Newsflash: You Don't Need A D To Have BDE

by Sa'iyda Shabazz
Originally Published: 
Jeff Spicer / Contributor/Robert Kamau / Contributor/Samir Hussein / Contributor / Getty Images

If you’ve been on the internet at all recently, you may have seen people talking about “big dick energy,” or BDE. Here’s the gist: Big Dick Energy isn’t about having a big dick; it’s about having the swagger comparable to a dude who has a big dick. Or, a dude who thinks he has one.

BDE is about confidence. It’s like, you know you’re hot shit, and you’re so secure in that knowledge that you have a little extra pep in your step. “It’s not cockiness, it’s not a power trip — it’s the opposite: a healthy, satisfied, low-key way you feel yourself,” wrote Allison Davis in The Cut.

That being said, having BDE is a you do or you don’t kind of thing. It’s not something you can learn. But know this, you DO NOT have to have a dick to have BDE. There are plenty of women who ooze BDE.

Have you ever seen a woman and just felt inexplicably drawn to her? I’m not talking sexually, although maybe there’s some of that too. But I mean, you’re drawn to her energy. Like, you want to be her bestie. You may not even get to talk to her, but you can’t take your eyes off of her? She has BDE.

Let’s take an example from that article in The Cut: Rihanna. She is so full of BDE that if having it was a crime, she’d be charged with a life sentence. That shit oozes out of her pores. When she is in a room, all eyes are on her (trust me, I know this from personal experience.) Why? Because she commands attention. But make no mistake, she’s not bitchy. She is just so sure of herself that she radiates that confidence like sunshine.

So, of course, you’re drawn to her because how can you not be? Rihanna is literally the center of her own orbit, and everyone else is just circling around her gravitational pull. And you know what? She owns the fuck out of it. You can see it in the way she stands: shoulders back, head up, eyes straight ahead. Even when she’s playing coy, she’s still like, “eyes over here, mother fucker.”

Take another example, Rihanna co-star in Ocean’s 8: Cate Blanchett. Now this is a woman who has BDE and she fucking knows it. Not only is she talented as all get out, but again, you cannot not look at her when you see her. Cate is confident, but approachable. Like, if you met her, you’d be scared of her a little, but you’d still timidly ask her for a cup of tea. Because more than anything else, you want to be around her. If you don’t have any BDE of your own, maybe you can get some of hers by osmosis or something.

That’s the thing, you don’t need to be packing a 10 inch dick — or most importantly, a dick at all — to be full of BDE. Remember, it’s “Big Dick Energy.” You need to carry yourself in a way that says you do. You know the song “Bootylicious” by Destiny’s Child? “I don’t think you can handle this?” That is the key to BDE. Being confident, but not cocky (I’m sorry, I had to.) Being secure as fuck in who you are and what you bring to the table without being an obnoxious twat.

That’s what these strong, badass celeb women have — a sense of self that allows them to be confident, but you never get the impression that they think they’re better than you. Rihanna is still a total goofball, quick to crack a joke or burst out into the giggles. Cate Blanchett is wry and self deprecating, which let’s be honest, is a total turn on.

Believing in your badassery but not taking yourself seriously is truly the root of having BDE. Look at a dude like Pete Davidson. I mean, it’s hard to believe he takes anything seriously, let alone himself. And yet, Ariana Grande cannot get enough of him. Have you seen the way she looks at him? I mean, it’s amazing.

Or singer/actress Janelle Monae. She is so fucking cool that more than anything else, you want to be her best friend. Because she’s like, “yeah, I’m wearing this suit, but then, look at this dress.” And you’re over in the corner like, “YAS please!”

Chrissy Teigen? Chock full of BDE. Like, so much that John Legend is envious. BDE isn’t solely about sex appeal, though there can be crossover. You’re mostly attracted to the way they carry themselves.

I firmly believe that even if you don’t feel like you have BDE right now, it’s something inside us that we can tap into and channel. Stand with your feet planted firmly on the ground. Push those shoulders back. Make eye contact. You are awesome, and somewhere deep down you know it. Let that BDE shine!

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