now buy bikinis inspired by Disney princesses

Disney is awesome. Of all the places on earth that you have to sell your plasma to afford to get into, it is by far the happiest. For kids, there is no limit to how much they can love Disney. There’s no limit for grown-ups, either — if you never miss a Disney movie, I get it. If you go to the park every weekend, take me with you. But if you offer me a skimpy Pocohantas bikini to wear to the pool, I’m going to take a hard pass.

Available now for pre-order, Enchanted Bikinis (which, it’s important to say, is not affiliated with Disney) is offering a line of suits inspired by such princesses as Ariel, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty. They are skimpy, they are lacey, and they make me feel like I’m 100-years-old sitting by the pool in a muumuu saying, “Look at these young girls — they look like they’re in their underwear! Go get Grandma another Tums.”

Granted, these suits don’t come with the wigs and other accessories (although you can buy a seashell purse from the site) and on their own might not look like anything too far out of the ordinary. If on the other hand, you’re into Disney cosplay, I imagine these are the shit — I don’t know what kind of swimwear options have been available before now for your average Jasmine, but these are pretty dead-on.

So please — if you enjoy these, go grab yourself a Snow White bikini and a short coal miner and make a day of it. But these do make me squirmy, because a) I am no fun and b) there’s something in No Fun Me that can’t help but wince.

Here’s my rant. I’ll make it super short because I promised my boss I wouldn’t be too judgmental: first of all, princesses. Second, grown-ass women dressed as princesses. Third, the sexualization of children’s female cartoon characters. Whew. Ok. Had to get that out. Do I have my own personal issues with these suits? Yes, I do. But if you go to the pool as Belle will I give you a high-five? Also, yes. My belief is that women should be able to make whatever choices they want, and whether or not I would make the same choice is completely irrelevant. It takes some serious tubes to go to the beach in a Disney princess bikini, and whatever your reasons are, I am here for all of them.

Just promise you won’t try to swim in the mermaid skirt. Nothing ruins the fantasy like watching a mermaid drown.