From The Confessional: I Have To Manage Our Finances Or We'd Be F*cked

by Cassandra Stone
Originally Published: 
From The Confessional: I Have To Manage Our Finances Or We'd Be F*cked
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If you’re the person shouldering the burden of your household’s finances, you are NOT alone

In many relationships, one person is the diligent “know everything in our checking account down to the last penny” person and the other…well…isn’t. For some relationships, this works perfectly. For others, it can be a never-ending frustrating and stressful disaster.

While not every marriage or partnership has to come with a joint checking account, many do. Some people do automatic bill payments every month for everything. Those who live paycheck to paycheck may have to do it manually. Regardless of all of these things, when all of the bill-paying and budget-balancing falls to one person over the other, it can be a f*cking mess.

My husband has no clue about money. I manage all the money and do all the shopping. I tried to get him involved but he just won't. It's better this way, because he would just mess up our finances, but it makes me really resentful.

Confessional #25778847

Now that he's home all the time H is suddenly aware of the issues with the kids, the house, our finances, and our relationship. And he's irritated. Imagine how I feel doing it on my own for the last decade jackass! Sooo resentful.

Confessional #25773495

I HAD to take over the finances, or we would have ended up homeless. Before me he spent every last dime he made on porn, take-out every night, vaping, and strippers. Yet I'm the monster for taking charge and making sure we could make bills every month.

Confessional #25773053

Historically, labor outside the home was classically a masculine burden (during the past few centuries for middle- to upper-class married couples), salaries and investments were are largely the responsibility of men. Women were usually tasked with domestic labor and — you guessed it — household budgets!

My husband is a good man overall, but he's a functioning alcoholic. He drinks every evening, doesn't get belligerent, or stupid, but it's really hurting our f*ing finances and I'm sick of it. Nevermind the toll it's probably taking on his health.

Confessional #25763716

I love my kids more than anything but I regret becoming a SAHM. Not because of them but because how my husband runs and controls our finances.

Confessional #25759383

DW has a college degree in finance, but demands I’M responsible for family finances and investments. I think this makes as little sense as being married to an auto mechanic who demands YOU do all the work on the family cars.

Confessional #25757021

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, and the number one thing couples argue about according to Business Insider. Money and stress go hand in hand. And financial issues can unravel marriages between wealthy couples and couples in major debt alike. Not many couples actually take the time to really understand each other’s views on spending and saving.

“Unfortunately, this can cause frivolous fights between two people who have completely opposite views toward money,” Andrea Woroch, a personal finance writer, told Business Insider. “If one partner spends without thought and the other frantically saves every penny, there’s bound to be tension. The spender may feel that his or her partner is constantly nagging and cheap, while the saver may feel vulnerable to the effects of overindulging.”

Yup, that's right, my husband is the breadwinner. Because I handle every single thing in the house from finances, to family matters and home improvement projects. I don't have the fucking time or energy to juggle a job, too!

Confessional #25749456

My H's flippant attitude about finances turns me off more than his small, crooked dick does.

Confessional #25183683

My husband can't handle finances. I discovered he "borrowed" money from our daughters' saving account. One more item for the "why I want a divorce" list...

Confessional #25067350

A 2019 UBS poll of 3,652 women around the world found 58% defer long-term financial decisions to their spouses or ex-spouses. Participants included 2,241 married women with at least $1 million in investible assets and 1,401 who were divorced or widowed.

Among the women surveyed in the United States, 54% said their spouse takes the lead in handling the family’s finances beyond paying bills. The women did not participate in long-term financial planning, investing or health-care decisions.

My H screwed us over financially, again. As I am doing paperwork regarding finances, I keep thinking, to myself, “Fucker. I stay for the kids. My youngest is 20...yeah, I stay because it’s easier than leaving. This way my kids won’t hate me.”

Confessional #24855324

Been listening to DH go on for 12 yrs about how I deserve better, says he needs to stop blowing all his money, says he needs to have self control and lose weight etc etc etc. I obviously don’t deserve better bc he never changes a damn thing. Empty words

Confessional #25783786

We could literally live a different lifestyle but H spends over $300/mo on smokes and junk food that’s in addition to the $250/wk groceries that I buy. Even though he’s a good man it makes it Really Hard for me to not resent him, we need that money

Confessional #25783776

Many women in these confessions resent having to be in charge of the family finances, and many wish they had more control.

I just realized DH order $90 worth of crap for HIMSELF on Amazon, when the kids need summer clothes. But I can't say anything because then he bitches that he's not allowed to spend "his" money. I fucking hate him.

Confessional #25782510

If I ever marry again, I’d marry for money not love.

Confessional #25781424

If you don’t create and manage major goals together, like buying a home or traveling, it can create problems down the line since you’re not both saving for the same reasons.

Shared financial goals aren’t easy to stick to, but they’d make life a hell of a lot easier for the person shouldering all the money worries alone.

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