Sex

I Need The Sex In Bridgerton — Even If I'm Too Tired For Bodice-Ripping Passion IRL

Bring on the multiple stair-gasms, please.

Written by Jill Layton
Netflix

Is it just me, or have you also been counting down the days until March 25 when Bridgerton returns for its second season full of drama, romance, and insanely hot sexcapades? (Check out the hot and steamy season 2 teaser if you haven't already.) Even though Regé-Jean Page, AKA hot Simon, won't be returning, there will hopefully be plenty more stair sex, hallway threesomes, rain sex, pre- and post-wedding sex, solo sex, and even the sex that isn't sex — like garden makeouts and backwards hand-holding while looking at art.

If you have yet to indulge in the global sensation that is Bridgerton, here's what you've missed: It's a romantic, scandalous, and quick-witted series that follows the Bridgerton family in Regency-era England as they attempt to find love (and a whole lot of sex) within London's competitive marriage market. The series celebrates the timelessness of enduring friendships, families finding their way, and the search for a love that conquers all. And sex. Did I mention sex?

I'm desperate to once again live vicariously through the sex in Bridgerton because, right now, I don't have the energy to do the sex myself. When the first season premiered at the height of the pandemic, it was my indulgent pick-me-up. (I'm assuming it was yours, too.) It was something to look forward to at the end of my day of homeschooling two toddlers, cleaning up my disaster of a house, preparing meals, taking my kids to the park, and then worrying that the kid who wasn't wearing a mask infected our whole family — all while working a full-time job from home.

Don't get me wrong; my wife and I are intimate on many levels, both physically and emotionally. But we're also both just really f*cking tired. Even during a weekend getaway with just the two of us where we have nothing to do except relax and enjoy time together, we'd much rather go to bed early, sleep in, not make four different breakfasts for our kids in the morning, and do nothing (or sometimes everything)... and that timeline doesn't always involve sex. It doesn't mean we don't think about sex. Fantasizing about slamming each other against a door and ripping each other's clothes off is fun, but we have zero time or patience for that sort of over-the-top intimacy in real life. Not to mention clothes are expensive, and honestly, I'm too busy to get out my sewing machine. (That was a joke. I 100% don't own a sewing machine.)

I imagine the sex obstacles (sextacles?) you find in relationships are similar for two women as they are for a man and woman. The thought of getting undressed, making sure all the parts are shaved and clean according to my own specifications, exuding energy I'm sure I don't have, finding happy endings for both participants, and then showering again is exhausting. Especially knowing that in far too few hours, our kids will wake up and immediately be ready to eat four breakfasts (maybe five), argue about god knows what, and then start their day that's jam-packed with activities plus every snack there ever was.

Bridgerton isn't just about the sex, though. The show is full of intense friendship and family drama, and the entire plot revolves around characters fiercely searching for love. I don't know where you're at in life, but I already found my love, and my family and friends are relatively drama-free (except for that one cousin). So, maybe what I crave is something that's the opposite of what I have going on. As appealing as London's high society is (it isn't, actually), I'm good with the regular society of my city. Although, to be honest, I wouldn't mind Julie Andrews narrating my life. There just probably wouldn't be too many people interested in listening, with which I'm very OK.

The truth is, as tired as I am — as you are, as we all f*cking are — I'm never mad about sex after it happens, and especially not during. It can certainly be exhausting, but after watching the hot and steamy pleasure-positive sex that goes down on Bridgerton, any negativity quickly turns to "Let's do this." Even though nine times out of 10, the "Let's do this" ends up being "Let's go to sleep and do this another time, love you, night."

So, here's to another season of the show we all can't seem to get enough of. I watched the first season alone, mainly because I didn't know anything about the show, and it looked like a relatively boring period piece that I knew my wife wouldn't be into watching. But I'm going to turn up the heat and rewatch the first season with her so we can enjoy the second season together, fantasizing about all the crazy sex we aren't going to have...

Or maybe we will.

Jill Layton started writing professionally when she realized her emails and texts were kinda funny. She writes for Scary Mommy, Techwalla, eHow, Cuteness, and other publications she can’t remember, and she owns a greeting card company called Yellow Grass Greetings. She’s the mom of two alarmingly witty kids and the world’s most perfect dog, all of whom she shares with her wife. Follow her on Twitter for more moderately funny things and Instagram to see too many photos of her kids.