A Stiff Wind Ruined Trump’s Hair Illusion If You Need A Little Pick Me Up
While boarding Air Force One, the president’s hair fib was absolutely shattered
Last Friday, after a lifetime of rough hair days, Donald Trump had perhaps his worst yet. He boarded Air Force One, as per usual, and it was caught on camera, as per usual. As not per usual, his hair epically lost its long battle in trying to stay attached to his scalp in the position a shit-ton of hairspray was supposed to be holding it in.
Warning: Once you see this footage, you’ll never be able to unsee it.
It was windy that day you see, and as the president stoically made his way up the plane’s steps, his wig (or combover? like, the longest combover ever, if that’s the case) just freaking gave up. Whatever adhesive was being used to maintain an iron grip on his delusions of youth simply couldn’t stand up to the gusts coming his way, and that shit was just left flapping in the breeze for all to see.
Maybe don’t let small children see this video. It’s a little disturbing.
“A woman who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10,” is a thing once proudly uttered by a man who apparently attaches his hairpiece with Elmer’s School Glue. The very same man who once tried humiliating a morning news host for having a facelift lost his yellow cotton candy to a stiff breeze.
To be clear, I don’t typically relish making fun of anyone’s appearance, nor do I find any fault with a man who chooses to wear a hairpiece or rock a combover (you do you, brotato chip). But we all know how vain Donald Trump is. We all know the value he places on outward appearances, feeling free to harshly judge women for everything from their breast size to their weight. It’s awfully rich for a person who attaches his hair using a glue stick and a prayer to insult someone else’s looks, so here we are.
Naturally, Twitter was all over it. As the Russia investigation rages on, Combovergate is just gathering steam — much to the president’s horror, I’m sure.
His next executive order just might be halting the wind.
I certainly won’t be able to scrub this absurd image from my brain any time soon, and I’m still processing how I feel about that. Repulsed? Validated? Horrified? Does any of this even matter anymore?
Trump emphatically lies about crowd sizes, makes gross, public remarks about the size of, ahem, other things, and in general, is obsessed with image. That’s what makes his duck fluff combover sticking straight up, revealing his appropriately balding head (the man is 71 years old, after all) such a god damn delight. If he had never attempted to cover up his baldness in the first place, I doubt anyone would think much of it. But the fact that he goes to such great lengths to conceal it, all the while being an absolutely vile human being who thinks nothing of insulting the appearance of others, makes this a truly beautiful (also nightmare-inducing) sight to behold.
Try some Gorilla Glue, buddy — worked wonders on my son’s science project. And maybe don’t travel on windy days.