Annoyed By People Who Won't STFU About When You're Having A Baby? Take A Cue From Ellen

by Valerie Williams
Image via Frazer Harrison/GettyImages

Ellen and Portia face the same annoying baby questions all couples get but in naming their new puppy, they gave the best answer.

Isn’t Ellen the greatest? She’s kind, charitable, gorgeous and absolutely hilarious. To top it off, she’s married to animals rights activist and all-around sweet person, Portia de Rossi. Apparently, all of that wonderfulness isn’t enough because so many people still pester the couple about when they’ll have kids.

Instead of getting angry, the women came up with a zippy (and adorable) response to that prying question. They did have a kid. A dog. That they named Kid. I kid you not (sorry, I’ll stop now.)

Ellen announced on her show this week that she and Portia have a new puppy. She tells the audience, “Portia and I got a puppy and his name is Kid, so now we have a kid. Yep. I mean, he is absolutely adorable.” She went on to discuss the woes of waking every few hours throughout the night with a young puppy comparing it to motherhood, even teasing her DJ about the upcoming birth of his first child and the impending loss of sleep he should anticipate.

And to be honest, Ellen’s comparison of being up all night with a puppy being like life with a newborn isn’t terribly far off. Even though she and Portia don’t appear to be planning on having children, this is about as close as it gets to being a parent. Puppies can be incredibly demanding and high-maintenance and you can’t exactly nurse them back to sleep or give them a pacifier when they’re crying. It’s hard work tending to their needs if you’re a good pet owner.

The fact that Ellen and Portia felt the need to name their puppy “Kid” really speaks to the pressure a lot of couples face from family and loved ones to have a child. It’s an extremely rude question to ask for obvious reasons. You never know if a couple is currently struggling to get pregnant or if the “should we have a baby” question is a point of contention between them with one wanting a child and the other not. In pretty much all cases, it’s best to shut the hell up unless the couple in question introduces the topic.

Naturally, Ellen and Portia face this intrusive inquiry on a much larger scale than the average couple as they’re celebrities in the spotlight and must get it from all sides — friends, family and tabloids. By jokingly naming their dog “Kid” they’re making clear that the question is getting a little old and they’d rather stop hearing about it. Loud and clear, ladies. Loud and clear.

As moms, we all face this questioning from relatives and friends wanting to know our reproductive plans even though they have no place doing so. Ellen showed us how to answer them with grace and humor. It’s ridiculous that anyone has to think this way, but until rude people pull their heads out of their asses and stop being so nosy, it’s best to respond in a way that shows you’re classier than they are. And who knows classy better than Ellen?