Sure, the baby book is full of the obligatory firsts: first steps, first teeth and first haircuts. But if we are being honest, those early milestones are nothing compared to these:
1. The first time they wiped their own butt.
2. The day they learned how to find cartoons on Netflix without you.
3. The morning you told them to just go downstairs and get their own cereal. And they did, and you stayed in bed.
4. The night they took a bath without you hovering, and no one drowned.
5. THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!
6. The day the oldest could watch the baby for five minutes while you took a shower.
7. The episode that made your 4-year-old realize Caillou is the absolute worst and your suggestion of Bob’s Burgers is totally legit.
8. The first time you pooped alone.
9. The first time you had sex with your husband without a baby crying in the background.
10. The day you were done with diapers.
11. The day you were done with sippy cups and their goddamn lids and rubber parts.
12. The day that the whole family could watch the entire movie in a theater without incident.
13. The day your pre-baby jeans zipped up.
14. The day you accepted the fact that frozen pizza totally counts as dinner.
15. The first time you enjoyed sex with your husband without a baby crying in the background.
16. The day you decided you didn’t give a shit about your 90-percent-of-the-day-outfit, and WalMart still welcomed you with open arms
17. The day you wandered
heaven Target untethered.
18. The first girls’ night out post baby when one glass of wine made you overshare the details of the birth and you stayed out until your boobs leaked through your shirt (i.e., one full hour).
19. They day child No. 1 actually accepted the fact that child No. 2 isn’t going anywhere soon.
20. The day you gave yourself permission to be done breastfeeding.
21. The first glorious sip of cabernet after 40 weeks of pregnant sobriety.
22. The first diaper your husband changed all by himself (since it was backwards, you secretly turned it around before he noticed/the baby’s butt exploded all over the newly washed sheets).
23. The first five-hour stretch of sleep you had after baby entered the world.
24. Your first date night after the birth when all you could think about was going back home.
25. The moment their big eyes and sticky smile turned your way, and you realized that they are totally worth it.
While I care deeply about the first time my kid rolled over and rode her bike without training wheels, for me, the crazy, messy, slightly boozy moments of this parenting journey are what really stick. While I probably won’t be scrapbooking about them, these milestones are just as important as the rest. Someday, when my kids have babies of their own, I plan to be the first to pour the new parents a glass of wine and pop a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner.
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