Why You’ll Rarely See Me With My Husband

by Joanna McClanahan
Originally Published: 
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When my husband and I were dating, we were practically inseparable. We were one of those couples who everyone else rolled their eyes at because we were so attached at the hip. We went everywhere together and were very rarely seen apart.

It’s not that we’re co-dependent people, we just adore each other’s company. We make one another laugh and we know what the other is thinking with just a glance. He gets me. He’s the Jim to my Pam. We go together like macaroni and cheese.

But nowadays it’s the opposite; it’s pretty rare to for my husband and me to be seen out in public together. We have two small kids, and it’s easier to divide and conquer than to go everywhere together as a family unit.

Errands need to be done? One of us leaves and gets the shopping done while the other stays home and watches the kids.

Kids need to be shuttled from one activity to another? He might take our son to soccer and I’ll take my daughter to dance (or vice versa). It’s much easier for us to only be responsible for one kid at a time, and have the flexibility of our own transportation.

One of us wants a night out with friends? More than likely one of us will need to stay behind to watch the kids, because babysitters are expensive AF.

Even when we’re at home together, we’re rarely in the same place. He’s doing yard work or fixing something in the garage. I’m putting away laundry or doing dishes or cleaning someone’s room. Sometimes it feels like we’re ships passing in the night as we each try our best to get all the chores finished that need to be done.

Having small kids together is tough on a marriage. We barely get enough sleep to function, we don’t get much alone time (and when we do, we’re too exhausted to move, let alone have sex), and it’s easy to forget how much we actually still enjoy each other’s company.

Yes, every once in a while, the stars align and no one is sick and we’re able to afford a babysitter and have a date night, just the two of us. We go to a restaurant and enjoy a hot, uninterrupted meal. We’ll have a few drinks and usually still end up running errands together, because even on date nights there are always things that need to be done. But even shopping alone with my sexy husband is a treat because it’s such a rarity these days.

But we both understand that this is just another season in our marriage. In the long run, it’s just a small part of the lifetime we’ve vowed to spend together. So even though things are tough sometimes, I’m hopeful that our marriage will still be going strong when our kids are old enough to take care of themselves.

And in the meantime, we do what we can to check in with each other, and always try to remind one another that we’re appreciated.

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