Fat Bottomed Girls

by Galit Breen
Originally Published: 

I love Glee. Don’t you?

I can look past Sam not returning this Fall and Mike Chan becoming a regular when I already thought he was one. I can even let go of the No-New-Episodes-Until-Fall debacle and say it out loud. And proud.

I love Glee.

In fact, our car is a Glee Only zone.

No more Raffi for this family. Nope. We’re all Firework. And Baby. And Thriller. And most days, I couldn’t be happier about this.

Except for this one morning.

We were singing our way to school {My first mistake} when I heard Chloe call, What song is this?

Fat Bottomed Girls. Kayli responded, ever informative.

I felt a twinge of discomfort. Lauren said the song hurt her feelings when Puck sang it to her. So what did that mean about me? And my kids? Were we mean? Cruel? Insensitive clods?

Crap. Insensitive clod is so not what I was going for.

I glanced back to check- Were my daughters suddenly mean girls chomping at the bit to tease someone about their fat bottom? Were they insecure about their own bottoms?

What about my two year old son? Was he on the verge of becoming a complete jerk? One of those guys who only goes for skinny girls? Ones without fat bottoms like his Mama?!

You’ll be happy to know that I sighed in relief- they were none of these things. What they were- was LOUD.

What did you say? Chloe asked.

Fat Bottomed Girls! Kayli said, her voice rising just a titch.

Oh! Fat Bottomed Girls! I love this one! Chloe responded, her joy palpable.

Me, too! Fat Bottomed Girls! Brody chimed in, smile wide, ready to belt out the prolific lyrics with his sisters.

I flushed a little at all of those fats and bottoms being thrown around. But oh well, at least it’s just us. I thought {My second mistake}.

We walked into Chloe’s preschool and smiled sweetly at the receptionist when she greeted each one of my children {aka: The Blowhorns} by name.

We were listening to Fat Bottomed Girls! Brody announced.

What? She asked -tentative, unsure, unaware- of the crazy that is my family.

Fat Bottomed Girls! Kayli and Chloe chimed in. Loudly. In unison. And with the happiest of nods.

It’s Chloe’s favorite. Kayli added. You know, for good measure.

It’s Glee music. I stammered, attempting to explain {My third mistake.}.

Yes! Brody yelled helpfully. Glee! Before he started singing, Fat Bottomed Girls you make the rockin world go round!

Right. Of course he did. What else do you do in a school lobby?

Fat Bottomed Girls you make the rockin world go round!

At which point I ushered Chloe into her classroom, rushed the other two out the door and into the safety of the van. Where I could listen to my offensive lyrics in privacy.

Exactly how they were meant to be enjoyed.

So hi, I’m Galit. Mama of three. Advocate for Glee. And Fat Bottomed Girls.

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