As parents, we’ve all had those moments when we wonder “Did those words actually come out of my mouth?” It’s even worse when you realize that it’s probably something your own parents used to say, things that you swore you’d never say to your own children. Never say never. Chances are, we’ve all uttered at least one of these gems at some point…
1. “Who is the parent here: Me or you?” Variations include: “Who’s the boss?”, “I’m in charge” and “You’re not the boss of me!” If either of these come out of your mouth, you’re probably already losing this argument and in need of a mommy time out. It’s ok. Sometimes we do actually need reassurance that we’re supposed to be the authority figure, because it seems like the toddlers are running the show 92.843% of the time.
2. “Do you want me to turn this car around right now?” Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen. After the two hours it took to get everyone bundled up and buckled into the car? Not on your life!
3. “Money doesn’t grow on trees!” Okaaaay. And Skittles don’t really fall out of a rainbow, either. Can’t we just say “No, you can’t have that today” and leave the finance (and botany) classes for later? Any kid with any sense already knows that money doesn’t grow on trees because it’s magically embedded in Mommy’s debit card, of course.
4. “You need to put on clean underwear every day.” Usually said even as we’re sitting in the same yoga pants we wore yesterday. And maybe the day before that, too.
5. “You want some cheese with that whine?” Umm, maybe? Is it string cheese? Who doesn’t love mozzarella? Puns usually don’t go over very well with the under 3 foot crowd. Your older kids probably won’t get it either; unless you’re in the habit of taking them to wine and cheese parties for family night, no one under 30 has any idea what you just said.
6. “We’ll see…” There’s no kid in the universe who doesn’t know that this actually means “I want to say No, but I can’t think of a good reason right now, so ask me again later after I’ve come up with a plausible excuse.”
7. “Finish your peas. There are starving kids in Africa.” Will those kids not be starving anymore if Junior finishes his peas? Has science finally proven that guilt builds an appetite for veggies?
8. “If you don’t pick up these toys, I’m going to throw them away.” Good luck with that. You paid good money for those crap toys and we all know full well it didn’t happen the last 50 times you said it anyway…
9. “Your face is going to freeze like that” or “You’d better pick up that bottom lip before you trip over it!” Neither of which is actually possible, but they’re still ever-popular warnings against the pouty face for some reason.
10. “Go ask your Dad/Mom.” Ditto #6 above. And/or “I don’t want to be the bad guy/make this decision/have this conversation/be responsible for the outcome. This is me passing the buck to your other parental unit.”
Related post: The 7 Stupidest Questions I’ve Heard About My Baby