Facebook Filters I Wish I Had (and Posts I Can't Get Enough Of)

I resisted it for a long time, and then I grudgingly got an account because I had to have it for a particular job, and then I slowly started to enjoy it. Now I’m on it all day long.

But as you know there are thing we can’t unsee, and I wish there was a way to filter them out and make my long hours spent on Facebook less wince-y. (Don’t worry, the good stuff’s coming up afterwards.)

Suffering Animals

I really do respect and admire my friends who are very rightly concerned about the plight of animals, whether it’s livestock, pets or wild animals. Your causes are worthy. But here I am, taking a short break from something I’m working on, and amidst the clips of Letterman and the life hacks and the food pictures I love, there’s that picture of a starved, tortured animal. I promise to read the text if you’ll just stop showing me pictures.

Insects

I’m afraid of bugs. Please don’t show me close-ups of them.

Bees, on the other hand, are fine. I’m terrified of them in person, but they’re pretty fascinating through the safety of my computer screen.

Spiders

What is it with spiders all of the sudden? I never, EVER clicked that video of the big spider getting hit by a broom and exploding into a million tiny spiders, and yet one day it played and I saw the whole thing, my scrolling hand not quick enough and my eyes too horrified to close. Now it’s also raining spiders in Australia, or something. Help! No more spiders!

Adam Sandler

I can’t help it. I just don’t like the guy. When I see a headline asking, “Which Adam Sandler movie is your favorite?” my response is definitely NSFW.

Horrible Stories About Bad Things That Happen to Children

I’m a parent. I can barely watch SVU anymore, let alone find out about real-life brutality inflicted on kids. I’d just rather not know.

Repeats

The day that silly dress debate started, I must have seen it in my feed every three or four posts. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could put a cap on repeated stories, or group them together, like Google search results? I didn’t care about the dress the first time. I cared about it even less the fifteenth.

The Kardashians. Any Of Them.

Actually, I think there IS a filter for this now.

Posts That Tell Me I’m Doing Everything Wrong

I wrote a whole rant about this already. Please stop telling me I’m doing everything wrong. It’s depressing.

Mombods and Dadbods

Enough.

Kale Snacks

Kale is gross, and someday the rest of the world will finally accept it.

Okay, now to the good stuff! Here are some things that are always fun to see in my feed:

Cute Animal Photos and Videos

Livestock, domestic, wild. Bring it on.

Beautiful, Delicious Food

Yes, I’m one of those people. I never, ever get bored of this.

Random Uplifting Stories

Cops paying for people’s food instead of arresting them for shoplifting, good Samaritans who help strangers, professors soothing their students’ babies during class, I love it all. There were so many great stories coming out of Baltimore at the same time as the bad ones, I wish everyone could’ve seen them.

Dumb Criminals Getting Caught

Like the guy who got arrested after “liking” his own “Wanted” photo on Facebook.

James Franco Updates

They never fail to amuse.