Someone Is Selling Fake Camel Toe Underwear And We Have So Many Questions

Fake camel toe underwear are a thing

Are you one of the millions of women who find yourself sitting around the house saying, I wish someone would just invent a push up bra for my vag already? Your prayers have just been answered.

Labia lovers rejoice — artificial pads shaped like camel toes exist. And you can buy them online now.

If you are unfamiliar, “camel toe” is slang for the effect created by tight fitting pants around a woman’s groin, drawing attention to the shape of the external genitals. Most women are concerned about having camel toe. But now not only can we celebrate it, we can enhance it.

So many questions come to mind. Should we wear our artificial vagina to daycare drop off? The grocery store? Or should we save it for a fancier occasion-say, Parents Night at our kid’s school? When we get home at the end of a long day, do we take our bra off first or our artificial vagina? Do our bra and artificial vagina need to match? Will we find ourselves asking “Does my artificial vagina make my vagina look fat?”

We’re guessing wearing one of these puppies would distract from the bags under our eyes from middle of the night feedings. Of course, you could just save your money and wait for Mother Nature to run its course. Vaginas sag like every other body part, especially if you’ve had children (cough, so I’ve heard). A friend of mine asked her gynecologist at her last annual why her hot pocket looks different than it did in her twenties. She said it took her doctor ten minutes to stop laughing. You know the ‘saying loose lips sink ships’? Get a group of moms in their 40’s together and we could sink the Titanic.

And who needs flash backs to their post-birth vag? It would have been helpful to know the size of your love muffin can increase to four times its original size after you give birth. I remember my mom helping me into the shower 36 hours post-delivery. It went a little something like this:

Hospital gown peeling off, her eyes darting immediately to my lady bits, gasping.

Me: What?

Her: Oh my god.

Me: What? What?

Her: Oh my god.

Me: (Trying desperately to move my distended belly to one side to see what all the fuss was about).

Me: Ohmyfuckinggodwhatthefuck.

Her: Should I get the doctor? I don’t remember this being a problem when you were born.

Me: That’s super helpful.

Her: …

Me: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

I could go on but you get the drift. Thanks artificial vagina maker, I don’t need the reminder.

If these lip plumpers aren’t for you, there are also products that are made to prevent camel toe. One such product, called Cuchini, has the slogan: “Our lips are sealed.”

The possibilities really are endless.