Feisty Pets Are Here To Haunt Your Dreams

by Mike Julianelle

Feisty Pets are the perfect way to close out the holidays – with nightmares

Did you miss out on the Hatchimal craze this holiday season? Are your kids disappointed that you didn’t shell out half your paycheck just to make their Christmas dreams come true with the latest ridiculous fad they’ll forget about in two weeks?

Not to worry, Feisty Pets are here to save the day.

What is a Feisty Pet? I’m glad you asked!

They are tiny little stuffed animals that appear as harmless and cuddly as any plush doll, but there’s a twist. The adorable little cat, or bunny, or monkey, or polar bear you gifted to the light of your life is easily transformed into a bloodthirsty predator the minute the kid acts up! Check out this terrifying video to see them in action.

They’re around twenty bucks, and despite their ability to multitask and their utility for parents who are sick of spoiled kids, they’re nowhere near as in-demand as the Hatchimals that are flying off the shelves and going for hundreds on eBay.

Image via Amazon

Image via Amazo

Image via Amazon

Image via Amazon

Christmas may be over, but Hannukah is still spinning, New Year’s Day is coming, many kids have winter birthdays, and April Fool’s is just around the corner. The adorable Feisty Pets are perfect for any and all gift-giving-slash-prank-playing-slash-childhood-traumatizing occasions!

This strikes me as the perfect gift. If someone gets too close to your Pet, or maybe your kid hasn’t been behaving, or is throwing a fit because he didn’t get the Hatchimal or Cabbage Patch Kid or pony or life-sized replica of the Death Star s/he asked for, and voila, pinch the back of the Feisty Pets head and it’s kissable little face becomes a snarling mask of death!

I don’t know who came up with these psychotic little things, but I’d bet dollars to donuts they’re a parent. No one knows what it’s like to live with someone who can go from cute and cuddly one minute to snarling and vicious the next like a parent, especially a parent who just spent weeks buying, and a late night wrapping, an obscene amount of gifts, only to be greeted by a greedy child who didn’t get that one extra thing they wanted.

Well guess what, Junior? I got you the hottest new toy out there! Forget Hatchimals, get a load of your new toy. BUT DON’T PISS IT OFF.

Just be careful, because your genius gift might backfire on you the minute your kid decides to scare the hell out of his little brother.