What Fathers Really Want For Father’s Day

With Father’s Day coming up this weekend, I thought I would go ahead and open up the secret ‘man vault’ and tell every woman what every man really wants for Father’s Day. It’s not an expensive gift and it’s never sold out in stores. It is, however, the most thoughtful gift you could ever get him, and will provide a lifetime of special memories. A gift that is worth more than your mother’s weight in gold and one that he will remember as the best gift he ever received.

What is this incredible gift? A large cup of shut the fuck up.

That’s it, ladies. We want a day free of nagging, chatting, telling of extremely long stories that could have been summarized in two minutes, screaming kids, chores, errands, having to be awake, having to give up the remote control to the TV to whiny kids, trips down memory lane, any and ALL questions, in fact, make that any and ALL communication, peeing inside, eating inside with the family, shaving, blinking and any and everything else that consists of doing anything involving using energy and burning calories.

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If your man likes beer, (I personally don’t drink beer), get him a case and have it on ice in a cooler next to his favorite chair. Keep in mind, you have to do this without talking.

To help you with proper Father’s Day etiquette,  I’m going to show you all the schedule I have posted on the fridge in my house for Father’s Day…

NOON: Wake up

12:00 – 1:00 P.M: Shower, coffee and Redbull

1:00 P.M: Sit down in my favorite chair out by the garage

1:01 P.M: Turn on the radio

1:30 P.M: Pee behind the bushes

1:31 – 2:00 P.M: Have lunch (box of chocolate chip cookies and a Redbull)

2:00 P.M: Organize tackle box and practice casting across the front yard

2:30 P.M: Pee behind the bushes

2:31 P.M: Talk a stroll through the yard

2:45: Light yard waste burn pile on fire

2:50: Kill red ants

3:00 – 5:30 P.M: Nap

5:31 P.M: Pee behind fig tree (mixing it up a bit)

6:00 P.M: Eat Dinner outside by myself (hot wings and apple pie)

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6:30 – 9:00 P.M: Play with some tools in the garage. Randomly cut wood and screw it together for no reason.

9:00 – Midnight: Watch whatever I want for a change

* Remember – to execute this perfectly, there has to be complete silence from you.

And that in a nut shell is what I call the perfect Father’s Day. Now feel free to tweak this to fit your Baby Daddy’s personality, wants and needs, but if you do this, you will have one happy and refreshed man to wake up to the next morning.

However, if none of this will work for your individual situation, you can always buy him a nice grill or smoker.

About the writer

Michael Cavender is a stay at home dad who spends his days teetering on the edge of insanity while trying to find the balance between being a father and best friend to his 2 beautiful girls and his rock star 8 year old son. His blog, daddyfishkins, is full of hilarious pictures and stories of how a former tough guy has been totally humbled by his two precocious daughters and too-smart-for-his-own-good son and forced to reevaluate his opinion of stay-at-home parents and women in general. Find him on Facebook and Twitter.

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Jason 4 months ago

How come sex is not on the list?

6:00am BJ before the kids wake up
6:15 – 7:00 pm do literally anything with the wife and kids

7:00 round 2 sexual romp

7:01 bed

Megan 8 months ago

It’s not unreasonable that he wants to do absolutely nothing all day since we all really want that, but it’s extremely disrespectful to tell your spouse to STFU all day.

Jenna Melendez 1 year ago

Wait till his kids are 15 and don’t care to remember it’s father’s day….that should make him real happy. Enjoy fathers day with your children while they actually enjoy being with you. The teen years are rough and you will miss the home made cards that have been replaced by texts.

Mike J 1 year ago

I need my wife to see this but without me sending it to her.

Jody 1 year ago

Wow! I feel sorry for your family. I don’t know about everyone else but my husband uses a toilet just like other civilized people. What mom ever gets an uninterrupted day of peace and quiet!
If this is satire he should have made it clear because it actually just sounds pathetic.

Meg 1 year ago

How about a quick divorce? Because if my husband spoke of me and my family this way that’s what he would be getting for father’s day!

SLOMO 1 year ago

Cancel all that..a BJ will do :)

Theresa Gonzalez 1 year ago

I’m a SAHM and on my husbands days off he gives me a break by feeding, changing diapers, and even cooks us dinner. He deserves a day similar to this and more frequently. Appreciate your husbands ladies.

Jess 1 year ago

I bet all your husbands want to give you a large glass of STFU as well.

Amy K. 1 year ago

Not a small cup, not a sip – a LARGE cup!!!

kristina 1 year ago

He isn’t ! You just don’t get it.

Suzanne Hickey Swain 1 year ago

Oh please ladies, lighten up! It’s one thing to give your guy props it’s another to moan about what is clearly an opportunity to just have a good laugh. We’re all different. And if you don’t want a day of silence … Maybe you just don’t like yourself enough to spend the day with your own thoughts? And if you are unhappy because your spouse doesn’t make your Mother’s Day special the way you would like it to be..ah, duh.. That’s your own damn fault. Either you need to demand it or dump him. You are only as disrespected as you allow. Demand better. Mothers generally take the brunt of the workload… No two ways about it, but that doesn’t mean you crap all over all other dads. It means you demand more from the ones who aren’t doing their part… Peeing in the yard.. Hah sure it’s a bit over the top but again the point was to be sarcastic and funny. Father’s Day not being a father? Well I know a crap load of moms who would like a day off from being a mom. The energy you are wasting on this hate Fest is just wasteful. I can say all this because I used to feel the same way. But that’s because I was miserable about the lack of help I was getting parenting and running the house while also working and volunteering. And then one day I finally realized I was wasting the opportunity to enjoy my life and family. Get yourself together ladies, figure out what you want and need to have a happy family life and make it happen. With the internet you have access to all kinds of positive and useful information. Life is too short to let something meant to bring a laugh into your day get your panties in a knot. Sheesh.

Cynthia Burton 1 year ago

I know it’s a joke post, but yes, already bought the beer and roast and he watches sports and whatever he wants constantly:).

Adrianne Ward Burney 1 year ago

As on Mother’s Day, he won’t get his wish, either. Our 4-year-old will see to that!

Brittany Everly 1 year ago

He’s a stay at home dad. He takes care of his kids. ANY parent that does that deserves a break! If this were a post from a SAHM most would whole-hearted lay agree with it…..except maybe the peeing. What’s up with that? Lol.

Rachel 1 year ago

Thank

Rachel 1 year ago

Hahaha. I said

Rachel 1 year ago

No you do not.

Ashley 1 year ago

I understand wanting time to yourself, this is totally different. I appreciate my husband so much more now.

Rachel 1 year ago

All you ladies bitching. He is talking to you. It was a joke. Are people so stupid now that they cannot tell a joke from reality. Get over your butthurt and listen to this man. From the sounds of it I bet your husband would love a day where YOU stfu!

Kim 1 year ago

“He can piss all over the yard if he wants” lol. Glad my husband has no yard pissing inclinations. But I agree with you: if he wanted, he’s deserved it.

Kim 1 year ago

Pretty sure my husband would be happy with beer, candy, three home cooked meals, two hours to play video games (which he never has time to, gets to play) & a family hike somewhere new.

Which we will do next year. This year I had a baby a week ago. So it’s pretty much not going to be his day. Thankfully he doesn’t mind at all (if our roles were reversed I’d mind!). But he’s a better person than I am. So I’m lucky.

Also: sentimental cards from the kids and me. He’ll get that. And beer.

Sam 1 year ago

Lol, you’re really going to sit there and tell someone to get over it because their comment differs from yours?

Sam 1 year ago

Well, he did mention if none of that works for us women, to buy the guy a grill or a smoker, but other than that, what I gathered from the entry is that he doesn’t give a shit about his kids and wife for the day, that he thinks his wife should shut her mouth and the kids as well. So foolish. My dad wasn’t the best dad in the world but at least we all spent Father’s Day together every year. Not sure what this world’s come to these days but apparently it’s cool nowadays to act like a total dick.

I’m sorry, but if this dude was MY husband, I’d tell him to go shit in a hat.

Leah McAllister 1 year ago

Pretty sure I know what all(most) men want for Father’s Day. And it ain’t on that list. 😉

Caitlin Mary LeClair 1 year ago

Everyone took this way too seriously. Chilllllll out this is hilarious lol.

Kim Sveinson 1 year ago

Totally agree! I was amused and if a SAHM said this all the women would agree but a SAHD doesn’t get to wish for a day all his own.

Laurel 1 year ago

Sarcasm people. Sarcasm.

Sarai Johnson 1 year ago

I see nothing wrong with this. Dude wants a day off. Bet most mums want a day off alone and there wouldn’t be someone slating them. Plus a lot of men do a lot around the house, for their kids, etc. Stop stereotyping, and saying this man is an arsehole just because for one day he wants to be on his own is ridiculous.

Cassandra 1 year ago

LOL I love it, but to many negative people on here :( My husband deserves all of the above, he works his ass off for me and his four daughters, he can piss all over the yard if he wants :)

Cassandra 1 year ago

HAHAHAHA :)

Kim Squier 1 year ago

I say it’s satire, get over it.

Got it?

KEBMAMA 1 year ago

WOW and some of the men here think the women make them all look like A-holes…satire or not, SAHD or not

Carol Thon Geiger 1 year ago

why do men enjoy peeing everywhere. what are they, great danes?

Jessica Fillion 1 year ago

Ohkay, now that I actually read this instead of just the comments (seriously, sometimes the comments are more entertaining and I can usually get the idea of it.) I would have no problem doing anything requested if I were not a single mom. With that said, I give my oldest sons dad exactly what I get for mothers day regardless if he wants it or not. He gets to have his son an extra day to do everything I do 12 out of every 14 days. Before I became a single mom, he got for father’s day (and every day) what I could only dream of. That big cup of STFU. (Might explain the single mom thing, but he still can’t figure it out.) Father’s day and his birthday are my two most favorite holidays next to Christmas. I get the gift, A DAY OFF! He gets to work overtime since he works graves and by court order has to pick him up right after work and return him no earlier or later than 8pm. Its an hour drive back to his house and then he was to be back to work by 10pm.

Liz 1 year ago

Haha. All the hate. This guy is great if you follow him. He is a stay at home dad and only wants a day off not hearing a toddler scream all day. I know on mothers say I asked for a few hours of the same.

Amy San 1 year ago

Not my hubby! The true meaning of father or Mother’s Day is to SPEND it with your kids! You wouldn’t be a father or mother otherwise..

Amrita Jinorio 1 year ago

The guy is a stay at home dad, all he is asking for is a break, why not?

melissa 1 year ago

Hell, I just wish I’d have thought of this for Mothers Day!!!! I read it out loud to my husband and asked him if this is what he wants…he sheepishly nodded his head. Hell, the man works so I can stay home and raise our child…if he wants a day to do whatever he wants, he’s got it!!!
You bitchy women are just jealous because you didn’t ask for this last month on your day.

Christine 1 year ago

Wow. Did anyone read the guy’s bio? He’s a stay-at-home-dad. So, since all these moms are saying this is exactly what they say they wanted for Mother’s Day, does that make all mothers/women look like a**holes also? My husband tends to not pick up after himself, like most guys and it drives me nuts, but I would never doubt for a minute that he works hard at his job so I can stay home with our son. So if this was what my husband wanted for Father’s Day, he would get it.

Kari 1 year ago

OMG ladies calm down you all are taking this way to serious. He is a stay at home dad and all he wants is one day a year to relax from that. I don’t think it’s too much to ask at all. I asked my husband what he wants to do for Father’s Day he said I don’t know. At least this guy has an answer

Marinewifejess 1 year ago

Hahahahaha that sounded like my dream Mother’s Day back when I stayed at home and was still in school except I’d elect to take a leak off side my porch.

My husband has pretty much always wanted the same alone time no matter when he was active duty, when he became the stay at home parent as I worked (talk about amusing how quickly he lost his mind), or hell this year with us both employed he sent the kids off to his parents.

It’s not matter loving your family or not, it’s matter at that point knowing what you need. The year him n I were separated all he wanted on Father’s Day was to spend the weekend with us as a whole, at that time it’s what he needed.

So again buddy I salute you, it made me laugh pretty hard.

Anon 1 year ago

telling of extremely long stories that could have been summarized in two minutes –

Your husband=great.
This guy=not.

Nikki 1 year ago

Yes! I am floored at how pissy people are getting. He’s a stay at home dad who wants some alone time? Just like moms want sometimes? Is it getting people angry because he said it like this, or because he’s a he?

Krystin 1 year ago

Are people really freaking out? Around mother’s day all I seen on blogs written by women was they wanted a day to relax and have their husbands take over the household duties and the kids. So what if a stay at home dad wants the same thing. I’m sure his wife has read his blog and page and laughs. She obviously fell in love with sense of humor, I know I did with my fiance.

nikki 1 year ago

People seriously need to chill out. I have been reading scary mommy and daddy fishkins blog. If you can understand the humor in scary mommy then you should be able to understand the humor in daddy fishkins, take it with a grain of salt and relax a bit.I found it extremely funny, I have been a stay at home mom and now I work outside the home. Lets be honest ladies, we do talk a lot, makes stories longer than they need to be, nag and b**** quite a bit.

Amber 1 year ago

I guess most of you are not familiar with Daddy Fishkins and satire. Relax people!

shelia 1 year ago

he pretty much nailed it on the head. as a stay at home parent, mom or dad, I think we all basically want exactly that!! with the exception of peeing outside, im all set. On mothers day, I want to be left the fuck alone! I spend every single day with my kids, all day long. I think its perfectly fine to get a break from all the responsibility even if its only for a few hours. I love this guys page!

shelia 1 year ago

yup. you nailed that one.

Tanstaafl2 1 year ago

You ladies DID read the bio at the end of the article where it says he’s a SAH dad – didn’t you? With that in mind, how is this article any different from the one’s written by SAHM’s in which they say their most intense desire is to get a day to themselves to go to a hotel (alone) sleep in, do whatever they want, and not do chores or hear a constant barrage of “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” all day long. Of course, if THAT was the case with this article, a goodly number of you would be posting comments along the lines of “Damn straight!” or “Funniest thing I ever read!”

Hypocrite much?

Heather 1 year ago

He’s joking!!! He’s a full time stay at home Dad. Loves his wife and kids and is a huge supporter if women and is just generally awesome! Read his blog!!

T 1 year ago

Yeahhhh…pretty much what I want minus the outdoor pee session. Not gonna happen here either. Never does. The kids scream in the morning and dad yells back waking me up to a symphony of irritation bright and early. Why didn’t I sleep in he will ask. Hmmm…I wonder. The brats attach to me from the moment I wake enter the room. Breakfast is never made. Cold cereal. He wants to attempt breakfast out. NOT ON YOUR LIFE! Seriously I will cut you if you dont take them out.
Dont get me wrong I love my tribe but one day a year I want silence too to just recoup and rest so that I may be a better person the next day. I want to think in silence of the happy times. It is like my labor day.

Nichol Heinemann 1 year ago

Amen!!

Nichol Heinemann 1 year ago

I cannot help but laugh at all you sanctimonious women bashing this blog. Take the stick our of your ass and try to locate a sense of humor, STAT. NEVER once did he say he didn’t care about his wife/children. He wants ONE frigging day. This whole weekend is about my amazing fiancé and what a wonderful Father he is to our children. And I’m grateful for him. I’m also grateful that I’m not married to any of you self-righteous, assuming, haters. Happy Father’s Day Daddy Fishkins!! Here’s to a good pee behind the fig tree!!

Tiffany Tracey 1 year ago

Love it! I ask for the same on Mother’s day!:)

Deanna Prieto 1 year ago

Every one needs a break sometimes. It’s not healthy to be all about your kids and spouse 24/7. I think this article is hilarious. It’s my ideal mothers day, and my husbands ideal fathers day.
😀
I got a good laugh anyway.

Laura 1 year ago

Haha! Yep. A good dose of STFU is what everyone needs. Especially these haters! You deserve a break once a year, daddy fishkins! Cheers to you on Father’s Day! Drink, Eat, sleep and pee happily!!!

CaseyLynn 1 year ago

☺Love everyone freaking out. This man is funny. His day will probably really going to go like this;
6:00 am- (his wife) Bye honey. I have to go to work.Happy father’s day. Have fun with the kids, and by the way my parents will be stopping by at 7AM. Could you make sure the kids are fed and bathed, and PLEASE FINISH GETTING THE GUM OUT OF THE BABY’S HAIR.

danielle 1 year ago

This is hilarious if u think about it. Come on ladies. We all know we can nag a little. All he is saying is he wants to sleep in, be nagging free, do guy stuff and relax! Its humerous. Love it and his page!

Victoria McCorkindale 1 year ago

Sigh. Does no one have a sense of humor anymore?

Stacey Campbell Ogden 1 year ago

If this guy was aiming to make me appreciate my husband more, he overshot.

jackie rela 1 year ago

Aha there are a lot of menstruating women here…if this is what my husband wants ill plant a fucking Bush for him to piss on..

Kimberly Wade Johnson 1 year ago

I have no problem with giving my husband the day to relax. He works 6 days a week so I can be home with our son. He deserves one day.

julietin 1 year ago

Ladies. He’s being humorous. Kindly take that stick off of your butt and get a sense of humour….oh your poor husbands

chasity 1 year ago

I think this is funny. Want in one hand and crap in the other , see which one fills up the quickest. At least he’s honest about it .

Danielle 1 year ago

This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read. Wow.

Chris 1 year ago

Entirely too many comments from the ladies. you might not have read the part about the cup of shut the f*ck up. 😛

Amy Messer 1 year ago

not a bit different than any other weekend, and its not my stories that are longwinded btw

Rebecca @Unexplained X2 1 year ago

Thank YOU! I’ve been reading the comments in disbelief shaking my head b/c people just can’t take it these days. Lighten up ladies…I’m SURE your men want to spend all day with you and your whiny kids. LOL!

gwen 1 year ago

With this attitude, my guess is he’ll have a LOT of time to himself once his wife has enough and leaves his ass.

Beth Rabin Akkaway 1 year ago

Too funny! I asked my husband what he wants to do “Lie on the couch?” … not far off according to this!

Chad 1 year ago

I’m sure this was satire, but still think it holds value. My X and I have always had a standing agreement about mother’s and father’s day. It’s about what you need with no judgement. Some years that means doing something as a family and other years, it’s STFU and let me sleep all day…get the kids out of the house.

Being a parent is a hard job and definitely something to celebrate, but peace and quiet and alone time is often rare, so if you need this day for that, knock yourself out. The last thing I’ll do is judge because of it.

Kat Sperlazzo-Williams 1 year ago

As a stay at home dad, I can completely understand wanting this because it’s what I want every year and never get!! But I am the stay at home parent, not my husband. He is gone every chance he gets, fishing, better than the bar, but still not around. So I told him to just go fishing since he prefers that and I can go do what I want rather than sit around and try to make his day special, when the only thing we got to do for Mother’s Day is go to his moms for dinner, which means the hour before we leave I have a fucking anxiety attack because now I have to work harder to make the kids perfectly happy and clean before we go……Fuck this shit, just writing this pisses me off that all I get to do on weekends is clean, while he runs off to the river or wherever he wants to go. The sad part is, if I was the one working he would still be gone every chance but it would be because he is stuck home with the kids all day, and I would still be cleaning but on a more massive scale.

Trevor Tanya Goldbloom 1 year ago

Wow so father’s day you want to n spend not being a father…I get sleeping in and having a relaxing day but WITH your children. What an ass.

ClaudiaCrabapple 1 year ago

Ladies: 7 Billion people on the planet and 1 post to make you angry and ruin your day? Get a sense of humor! Who wouldn’t want to be able to pee in peace without fingers underneath the door? Get over it…it’s called SARCASM.

Nikki Villalobos 1 year ago

Wow. So much hate. He’s a stay at home dad that wants a break for father’s day. I know moms who want the same on mother’s day. He was just writing it out in a fairly humorous, probably exaggerated, way. Seriously, chill.

Julie Dater-Twomey 1 year ago

I feel like this guy is really angry with his wife.

ClaudiaCrabapple 1 year ago

My DH works 2 jobs and about 100 hours per week. He comes home late every night and all he wants to do is hug our kids and give me a peck on the cheek. He rarely drinks, cooks on the weekends, and makes sure we are taken care of. If peeing in the yard once a year makes him happy, so be it!

Bina M 1 year ago

you must have an awesome marriage. I will never under appreciate my husband again

Mary E. Mayberry 1 year ago

So basically, you want to pretend you aren’t a father and totally resent your family.

Got it.

Kim Brennan 1 year ago

This is funny! I say suck it up cupcake! On Mother’s day I wanted a massage from Henry Cavil and to take two naps in between my wine and ice cream sundaes. .not gonna happen!

Mary 1 year ago

I don’t know any man who has feet that looks like that!

Amanda Bedsaul 1 year ago

I’m pretty sure my husband wrote this, he would be in his “man cave” playing GTA 5 though instead of piddling in the garage just like every other Sunday.

Jessica Howell Flewwellin 1 year ago

I agree. I’m not really liking how this portrays Father’s overall. I actually feel sorry for this man’s family.

Amanda Olson MacPherson 1 year ago

While STFU is probably physically impossible for the kids and I, GTFO works…he can dawdle around like an invalid, the kids and I can go to the beach/park/somewhere awesome. Who wants to be at home anyway? The laundry and dishes live there…

Mikki 1 year ago

This post makes me thankful I married a man who appreciates me and what I have to say. Ick.

Mary Kaye 1 year ago

I’ve got a great sense of humor. This isn’t funny.

Mary Kaye 1 year ago

I think the rest of us get it, too – he’s a big whiny child, not a father.

Jamie 1 year ago

Get a sense of humor, people, and maybe do a little research before posting stupid comments about the author being a bad father for wanting a little peace & quiet:
1. He is a stay at home dad (by choice) and all evidence points to the fact that he is a VERY involved dad and loves his kids even though they drive him crazy (kind of like all the mom commenters on here).
2. It’s called “satire”…it’s used to make a subtle point (I don’t need a tie I won’t use) by proposing a ridiculous situation (total solitude on Fathers Day) that he knows will never take place and really wouldn’t enjoy I it did occur.

Calm down POMs! (Pissed Off Mommies)

Mary Kaye 1 year ago

When does your wife get a day like that? Frankly, on Mother’s Day, I don’t want to be away from my kids – it’s a day that *I* celebrate being a mother by spending it with my kids without other distractions (like whiny husbands who spent 1/4 of the time that I do with our children and do 16th of the work around the house but moan and groan about how put upon they are and that they never have time for themselves – i.e., get over it, buddy).

Jessy Loza 1 year ago

Lol …I know my guy wants to stay home n do nothing! … but it’s ok cuz he works mon to sat so I can stay home with the kids n on his only day of I normally have something planned for us to do as a family so he gets father’s day to just relax cuz I don’t want to hear him complain the rest of the year that he never gets a break. ..lol but he wouldn’t want to b left alone he wants us to stay home with him n relax

Annika Miriam 1 year ago

I like the article. Excellent idea. That’s what my hubby will get… A day of peace.

helen 1 year ago

This article is about the most degrading junk towards men I have ever read. Pure trash! If all men were like you, you wouldn’t have to worry about a wife or kids bothering you, you’d be single and lonely.

Mary Kepner Yates 1 year ago

2 years ago I gave my husband a 2 inch steak and a six pack. Then I took the kids away for the day. He’s still bragging to his friends about it.

Charissia McNitt 1 year ago

Spending the day alone away from the house is different than being at home all day and being told to shut up and stay away.

Kimberly Griffin Monahan 1 year ago

Omg!!! So funny!!!

Amber 1 year ago

Yeah, with the exception of silence on my end, mine gets endless Fathers Days including on Mother’s Day!

Veronica Griego 1 year ago

I agree with him. For Mother’s Day, I have breakfast with my family and then I get to spend the rest of the day alone. It’s fabulous!

Kimberly Ketcham 1 year ago

Funny but when I hear women talk about the men in their lives I often hear, it’s like he doesn’t want to talk me or listen to me. Guess it’s true in some cases.

Christine Entress 1 year ago

Lol!!!

Nikki J Walters 1 year ago

I feel real sorry for this guys wife, marriage and kids. So sad

Rebecca Schreiner 1 year ago

Hahaha! This made me laugh. I’m terribly guilty of telling long stories that could have been summed up in two minutes…

nicole 1 year ago

Um…. This is just mean. Not funny.

Joanna LoPresti Keel 1 year ago

What an ass! He needs to STFU!

Emily Lukingbeal Stepp 1 year ago

What a douche canoe. Glad I’m not his wife/kid!!

Natalie ‘Labat’ Spiczka 1 year ago

If this is how men feel about their wives and children, perhaps they shouldn’t be married or have kids? Our Father’s Day will be navigated by my hubby and we will enjoy the time together (per his request). After all, WE are the reason he gets to celebrate Father’s Day. He appreciates and loves being a dad and husband. We love him more than anything. He gets to be who he is all the time and we love him for it. Whether he is peeing behind the bushes, working in the garage, or snuggled up with us watching a movie, we love him!

Lisa Marie Garman 1 year ago

If my hubby told me all he wanted for Father’s Day was for me to STFU all day, I’d kick his ass. And then talk his ear off for a week.

Jessica Ball 1 year ago

This is the dumbest thing ive ever heard. Besides sleeping in and peeing in bushes my husband does this anyways. Lol He would rather take his 5 year old golfing than hide in the garage from his family.

Kristin Cambron Steele 1 year ago

He forgot the part when he would get the blower out and blow leaves around the yard w/o getting yelled at!

Sarah DeSade 1 year ago

Well, for mothers day I celebrated being a mother by doing things with my kids and Mr. My birthday is a day that I can be a self indulgent, selfish, adult if I want to do that- but that is not the point of mother’s day in my opinion! I get it is a hard and thankless job, but this kind of negative and self absorbed individualistic petulance is something I just don’t agree with. How do you celebrate the relationships that changed you into a parent by peeing in the bushes all day?! Odds are, if this is really the way he feels- his family likely doesn’t want to spend time with him either! lol. No wonder our teenagers are so messed up 😉

Amanda Poudrier Erickson 1 year ago

Omg, I hate this guy. What an ass.

Zury Apolinario 1 year ago

That’s exactly what they want they just don’t have the guts to tell you ladies lol

Sara MacCoy 1 year ago

This article kindof contradicts the greeting card article…

Amber Liberty 1 year ago

Ummm. That sounds like what hubby gets everyday. Mothers day is certainly not a “day off” for me. There is no such thing.

Andrea 1 year ago

I’m sorry…but that’s crap. At least in this mom’s eyes. On mothers day I woke up with the kids at 7:30am while my husband slept in, I cleaned the house, got them breakfast, took a five minute shower that was interrupted like ten times by kids and finally around super time my husband got that I was getting pissed and slightly redeemed himself by making supper and doing all of the dishes.
When my mother’s days start looking a little less like this and a little more like this “perfect” fathers day present….then maybe I’ll be nice enough to bring him A beer after supper. Until then…ha, he’ll get treated like its any other day…just like I do.

Laurie Nunez 1 year ago

Women are definitely from Venus! Lol Mine is staying in to watch the World Cup! We can join him if we want. My hubby IS the Mom, so we are celebrating by letting him do what he likes.

Christina V. Shaffer 1 year ago

It’s articles like these that make me want to become a lesbian :-) the father of my children is no longer in the picture and it is because he shared this man’s views, except this was his plan for daily life, not just father’s day.

T 1 year ago

Well, this guy certainly sounds like a d-packer. First off, he must not like his wife very much, in that most of his desires center around being alone and having her shut the eff up. Luckily for me, my husband I are FRIENDS. We like to talk, laugh, bs, cuddle, etc. He also likes our kids, which, according to the jerk above, should just magically disappear and mom (like we usually do) should just handle everything and keep them at least 20 feet away from him. Once again, lucky me- my husband thinks our boys are funny, beautiful and an asset to his life. In short, this guys wife must be one of the loneliest women around because he is one of the nastiest excuses for a man I have ever read about. Dont get me wrong, Im sure my husband wants sleep and some quiet time on fathers day, but he also wants to be with US. You know, the people he CHOSE to be part of a family with.

Amanda Orozco 1 year ago

When I get that large cup….then so will my husband….

Randi Cloud 1 year ago

Seriously peeing in your yard? How old is this guy? sounds like he didn’t get to get it out of his system before getting married/having kids!

Annie 1 year ago

I would love to have a day like that. So – I get it. I’ll give it a try this Father’s Day. To all the Dads out there – have a good one!

Ronda 1 year ago

My husband isn’t a gross slob like this and wants to spend time with his family … And we don’t tell one another stfu

Olga Beltran-Cortes 1 year ago

Lol!

Christen Burwick 1 year ago

Reading these comments, I am really thankful for my hubs. He was a super sweety on mother’s day. Brought me breakfast in bed, let me be mega lazy all morning, chocolates & a necklace, and took me out to eat. He’s awesome. & he is skipping father’s day to be home for my birthday instead. (Trucker) I’m a lucky gal<3

Holly Degner Tata 1 year ago

He sucks!!!!

Rae 1 year ago

1) What, no fetching his slippers and making him a martini? 2) When I get that for Mother’s day (mostly the sleep part, really! Maybe a bubble bath.), he can get something like this (if he so desired). 3) We’re just planning to BBQ, fill the kiddie pool and be together as a family because, frankly, that’s what these holidays are really about! Soap box rant time, gather ’round! We as a society have really gotten so anti-family (note: I’m not saying ‘traditional’ here), we literally need holidays to remind us, ‘hey, chuckle head, go spend time with your family for once!’ Rant over. Whatever you and your family plan, may it be a happy Father’s Day for you! 😀

Denise Dennison 1 year ago

Lol a large cup of STFU

Bonnie Land 1 year ago

This makes men look like a-holes.

Maximilian Frazier-Quijano 1 year ago

So on Father’s Day fathers want to not be fathers……. Interesting

N 1 year ago

whoooosh. pretty sure this was satire, folks. 😉

Jen West 1 year ago

After I talk to my friends with crappy husbands I tell my husband he is back on the pedestal. When I read a story like this, it also puts him back on the pedestal. Because other than the nap and peeing in the yard, he would rather not spend the day like this – drinking alone and tinkering pointlessly with wood and screws. He would like to spend time with the little people that give him the title “Daddy.” 😉

Becky 1 year ago

I’ll stick to the card, breakfast in bed, and trip to Home Depot where he can buy whatever he wants up to a certain dollar amount. When I get a day of doing nothing and actually get a thank you for all that I do, then maybe, but until then, not gonna happen.

Amanda Fiedler Goldsmith 1 year ago

In reality, not speaking for the entire day would ruin father’s day cause he’ll spend the whole day wondering what pissed you off

Sarah Tilkens-Rogstad 1 year ago

Bwahahaahaha love this.

Shannon Hickey Damico 1 year ago

I am going to work all day until 11. Then he can spend all day with the kids! That is what father’s day is about anyway!!

Valerie Carlsen Johnson 1 year ago

Cute article! Happy Father’s Day!

Julie Williams 1 year ago

Seriously, how is that different from any other weekend for most men?! They just have no idea, no idea at all, do they? (Well, the vast majority, anyway)….

Jill Alave 1 year ago

Nah, I will reciprocate by inviting the inlaws (the whole clan) and make him do all the prep/entertainment/damage control/serving/cleanup while I stand at the grill and cook meat.

Lisa Marie Chipola 1 year ago

If I didn’t get to shower or pee alone on mother’s day, to hell with stfu lol

Suzette 1 year ago

Yeah… sure. When I get an entire day of doin absolutely nothing with zero communication then so can he. Until that point he can make due with a card, gift, and specially cooked dinner.

Abbi Patrick 1 year ago

So maybe he can go brunch with his inlaws. Seems fair, right?

Jennifer Schittino 1 year ago

He sounds like a peach. He doesn’t drink? Perhaps he should :-)

Abbi Patrick 1 year ago

Amen, damnit! Lol

Celeste Wise 1 year ago

Yeah I wanted a cup of stfu for Mother’s Day for at least 2 hours, but we went out to brunch with my inlaws instead.. Maybe next year daddy! :)

Sara Morrissey 1 year ago

He won’t get that til I do.

Lola 1 year ago

Never mind…the slobby, beer drinking, lazy Father’s Day cards might be a good choice for you;-)But I guess my husband is too sophisticated to call peeing outside 10 times a day, napping and being alone in silent a Happy Father’s Day.He rather spends it with his family.

K 1 year ago

Unless he’s lying, my husband actually wants to spend time with me and the kids for Fathers Day.

katie 1 year ago

Yeah. When I start getting some consideration and a day like that for mother’s day he can have one for father’s day. Pretty much every day ge gets what he wants.