Mom's Hilarious Fantasy Football Rant Will Make You Want Your Own 'Pretend Dream Team'

by Cassandra Stone
Image via Facebook/CareyReilly

Fantasy Football may be fake, but the struggle for wives is real

Fantasy Football is a helluva drug. It’s like the mistress in millions of marriages across the United States every fall. No one gets this better than Carey Reilly, a mom, wife, talk show host, and the blogger behind Not So Skinny Mom. Reilly recently took to her Facebook page to lament her own husband’s Fantasy Football addiction.

Her hilariously animated video absolutely nails the absurdity that is Fantasy Football.

“I’ve been noticing that my husband is very distracted lately,” she begins. She says her husband was at their son’s soccer game with his laptop open, his phone on, and completely absorbed in the “fantasy” of it all and missing out on major family time.

Raise your hand if the “boop beep boop” alert sound from the ESPN app makes you feel like a wife version of Pavlov’s Dogs Of Rage. Just how many injured NFL players are there every week? Do we really need to “change our lineup” at the dinner table?

“He’s creating a pretend dream team,” Reilly huffs. “I thought I was my husband’s fantasy.”

LOL. Love her.

“Fantasy football is, like, a Dungeons and Dragons for men,” she says in the video. So what can we do about it? Well, for starters, why don’t we discuss our version of Fantasy Football? Not that women can’t like Fantasy Football for what it is, because plenty of us (ahem, begrudgingly, I’ll admit) are involved in our own leagues and have our own teams.

But Reilly might be onto something with her idea.

“Do you know what my drafted Fantasy team would look like?” she asks. “A cleaning lady. No, let’s have two cleaning ladies. THIS IS A FANTASY TEAM.”

Also on Reilly’s team? A chef, a tutor for the children, a driver, two nannies, and someone to fold her clothes. “I would pay to have someone fold my clothes. But I’m not paying. Because it’s fantasy.

Oh hell yes. My quality of life would be exponentially better if someone would just fold and put away my damn clothes. I’ll take that over the nation’s best wide receiver any day of the week.

Reilly’s advice for men who are sucked into the black hole of Fantasy Football until January? Don’t forget to do your share. Wash your clothes, make some lunches for the kids, etc.

“You want to know what’s hot? Vacuuming,” she says. “Vacuuming will get you weeks worth of fantasy football.”

Reilly tells Scary Mommy that her husband thought her video was funny. “He still refuses to disclose exactly how many leagues he’s in and how much he’s spent on this season’s Fantasy Football,” she says. “He did say that my fantasy team with a cleaning lady sounded more ‘fake’ than his.”

Hmm. Agree to disagree.