10 Reasons Fathers CAN Be Referred to as Babysitters

Many women’s claws come out and they assume their ass-kickin’ Matrix stance when they hear some gal say her husband is babysitting.

BABYSITTING?!!!!

This man is a father – his children’s legal guardian for flip’s sake.  He. Is. Not. Babysitting.

True dat.  But a lot of the time, it feels like he might as well be.

Here’s why:

1. It’s a business arrangement.  You might not have to stick some Jacksons in his waistband, but you’ll pay.  Whether it’s a night out with the guys, keeping your yap shut when he ignores the dirty dishes (again!) or some major baum-chicka-wow-wow time, you owe him for his services.

2. You feel like you’re overindulging.  Given the pay arrangement outlined above you’ve got to ask yourself, “Can I really afford this?

3. They are only fully employed when you aren’t there or are on your deathbed. Literally on your deathbed.  If you are home and not lying in bed with several broken bones and oozing sores someone’s going to ask you to do something.

4. You leave a ton of instructions.  You want to make their life easier by making sure they know the schedule, the rules, and things like So-and-so likes her hot-dogs peeled and cut into ½ inch think semicircles.

5. The fear factor.  While you’re gone you envision everything from an army of first responders being dispatched to your doorstep to the kitchen floor carpeted in Doritos.

6. You lay down the law regarding TV, Internet and phone use.  Because some people need reminding that watching a game or surfing the web for hours on end while the kids do God-knows-what is not the best childcare method.

7. Due to unfamiliarity with the house, you put things out where they can’t be missed.  A box of diapers on the kitchen counter seems like overkill. But. . . if someone doesn’t know where you keep fresh tubes of toothpaste should you really leave such matters to chance?

8. Your kids will have a great time doing shit you’d never let them get away with.  Goldfish and fruit snacks for dinner. Playing dress up with Mommy’s keep-your-grubby-hands-off new outfit.  Going to bed two hours late on a school night.  Yes. Yes. And (Dude it’s an effing school night?!) yes.

9. If they clean up and do some laundry you do a happy dance. You didn’t think this was in the job description, so, woo-hoo, this is going above and beyond expectation.

10. Somehow, even when things go not exactly as you’d have liked, everything is fine when you get home. 

If you are one of those women whose husbands totally kill it in taking an equal if not greater share of the housework/childcare load, then shut the front door, and know we envy you.

Make your hubs give Daddy lessons to the rest of our dudes, who dance between being an extra child and a full-fledged partner.

So yeah, technically no father should be called the babysitter.

But if the title fits, go make him a t-shirt.

About the writer

A former dancer and current modern dance teacher, Keesha is the human cyclone behind the blog Mom’s New Stage.  A multitasker at heart, she shows mad skills at simultaneously writing, choreographing, checking Facebook and Pinterest updates, playing the role of a mother named Joan “Kumbaya” Crawford, and overcooking food.

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First Time Mommy 3 days ago

This is actually pretty true in my life. He thinks because he works then that’s all he has to do. The thing is, he worked before I was ever in his life, he worked before his baby was ever born, and he’ll keep working when we leave. His life didn’t change, it didn’t alter, and he hasn’t made even fundamental changes to fit us into his life. What he DID do was spend his time cheating and finding other women to talk to and was even there for some pregnant woman he didn’t know very well. He was a jerk my entire pregnancy and even during the birth. Today when his child was too loud and I was working on school work trying to finish my degree, he comes stroming out of the bedroom telling me to keep it down so he can sleep. And I quote, “I’ll watch him for you after noon but I need more than a few hours of sleep!” Watch him FOR me? Freaking kidding me?! The only difference in us being together right now and not is that he lives here and pays the bills. Otherwise it’d be him not living here and paying child support. These men exist and therapy doesn’t help, just gave him more excuses for being how he is. You’re NOT babysitting, you’re NOT doing us a favor, we do NOT owe you anything for your services- for those like this step the heck up and be a man! Be a dad! You wanna be with another woman, then let the one you’re with go first before shopping online.

Peter 3 months ago

When I read the headline I was initially displeased but as I read it and some of the comments I started to feel bad for some of these women. I really hope this is written in jest because if not it is really sad. A man using parenting time to try and get something out of it is kind of disgusting. The idea of being with a spouse that can’t handle basic partner duties is pretty sad and some of these are manipulative and some might even be abusive. The idea that a man doesn’t respect his wife enough to keep the kids out of her closet and doesn’t care enough about his children to let them stay up late on a school night is wrong. And I feel bad for any woman that feels she can’t go out because the house will be destroyed or the children will not be taken care of. I suggest some serious counseling for the family if that is the case.

If this is written in jest, then the headline is disrespectful and this kind of thing hurts the perception of men as parents and why some don’t try that hard. In the overcontrolling thing, maybe that is why he doesn’t try because he knows he is going to be told he did it wrong. Counseling might reveal if he doesn’t try because of abuse from his wife.

As for me, my wife can leave for weeks and know everything will be fine when she gets back. If anything, she is the one that needs to be reminded to clean up after she makes a mess in the kitchen. I do most of the cooking and always clean up after myself.

One reason why this rings so true with me is because when I know how dads are not respected as parents. I was a stay home dad when my daughter was a baby. I met friends for lunch once and a nice old lady came up to me and said it was nice to babysit so my wife could have some time alone. It was 1:00 on a Tuesday, I was wearing sweats and hadn’t shaved in four days. What kind of job did she think I did? I was the primary parent. Things like this continue that idea that dads babysit while women parent. I hope it was a joke, if not, seek counseling because that is a messed up relationship.

awed 3 months ago

Thank you for this. It is a rare day that I ever comment on an article, but I am grateful for this post. I didn’t realize how much the recent huff post article rubbed me the wrong way until I read your work. I needed to see this: thanks!

Anthony 3 months ago

TV Land. Fathers out here in real life, and men in general do just fine taking care of our business, household, and family.

Leila 3 months ago

AMEN!

Leila 3 months ago

Uhhh… Ok, this is just sad. Not trying to be a “dick” but I’m truly confused by #1, is your hubby the only one who enjoys sex? And If you view your whole marriage, sex or allowing him to leave the house as “payment” for him watching the kids, i’d question the relationship.

But the ultimate point is that just because he has a different style of parenting than you doesn’t mean he is not a parent (which is what is implied when you refer to him as a sitter) If one of your other mommy friend parents her kids differently than you, and you prefer your own method, is she merely “Babysitting” her own kids? Are you their real mommy because you did a load of her dishes when you came over to help out?

Rick 3 months ago

Replace “Dads” with “Blacks”, or ” Gays”, or whatever stereotyped, marginalizing/othering term you prefer and then take a read.

Lindsay 3 months ago

I’m a SAHM and I don’t feel like this at all! I trust my husband 100% to parent his kids when I’m not there. Does he do it exactly like me? No. But he does it his way and it’s perfectly fine. Also, I might add, that it comes down to consistent parenting and communication, as well. We both know our expectations for our kids and for each other in regards to parenting. We are on the same page. So whether I’m home with them or he is, the kids are getting consistently cared for without any major discrepancies. I get that many couples aren’t on the same page like us, but maybe that’s the bigger issue. Unhealthy relationships often do not provide consistent parenting.

Lindsay 3 months ago

Wow. I think it’s horrible that you think so poorly of your husband, and because of that low opinion, feel the need to classify all men as the same. My husband, as well as the majority of other men I know, are the exact opposite of your extremely stereotyped list. It’s not that rare for a guy to be a good dad. I’m a SAHM. My husband is the breadwinner. Yet, he still has no problem at all helping with chores if he sees I didn’t get to something. On weekends, he cooks breakfast for the entire family both days and does the dishes. Today, I stayed holed up in my room all day and not once did anyone interrupt me. He wasn’t babysitting them. He was being a good dad and enjoying time with his kids. And I don’t owe him anything for doing so. I don’t have to pay him in any form if I go out for a girls night and he stays home. I don’t expect to come home to a messy house or that my kids will be up past bedtime or eating junk or that I’ll have to put out because he got stuck at home with them. The entire notion of that is insane to me. My husband lives in our home too and knows where everything is. They are his kids too so he knows their food preferences. He spends one on one time with our kids usually every day, even if that just means playing a game or going to the store together or throwing a baseball for 15 minutes or just having a conversation. While he does rely on me to make doctor appointments and pay bills and other administrative tasks, he is quite capable of doing all of that himself if he needed to, as well as everything else that I do equally well, if not better in some instances. How sad it must be to be married to a man who 1) you think so little of that you don’t trust him to parent his own kids without your instruction, or 2) genuinely is not able to parent his own kids without your instruction. My husband drives me crazy and we often disagree, but he is a great dad to our kids. And he is not the exception to any rule. I can think of at least 10 other dads off the top of my head who are equally involved in their kid’s lives in the same capacity that my husband is. So, no, my husband does not “babysit” his own kids. We both parent them, together, equally, and neither of us are “better” at it than the other.

QS 3 months ago

You’re a dumb cunt. I realize you’re just being a troll because shock value is the only way you can get readers, but… you’re still a dumb, inflammatory cunt.

Julie 3 months ago

Totally agree. When I leave, I kiss my kids goodbye and hug the husband. That’s it. I know they will be fed, bathed, homework done, etc… I may get an occasional text from a iPod complaining that he is mean, usually because he had the audacity to suggest they clean or go outside. I would flip my lid if he acted like an incompetent buffoon or like I owed him some big favor for parenting his kids.

Proud Father of 3 3 months ago

Wow… clearly whomever wrote this article and relates to it. Cannot obtain a good man and blaming your troubles on someone else. Next time find a man who’ll be a great partner instead of bitch on how you’d call your child’s father a baby sitter. Unless you want people calling you a breeder, I’d suggest you figure out how you work together. Smh i cannot with this article.

Joahua 3 months ago

This list is horrific. I know it is true in some if not many cases, but some of us step up and are fathers in our homes. My wife dislikes my clean, not because it isn’t clean (my cleaning tends to be more thorough) but it’s not “her” clean. Things are not in “her” place. My children are well taken care of and we do some different things (even some she cringes at) because as a father I connect to my children in a different way. We eat things she doesn’t like when she is gone, because SHE doesn’t like them. We are accommodating her when she is there. It’s not bear and pizza, it’s Chinese because she can’t handle MSG. We are up late because we are enjoying ourselves and I step up in the morning to make sure any crankiness is squashed because we chose to be up late. And she owes me nothing for going out. I often tell her to enjoy a night out. If I enjoy some end of night activities it is because she is relaxed and has enjoyed the night…. Some of us are good prividers and mediocre fathers, but others want to have a positive impact on our family and that means kicking “mom” out every now and then.

Cody Strickland 3 months ago

Perhaps this person should take more care in deciding who to procreate with.

Mike 3 months ago

this blog is insulting to the fathers who are responsible and able to provide equal care to that of a mother! Shame on you!

Michaela 3 months ago

When I leave my kids with their father I come home to my house trashed and him passed out on the couch while my 5 year old is going crazy and eating all the junk food in the house and my 8 month old is either in her swing crying or on the floor hidden inside of the mess of toys. So I get very overbearing and most of the time call every half hour, some men are children themselves and should never be left alone with small kids

Kevin K 3 months ago

This article is just crap, and not even funny crap, just crap. The majority of fathers that I know are more than capable of handling the items you listed above. It’s not the dad’s behavior but many times it is the mom’s that are over bearing control freaks who need fathers to parent in their wife’s style and not their own. I do not babysit my son, I spend time with him and we usually have fun. I do it my way, I dont need lists, or reminders. My way may not be the exact same way as my wife’s. And that is ok. However, we are on the same page with behavior, expectations, discipline, etc.

For those women who have husbands who fall into that list, they do not have to parent the same exact way you do. Let them breathe, and don’t fall into the stereotype that they are idiots because they do not do it your way. Communicate on what is important.

JmK. 3 months ago

How do you get Daddy to babysit more often. I really need him to babysit more than just 15 minutes once a week or 2 so I can shower.

lisa 4 months ago

I think it’s meant to be like venting. I can tell you if numerous times that I’ve heard friends say their husbands were babysitting. unless you are one of the few women in this world that has a husband that carries this load or even when he does carry the load bit you have had a rough day sometimes this is how it feels when you walk out the door. Especially for a stay at home mom whose entire world revolves around caring for the tiny people in our lives. We begin to feel like nobody does things exactly the way we do so everytime we walk out the door we criticize ourselves for leaving them with someone who will do everything differently. If you can look at the hour in this and how in one short story she just describe the fears and questions off most women when they leave their child in their spouses care it call have the same emotional impact as having a babysitter so yes or is comparable

lisa 4 months ago

I have spent long arduous hours “training” my other half to do things my way but do tothe that my son has disabilities and behavior issues that go along with it iI am still in fear of leaving the house because when my son gets going it’s like iI have two toddlers fighting it out. iI have gotten to the point that he cooks loads the dishwasher and does laundry but above that he mainly supervised the kids doing the other chores and I still have to redo them when I get home because nobody ever cleaned the way mom does. He used to text or call every five minutes when I left but he’s learned that unless the house is on fire the kids need to go to the hospital or he’s literally being held hostage I’m not coming home before I’m ready. He’s a great dad but learning all over again because his older children were raised in a different time and did not have any of the disabilities that our younger children face so each day is filled with new challenges.

Honey bear 4 months ago

This! A thousand times, this! Seriously, Dads don’t want to be involved because Momzilla won’t let him do anything if it isn’t exactly how she’d do it. Which is usually overly rigid and unyielding.

Jacqueline 5 months ago

OMG it’s like I coulda wrote this myself!! Sooooo trueeeee!!!

Matt 7 months ago

I find this attitude towards men offensive. I also think this mentality is a big contributor to the problem of fatherlessness and other aspects of the male problem in our culture.

Deborah 7 months ago

Am I missing something? How is this a respectful response to and honest comment? Or is it just that I don’t get your humour?

Deborah 7 months ago

My husband was deeply insulted by this article, and I understand why. I am trying to find a way to express my thoughts that won’t lead to an avalanche of nasty responses. Is my husband perfect? No. Am I? No. TBH if I was in a relationship like the one described above I would have left a long time ago. But that is me and who am I to judge how others live their lives or what circumstances keep them in possibly unhealthy circumstances? I have the financial ability to leave at any time and not everyone can say that. You say this is down to over-anxious mothers and that leaves me confused as to what you are trying to teach people here. Is the lesson that men cannot be expected to be able to parent as we can or is it that we women cannot see past our raging hormones? Either way I did not find this article entertaining or educational. If you think your feelings regarding your husband’s ability to care for your children is due to anxiety then should you not be reaching out to other women facing the same issue rather than trivializing it? As someone who dealt with postpartum depression I cannot imagine how I would have handled being so publicly outed for my very unfair treatment of my husband during those difficult months. There was no question about his ability. He did not do things as I did but he did them beautifully at a time when I was what this article would deem a “second child” for my husband to care for. Perhaps you were going for light-hearted female bonding here. I cannot really tell. My husband asked me a question that I admit was more than fair. If this article had been posted on a male-dominated site with the gender roles reversed would it be considered funny, or sexist? I am prepared for the tsunami of disagreement this post will receive but I refuse to jump on this bandwagon. If you can, fix it, if you can’t accept it or leave it but writing an article like this offers nothing positive.

anon 3 years ago

“So-and-so likes her hot-dogs peeled and cut into ½ inch think semicircles.”

Maybe you shouldn’t raise your kid to be needy. Does it really make your husband a bad man if he doesn’t cater to your child’s every request? I’d say he’s probably doing a better job raising her to survive the real world. Her boss isn’t going to care if she likes her work day split into 4 hour segments and coated with jellybeans.

Speaking of bosses, do you have one? Probably not, since you’re at home raising your baby all day. He could argue that you get to sit on a sofa and play with a baby all day while he pays your mortgage, and stocks your kitchen.

Momma Jorje 3 years ago

A-fricking-men.

Renita 3 years ago

Ha! Well said! I couldn’t agree more. I leave my son with my husband every Thursday night when I go out to yoga and expect a sink full of dirty dishes, the good night bottle by the rocker, and general disarray. But he does a good job and I’m thankful. We just have to remember that they are not us and don’t do things like us, or as good as us! 😉

Brittnee 3 years ago

My husband is an AWESOME dad, but that being said, when I was in the hospital after having my 3rd baby, hubby was home with the older 2… When I got home (after only being in the hospital 25 hrs) I asked what the kids ate, I got a, “ummmm…. well, they had those brownies you made for breakfast and lunch, and I grabbed some McD’s for dinner!” HA! I’m glad they had fun and the house was clean-ish so no one was killed when I got home!!! :) :)

Rachel 3 years ago

Awesome. Exactly EXACTLY what I have to deal with. Thanks for adding some humor to a situation that normally makes me cry.

DizzyMamaLizzy 3 years ago

this is the BEST thing I have read all day. My brother is an expectant dad and I have had to have him watch my daughter on occasion recently. When I came home from work, he informed me that he changed the first poopy diaper he had changed in 20 years on my little girl. It was one of “those” that went up and all around, and she had taken off the diaper herself in her crib. hahahaha

Lissy22 3 years ago

This is a hilarious list. It peaked my interest cause the other day, I asked my sister-in-law if she was bringing the kids shopping, and she responded, “Nope, my husband is babysitting.”
What sort of father babysits? Seriously? Thank GOD her little brother (my husband) knows how this fatherhood things works.

Kathleen 3 years ago

The various comments on “babysitting” dads are very funny and made me chuckle. I can’t help but think that dads have made great progress over the years as I recall the first time I left my eldest daughter with my father to babysit. It was 1975 and when I returned from my night out I discovered my father had sewed my daughter’s diaper on as he couldn’t figure out how to use the sticky tabs. I wouldn’t have minded only he used black thread (he couldn’t find the white thread). The bigger surprise was when he informed me that it was the first time he had changed a diaper. Believe it or not I was the baby of the family and his tenth child. So there is hope for the future generation of dads.

DizzyMamaLizzy 3 years ago

Lighten up ladies, read it with the lighthearted humor with which it was written. I am totally with you Scary Mommy!! And I love my babysitter husband!!

Jaime 3 years ago

But my husband is wonderful!

Jaime 3 years ago

I am so sad to say this, but my dad is one of these dads!! I lived with my dad’s family for a year while my husband was deployed to Iraq. Once (once!), I asked him to watch my 1 1/2 year old in the yard while I showered. A half hour later I found my dad asleep in a chair and my child no where! The next door neighbor apparently watched him fall asleep and took my kid inside with her same age kids. What!! It is sad, but it is kinda funny….when it’s not your kid!

Kylie 3 years ago

I’m sure there are many things about you that are great for your partner, especially when he finds your keys.

Keesha 3 years ago

To tell you the truth, this is not all about my husband. Some of it is about how I perceive things at home and some is based on conversations with other moms. My husband is fantastic with the kids and does help, but as I said to someone else, he is NOT the COO — that’s my role. I am a bit of a worrier and a control freak to put it mildly. We definitely balance each other out in many ways. Hubs does a lot of other things – the big major projects, for example, and if he weren’t in control of our finances we’d be living in a van down by the river, to quote the late Mr. Farley. Anyway, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment, and hope you’ll keep reading!

Keesha 3 years ago

Thanks Kylie! And btw, there’ll be a reward for you…

Keesha 3 years ago

I have definitely heard of cases like yours. Change the title we’re set to go!

Keesha 3 years ago

Yes, yes, yes, Melanie! Thank you for getting that so much of it is perception not reality. Although there definitely is some reality 😉

Keesha 3 years ago

Yay! Love hearing stories like yours. And I think most of us (I won’t say all) can find things that Hubs does better. A lot of this post is about the worry that goes on in a mom’s head about leaving – whether it’s justified or not…

Keesha 3 years ago

Yes, totally tongue-in-cheek. And even when this applies – every single one – a guy can be a great Dad. I’m that mom who worries a lot, and invents problems when there are none. Hope that came through too. I’m not perfect either – go see the response to this post (as suggested by a commenter above). http://www.momsnewstage.com/2013/01/10-things-about-me-that-suck-for-my.html

Nikkers 3 years ago

Ha! This post was hilarious but it also made me shake my head a bit. For you and your husband. Although you seem to balance each other very well. You need both yin and yang to make it work! I am blessed with an excellent stepfather for our children! No guilt, no paybacks, he knows where everything is because I am the messy one, and he always does housework. But I also don’t care about schedules unless the girls have ballet class. I do leave instructions sometimes though. This post was very funny though. Kudos!

Jack 3 years ago

I know this is tongue in cheek but I still laugh at women who think that they have been given magical parenting skills that men don’t have.

Heather 3 years ago

I am so thankful, (also blessed) to have a husband who does take care of the kids, along with the house on a regular basis. However, there were a few minor things he needed training on.. all is smooth for now.

Rebecca M 3 years ago

LOL — that’s what my husband does when he’s trying to go somewhere! I often have to remind him that I’m perfectly capable of doing all that too. I enjoy him wanting to go the extra mile, but not when it stresses him out to the point of ridiculousness 😛

Rebecca M 3 years ago

I’ve tried talking mine into giving lessons, but he’s too busy and says most of them won’t listen anyway ;). I was also married to a man like the one described above…for five miserable years. That was when I finally realized that he was going to stay a little boy (and also when he found a girlfriend who didn’t expect him to act like a man), so I went and found a really good man. He’s a chef, he takes out the garbage, he does the dishes, he brings me coffee in the morning after getting up with the baby, AND he packs the diaper bag better than I do. Three kids, and he has going to the store down to a science ;).

Nina 3 years ago

Ha! I love it!

Ben 3 years ago

All great points. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done. The poor bastard in the article is probably grinding his teeth and counting the days until his kids are old enough to deal with a divorce.

@bobbyblanco1 3 years ago

Maybe “mommy” shouldn’t be sleeping with “the babysitter” then maybe he’ll become her man & the daddy insteada “that dude” hey guys its time to man up. I hate hearing a chick say oh my man the baby’s daddy is babysitting, fuck that I’m home loving my sons having a blast while mommy is out working shopping running errands can’t remember the last time I babysat maybe my nefu when I was in junior high school. Takes a man to be a daddy any sperm donor can be a father

Melanie W 3 years ago

Well ladies to tell the truth this is how I FEEL when he is ‘babysitting’ more so than how it goes down. My hubs is awesome! He DOES fold laundry, give baths, do dishes, make meals, vaccum-all because he knows how much sitting at the computer means to me!! LMAO (it’s true!)

TheHeadacheslayer 3 years ago

Right there with you Amber! If a father doesn’t know how to take care of his own kids….that’s really sad. Heck my husband could give complete tutorials on cloth diapers 😉 If I could clone him…I’d be richer than Oprah 😉

Scott 3 years ago

I understand this may be true in many cases but I just want to say it isn’t always true by any means!! My wife and I have four kids ages 6,5,3,&2 and there isn’t an item on that list that’s even close to factual in our house! If anything, they apply to her before me.

Kylie 3 years ago

Hi Keesha!
I just wandered onto the Scary Mommy website for the very first time and happened to read your post. Another good one!

I still haven’t been able to find your keys.

Keesha 3 years ago

Enjoying the time with the kids. And in that way I could take a lesson from him I guess… Thanks for commenting, friend!

Keesha 3 years ago

It is true! As I said to another commenter, it isn’t all about clueless dad it’s about control freak mom! I make myself late and worried for no reason as well! Thanks for the great comment!

Keesha 3 years ago

Ditto for me, JD! I stopped with the instructions though because I would become late for wherever I had to go, and as I said everything was always great when I got home!

Keesha 3 years ago

It is always a navigation process between giving the partner who does other work besides childcare a break and giving yourself a break because he’s around. I struggle with this too.

Keesha 3 years ago

I hear you, from one micromanaging college class of ’93 woman to another.

Keesha 3 years ago

Amen, sister! Up on a soapbox is an inane place to read mom blogs.

Keesha 3 years ago

Thank you, Scary Mommy for having your guest bloggers’ backs. Fantastic!

Keesha 3 years ago

We all know men like this – who are the laziest, most inept examples of fatherhood. We also know men, who really are great fathers, but are not the COO of the house. They are the fun, more relaxed, go with the flow parent. And I will admit, as a mom, I am far from perfect, but I can be a control freak and a worrywart. I hope that came across too. Thank you for your thoughtful post, and I wish you the best in your quest to rewrite the image of dads and to be a great dad for your children.

Keesha 3 years ago

Thank you House TalkN. You rock.

Keesha 3 years ago

But what a horrible story! My hubs really is great too, and a lot of this is true for him as well. This isn’t about a bad dad, (and it’s exaggerated for humor purposes obviously) but about extremely different approaches to everything domestic. Thanks for leaving a great comment!

Keesha 3 years ago

Hi Beta Dad, unfortunately you are right. But to be fair, this isn’t one guy, it’s a composite of things I’ve heard as well as experienced. Also, I hope you see that some of it is poking fun at overzealous mommies (not that I know anything about that:-).

Keesha 3 years ago

I’m smiling big right now. Would love a nationwide poll on stuff like this…

Keesha 3 years ago

You and me both.

Keesha 3 years ago

Thanks so much, Bethany! Thankfully people are finding this post FUNNY!

Keesha 3 years ago

I think we need to draw home supply diagrams. Sometimes I wish I could be the more relaxed parent, but then I shudder to think about how things would go down. #LifeInABarn

Keesha 3 years ago

I hope you have family close by!

Keesha 3 years ago

That must be nice when the kids are less dependent and can do more for themselves. Even great Dads can give a mom a little anxiety – it goes with the territory!

Keesha 3 years ago

The things they forget, right? Hello, schedule? There should be an app for that!

Keesha 3 years ago

Thanks so much, Nic! Love husbands who can laugh at themselves – they are GOLD!

Keesha 3 years ago

I totally agree Megan. It’s not babysitting – it just smells that way sometimes…

Keesha 3 years ago

Thanks much, A of A!

Gina 3 years ago

Though my husband is extremely helpful and supportive, offers me time to myself to get out with no strings attached, I still find myself doing a few of these things (reminding him that someone needs to go to bed early, etc.) But I think you nailed this in a comment – it’s ALL about my need to control things, and his amazing ability to just enjoy the moment, clock be damned!

Arnebya 3 years ago

Keesha, I’m giggling but still rolling my eyes. It’s just the word and its connotation I hate but IT’S STILL TRUE. I will make myself late for things trying to limit his need to do anything (making dinner before I go, for instance) but he is fully capable of performing as a father and I’m not worried when the kids are with him or anything. IT’S ME more than his inability. (Whispering: “Um, how many damn Fig Newtons did you let him have? The babysitter knows better.)

JD Bailey @ Honest Mom 3 years ago

Hysterical and so true. My Hubs is an awesome guy and father. But I still basically feel this way when he’s with the kids w/out me!

Jen o 3 years ago

Yep. There are coworkers who think I have two kids. SWORE I did in fact. I don’t. Just one preschooler and one that acts like a teenager, on his good days.

Elizabeth 3 years ago

My husband genuinely does co-parent and does his share of the household chores, but I wanted to share what it was like when we were renovating our house. My husband did a ton of the work, so he was exhausted all the time, which meant I rarely got a break from the (infant and toddler) kids. Every once in a while he would take them, but his way of “playing” with them was to lie in the middle of the floor with his eyes closed and expect them to entertain themselves in his general vicinity. When we had A Talk about why the kids tended to misbehave when he did this, he was actually surprised! To be fair, he was really, really, really tired.

Me 3 years ago

Keesha: Well I am not neurotic and if you have to ask a father of his own children to get them to bed on a school night? -well, I dont think that’s neurotic. And when you’re living it everyday, it isnt humorous. but the article is great – very entertaining and well done!

Me 3 years ago

I wish i wasn’t in a position to have to treat my hubby like a child himself and ask for the simplest things like making sure the house doesn’t turn into a hurricane, or to try not to leave our daughter in front of the TV for hours on end. but i will admit he is learning.

Scary Mommy 3 years ago

The basics? Some of the first posts I wrote poked fun at my husband. This is hardly something new and it’s hardly meant to get people all high and mighty. Lighten up, please, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Mary 3 years ago

She didn’t write it. It’s a guest writer.

jetts31 3 years ago

Its was a good read from the fact that I was engaged immediately. I think I may have overreacted initially about it too. There are certainly enough parents out there who embody ineptitude and some who can go overboard too. Cheers.

Keesha 3 years ago

Good advice, Crystal! That is something for the Mommy Survival Kit. Thank you for commenting!

Keesha 3 years ago

I love that your kids ask that! That is too funny. Thanks for commenting, Kathy!

Keesha 3 years ago

Dad is the fun parent…kills me everytime :-)

Keesha 3 years ago

This is why I love you, Toulouse, because you totally get that a guy can be a great dad and still match up to this list point for point.

Keesha 3 years ago

Girl, my husband doesn’t know I wrote this, or I’d be in a hotel tonight.

Keesha 3 years ago

I hear ya! always feel just a tad guilty when he watches them all day – like I played hooky or something. What’s up with that?!

Keesha 3 years ago

Thanks for seeing the funny in this! Yay!

Keesha 3 years ago

Robyn, how bout a national Mom’s Night Out? Oh would I love to see that!

Keesha 3 years ago

And having to ask sucks, doesn’t it? And how many “talks” can you have? I hope you can get your message across, Shannon!

Keesha 3 years ago

I agree completely Andie. I know it can be a hard call between cutting your husband some slack over the weekend and feeling abandoned. Thank you for the great comment!

Keesha Beckford 3 years ago

Thanks for commenting. Some of it is genuine ineptitude, but some of the problem is the Controlfreakitis and IWD (Intense Worry Disease) that affects so many moms. That and two different styles of parenting — one more “relaxed” and one more “hands on” and there you have it…

Keesha Beckford 3 years ago

The ol’ moms-in-charge-and-I-step-in-when-she’s-gone routine…A dance so many unfortunately know so well. Sigh.

Keesha Beckford 3 years ago

You are so right! I hope no one meets all points, or at least 1-9, on this made-for-belly-laughs list!

Keesha Beckford 3 years ago

Nilzed — you totally get where I’m coming from. My husband is a great dad, despite what folks may infer from this post. It’s just that I am super neurotic and he is more relaxed. Recognizing this stylistic difference (and being able to laugh at it) is a great thing! Thank you!

Keesha Beckford 3 years ago

I hear ya, leaving can cause serious emotional angst can’t it? But I hope it all winds up like #10, doesn’t it? Fingers crossed!

Leah 3 years ago

My kids are grown now, but I remember those days. Coming home to find my 4 month old lying on his chest, both of them asleep was a cute picture until later that night, trying to get that 4 month old to sleep after her 5 hour nap. And don’t forget the inevitable question, “when will you be home?” Then, later, when you get home, “I didn’t think you would be gone that long”.

Jessica Smock 3 years ago

Yes, unfortunately this is true for me too. But it’s completely my issue, not his. I realize my son would be fine if I didn’t micromanage, but I can’t stop… As a teenager and college student, during the super-PC 1990s, my young feminist self would give lectures about the gendered division of household labor, etc. But, now, whatever. I don’t care if I’m oppressed by patriarchy; chances are, I’m pretty sure that I can do [anything child-related] better.

Sandy 3 years ago

Yikes…I totally agree. If my husband was another kid, I’d be long gone.

Jen at PIWTPITT.com 3 years ago

Funniest list I’ve read in a while and anyone who finds this list insulting towards their husbands/men has absolutely no sense of humor and that insults me, but you won’t see me stalking off in a ridiculous, childish huff. It’s a joke. It’s meant to make you chuckle, not get indignant and high and mighty.

HouseTalkN 3 years ago

You win! I’m sending you a cookie right now!

Kerri 3 years ago

Way.

I’ve been thinking about breaking up with this site for a while…too self-congratulatory, WAAAY to much repeat-tweeting the same freaking link 12 times…but this is the straw.

Cait said almost exactly what I wanted to: “This is incredibly insulting to men. If we treat them like this, no wonder they act like children. My husband is a SAHD and a dang good one at that. And being the working mother, I don’t get instructions either when I am home. We are equal partners and manage the household together.”

My husband isn’t a SAHD, and I’m not a SAHM. We both work full-time and parent full-time and take care of the household together, as equals. He can make dinner, enforce rules, do chores, and find things. Amazing! Do you really think your husband is incapable of finding the diapers??? Talk about enabling behavior.

Sorry, SM, this did me in. Officially unfollowing on Twitter and taking you out of my feed. I hope you get back to your basics someday — those were awesome. This new sh*t is not.

Keesha 3 years ago

Thanks! No one is better at self-deprecation than I am. I am so on it!

Chad Miller 3 years ago

These are the kinds of posts that make me realize I have an uphill battle. It’s frustrating to read this, but I know just how true it is. I’m surrounded by husbands and fathers that behave as if it takes one parent to raise a family… sorry dude, you can’t lead the family when you’re un-involved.
It’s this exact reason I’ll be launching my new site soon to ReWrite the image of Dads. There are many of us Dads out there that carry our fair share, and love to interact with our wife and children.
My wife is in the medical field and I look forward to her being on call. It’s my guaranteed one-on-one time with my kids. I get to be the example of the type of man I want my daughter to marry and the dad and husband I want my son to be.
Sadly, there’s a lot of truth to this post… too much truth.

Cait 3 years ago

This is incredibly insulting to men. If we treat them like this, no wonder they act like children. My husband is a SAHD and a dang good one at that. And being the working mother, I don’t get instructions either when I am home. We are equal partners and manage the household together.

Jenny 3 years ago

My husband gets a B+, maybe even an A-, in this department, so I was kinda surprised how much rang true for even me! Eek. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit! At least he’s a far cry from my own dad when I was a kid, who once left me sitting in a poopy diaper the entire time my mom was gone and could *not* figure out why I was screaming bloody murder…until my mom came home and showed him that my butt had become poop-burned and blistered! (Tough to sit through seventh-grade math the next day. Jk, jk, jk!)

beta dad 3 years ago

I understand a lot of women have ex-husbands just like this guy!

Kate 3 years ago

I’m with you, Amber… a man who “baby sits” his own children is not someone I’d care to spend the rest of my lift with.

Meredith 3 years ago

Ha! Keesha, you nailed it. It’s very different house when Daddy is in charge. He’s a great dad, but let’s just say, “Let the good times roll!” And laundry being done? I fall over in glee.

Sr. M 3 years ago

Good post! Next blog post suggestion: “10 Things About Me that Suck for My Partner.”

Anna 3 years ago

This is so how it goes down at our house. My husband will even tell me, “you know if you don’t leave it out, I’m not gonna find it, right?

Yeah, honey. I know.

FosterCareQandA 3 years ago

I’m glad I’m not married to whatever guy this post was describing.

Nilzed 3 years ago

I was married to a guy like that. His 3rd wife just left him. Yeah, useless.

My now husband may not parent exactly as I do, but he is no better or worse. Did he do as much housekeeping as I would have when I had to be gone for two weeks? No, but he was doing his best to do his actual job from home in between caring for his son. And besides, in any given 2 weeks, there is plenty I might not have accomplished (she said, looking at the pile of unfolded laundry and the dark, depressingly still decorated Christmas tree piled up while husband has been gone almost 2 weeks)

Mercy 3 years ago

Once a week my hubby stays home with the kids while I work. Of course he spends most of the time watching t.v., but he does make sure the kids eat well and nap, even if they nap way too late. Once in a while he will even do the dishes. :)

Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments 3 years ago

Keesha, you are hilarious (as usual).

Iiona V 3 years ago

I am dying laughing, these are hysterical. A couple of Years ago I could have said that but now that the kids are older, 11, 6 & 5, it’s not even the same.

They actually love love when I leave the house they practically kick me out the door! But it also helps that he is partially retired & I’m a SAHM… So we do a lot together now :-)

Frugalistablog 3 years ago

The whole diapers and toothpaste comment is so true!! My husband doesn’t know where anything is. Nothing. And he’s better now that the kids are older, but they always tell me when I come home, ‘dad didn’t feed us, he just gave us snacks.’

Greta @gfunkified 3 years ago

Um, yeah. Especially #1. When I walk back in the door, instant guilt trip. But if I hadn’t walked out the door in the first place, somebody probably wouldn’t have made it through another day. I need me some ME time.

Liz 3 years ago

LOVE this…I have heard about one of those awesome daddy’s that is a full-fledged partner…what the heck happened in my house?

Stacey 3 years ago

This is so spot on that it’s scary! We have 7 children and I think it took me 4 kids for me not to be afraid the entire time I was gone. Without fail, he would always call at bedtime and ask where the binky was. Now that I have older children, he just asks them where stuff is. Usually someone will know! To my husband’s credit, he is totally willing to take them any time I need a night(or weekend) off!

Kim at Let Me Start By Saying 3 years ago

SO funny! My husband is great, but his thing is forgetting to feed the kids. Really?? You can’t remember that the kids need to eat 5x a day? So I clear the kitchen island and lay out a whole bunch of food and meal props as a not-so-gentle reminder. 😉

Crystal 3 years ago

Dude,never get excited over them doing work! Then they think are not supposed to help ALL of the time. I respond with ‘oh,cool.thanks baby.’ not in an exited tone. I nipped this ‘babysitting’ behavior in the butt early.He cooks all the meals when he’s home-(he works 2nd shift @work) helps me clean when he IS home,and NEVER says the word babysitting.

Kathy at kissing the frog 3 years ago

When I am going out, even my kids will say, “Is Daddy going to babysit us?” I say, “No, he is going to PARENT you.”

Oh, and the “Dad is great” thing is Bill Cosby, not Eddie Murphy.

Amy 3 years ago

I so agree! This is why men and women get divorced.

Nil17 3 years ago

Yes, this is exactly what it’s like at my house. It’s not that Hubs isn’t willing to take care of the kids but rather that I do it ALL DAY LONG. He does it for a few minutes at night while I pee alone or finish supper.

Plus both kids scream “Dad” & trample anyone or anything in their path when he comes home. lol

Toulouse 3 years ago

Even my hubs is only 32 and he goes around singing that song (so clearly, he knows he’s like that too). Not sure how he knows it since he’s a BAYBAY but he does. Gotta love the Eddie Murphy from the old days.

Kelly McNamara 3 years ago

Toulouse: “Dad is great…gives us the chocolate cake” haha! You must be about my age cuz I about died when I read that! Yes, that’s my hubby too!

He’s a great dad with them, but yeah, they eat horribly and stay up way too late when he “babysits”.

Toulouse 3 years ago

Keesha,
This was so funny and so true. My hubs works his butt off all week and does help with the kids on the weekends. BUT he still doesn’t know where anything is and he’s still the one who lets them break routines, stay up late and eat candy (Dad is great, he gives us the chocolate cake!). Regardless of what we call him, the husband is still a little bit a babysitter, no?
#s 1, 2, and 3. Yes, that.

Rebecca J 3 years ago

I wish this wasn’t true at my house, but sadly mostly is an exact description of the way things are (although my hubs would strongly deny it all if accused, so don’t tell him I said that, k?)! Thanks for making me chuckle!

Ninja Mom 3 years ago

Keesha you killed it! Event hubs LOLed. #7 is our fave. My man doesn’t know where anything is in our house except the fridge and the TV. But he helps with laundry. Sharing this everywhere.

Kim 3 years ago

It’s so true. I’m the “go to” person for almost everything and he’s the default. Maybe it’s because I’m home all day with them? And when he does watch them all day he struts around that night like he’s the shit and I’m one lucky lady. Whatever.

Shelter 3 years ago

OMG!!! I just about died laughing.

Megan 3 years ago

Yep, this is my house. My husband is a great dad and certainly does more than previous generations did, but he go back and forth between being another child and an actual partner. That said, I get indignant when people refer to him “babysitting.” I correct them with, “No he’s taking care of his children.”

Hollow tree ventures 3 years ago

Yes to ALL of this – they’re the most expensive, hard to schedule babysitters in town. Thanks for the laugh! I needed the entertainment, since I know I won’t be leaving the house any time soon. 😉

Shannon 3 years ago

Your very lucky! Although my husband isn’t like the second dads you described, he also doesn’t help much. Its kind of like I have to ask for help or he doesn’t do it.

Absence of alternatives 3 years ago

Lol. Tru dat. Thank you for the lost. Sharing this!

Shannon 3 years ago

lol this is too funny and also VERY true! When I was with my ex (my son’s father) I remember him asking his dad if he ever had to babysit him when he was little. His dad replied “Babysit?! Hello its your child, you aren’t babysitting them!” I try not to even bother leaving my 2 year old home with my husband, the last time I did, he fell asleep and when I got home and woke him up he asked me when I was leaving! In the mean time, my daughter had dumped baby powder all over the living room! And I was only gone an hour! Imagine how it would have been if I was gone longer than that?!

Andie 3 years ago

My husband is pretty awesome. Through the week, he works. It’s ALL me whether I want it to be or not. On the weekends, he helps a ton (mainly because I am tired), but still manages to keep his “guy pants” on. I’ll catch him watching football or catching up on Hulu on the computer. I figured he works a lot and deserves some “me” time. Nobody is perfect, though. However, there are some dads out there who don’t do anything but ignore their kids by hanging on their phone all the time or off in another room 98% of the time. The only time these dads show their faces is when there is a hot meal presented to them on the table. That, to me, is ridiculous and a complete waste. Enjoy your children!!

jetts31 3 years ago

If my wife were this overbearing, lacked the confidence in my parenting ability, or thought it necessary to treat me like a child, we would have serious problems. I can’t believe there are still Dads out there that are this inept?

Deb 3 years ago

This is soooo true!!!! It kills me when he’s on the phone with his buddy and says to him “No, cant do it, I have to babysit”. Ahhhhhhhh

Amber 3 years ago

Wow. This blog post makes me want to go give my husband a big hug. Seriously, if I was married to a guy like you describe above, I’d be divorced. I have no time to take care of a 3rd child.

Jenna 3 years ago

LOL! Mine is a SAHD, so I’m lucky in this department. But this is COMPLETELY my brother in law!

Kim 3 years ago

OMG, are you in my house? Seriously. This is why I don’t even bother leaving.