When you’re in the thick of a divorce, it’s probably not very funny. Then again, it would probably do you some good to lighten up and laugh a little. At the very least, it’s worth a try! So, embrace your newly single — or soon-to-be single — status, grab yourself a glass of wine, and enjoy a little laughter therapy with our list of divorce jokes.
- If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
- What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
- Getting a divorce is like getting fired from a job you’ve hated for years.
- Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
- Getting a divorce is like getting a new phone: You keep telling people how great it is and trying to convince everybody to get one too.
- Why did the cat get divorced?
He was a cheetah.
- A divorce court judge said to the husband, “I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” he replied. “And every now and then, I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”
- Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the marijuana…
The judges have started issuing joint custody.
- What do you call Santa Clause after he gets divorced?
An independent Clause.
- Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for divorce.
Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Then you have grounds.Related: 100 Self Care Ideas For Inspo When You’re Ready To Put Yourself First
- What do they say at the divorced people’s bar?
You don’t have to stay here, but you can’t go home.
- A dentist and a manicurist decided to get divorced…
They fought tooth and nail.
- Why did the stockbroker not get upset when her wife divorced her?
Because she’s got lots of options.
- My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
- How many divorcées does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, the sockets go with the house.
- My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn’t get an erection.
I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn’t stand up in court.
- What did Yoda say to Princess Leia after separating with Han Solo?
May divorce be with you.
- My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
- Why did the geologist’s wife leave him?
He took her for granite.
- Why are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
- Ex #1: Every passing year our relationship gets better.
Ex #2: But we’re divorced. Ex #1: Yes.
- Did you all hear the one about a guy whose wife left him for a tractor salesman?
She gave him a John Deere letter!
- Whoever said money can’t buy happiness never paid for a divorce.
- Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.
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