Your Elf On The Shelf Can Have Babies Because It Wasn't Creepy Enough Already

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

If you’re running out of Elf on the Shelf ideas, you can always make your Elf a mom

It’s less than a week before Thanksgiving, and you know what that means. Time to gain 10 pounds that will happily be ignored all winter due to the magic of leggings and huge sweatshirts, but also, time to bust out the Elf on the Shelf. Yup. That tiny demon that plagues your household for over a month, demanding that you come up with more and more new and different scenarios for them to be magically found in the following morning is about to make his or her inaugural appearance.

Fear not, y’all. We’ve got you covered. You can now make your Elf a single mother. Or you can have two adult Elfs and a crew of infant Elfs. Whatever works. Bottom line, you can now buy Elf babies.

I know. It’s a lot to take. We’ll go slow.

Some parents love performing yearly Elf duty and happily digest those “400 Things To Do With Your Elf On The Shelf” lists (side note: they always reject my ideas like Throw it in a Woodchipper and Set It On Fire — where’s their sense of adventure?) For those moms and dads who think the garden-variety Elf positioning ideas are no longer cutting it, maybe it’s time to add Elf infants to the mix.


Yes, you’re seeing that right — you can buy an Elf baby and make your list of nightly Elf chores just that much longer. Change Elf diapers. Wipe up Elf spit-up. Diagnose random Elf baby daycare viruses at 2:00 AM while your spouse sleeps soundly and you stare at him with murder in your eyes.

So, have you gotten to the stage of grief yet where it occurs to you that in order to have Elf babies, your Elf had to have Elf sex?


But a little real talk — this definitely could make things a bit easier as far as coming up with ways to pose that damn thing every single night for over a month. Besides, it’s actually kinda cute. In a creepy mini Elf infant sort of way.


You could also make your Elf into half a Duggar or maybe tell your kids there’s a whole Elf daycare center. The world is your oyster, parents. The only limit is your imagination and capacity to handle multiple Elf storylines/names/origin stories at once.


And their outfits are pretty damn cute, TBH.


You can also purchase Elf-sized cradles and highchairs. Why not? You’ve already gone this far.



However, understand that the arrival of Baby Elf might also mean the arrival of the How Babies Are Made questions a bit sooner than planned. You could always stick to outright lies and say that when Santa loves an Elf very much, he gives it… a miniature version of itself. Which is also insanely creepy, but I digress.

We can work on answers to those tough Elf questions later. Just go ahead and buy a few because you know you need enough ideas to get to December 24th with this freaking thing.

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