From The Confessional: Cancer Freaking Sucks And You Are Not Alone

From The Confessional: F*ck Cancer

confessionalI-cancer-sucks
Virojt Changyencham/Getty

Cancer sucks. There is no other way to put it than being blunt. It robs us of time. It robs us of memories we could make with our loved ones. It changes us in ways we never anticipated, and forces us to live with all-consuming grief.

The only comforting notion that cancer provides is that it does not discriminate. We’ve all either lost someone we love to cancer, sat with someone in their grief as they mourned, stood alongside them in their valiant fight, or fought it ourselves.

Whether you’re facing a scary diagnosis, waiting on test results, or missing someone who fought as hard as they could but eventually their body gave out, read through the Scary Mommy confessional. You’ll see that there are so many others right there with you, in the same place you’re in. You are not alone.

Confessional #25768776

“My mom died today-fuck cancer”

Confessional #25778158

“Breast cancer in November, haven’t worked in a month, unemployment dragging their feet, and now I have an aneurysm in my abdomen. I’m only 42. I’m clearly a shit magnet.”

Confessional #25784104

“I don't want to be a cancer survivor. I don't want to be part of that club. I have two fucked up breasts, no lymph nodes in my right arm pit, and I DON'T WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE CANCER SURVIVORS DAY.”

Confessional #25761527

“I miss having a friend I can share big belly laughs with. My Bestie died 2 years ago. I don't have any other friends by design. She was the only friend here that got me. I hate this town. Fuck cancer!”

Cancer makes you angry. And that’s a completely rational, normal, understandable emotion to feel.

Confessional #25784103

“My husband and I haven't had sex in I-don't-know-how-many years. And I don't have a drop of desire. After a child, breast cancer treatment, and growing older, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.”

It changes everything. Like EVERYTHING.

Confessional #25782128

“Had a needle biopsy of my breast on Friday, and won't find out until Thursday that it's cancer. I know it's cancer. I just want to know for sure, and then I want to cut both these tits off.”

Confessional #25767472

“Praying to whatever god there is that it's not cancer... Tried the "let it go" thing for a week as per counselors advice to see how my household would take it.... all it did was multiply my workload 1000 fold...”

Confessional #25770841

“Have intense feeling I have something terminal drs aren't finding/taking seriously. Haven't felt right in two yrs. Only getting worse. Too many close ppl dx w terminal cancer in the last year. I'm scared.”

Confessional #25773290

“Exhausted, scared, nervous, on edge...all me. No work in over a week. Trying to clean out stuff and pack for upcoming move, but so overwhelmed I just want to sleep. Having stomach and chest pain that I’m paranoid is breast cancer recurrence.”

The waiting game is torture. Just breathe and take it one minute, one hour, and one day at a time.

Confessional #25764595

“Its the end time for my mom who has cancer. Numb.”

Confessional #25779280

“I don’t even know who to tell anymore that I can’t sleep and I spend hours during the night, crying and holding our pet rabbit. Lost my dad to cancer 2 weeks before the quarantine and the grief coupled with the uncertainty is too much.”

Confessional #25777022

“I want my husband back. He was my best friend. I want to feel him against me again. I can't believe he's gone. He passed away 6 weeks ago. Cancer sucks.”

Confessional #25770508

“I just need the people I love to stop getting cancer.”
The grief can buckle your legs right out from under you. It’s unlike anything else in the world.

Confessional #25776525

“I know it's irrational of me, but it almost seems like the treatment is what killed Dad - not the cancer. He had been feeling good when the cancer was diagnosed. When he started chemotherapy is when he started feeling terrible and wasting away.”

Confessional #25775953

“I do not understand why God would make 2 people so right for each other, and then let the cancer kill him so young.”
It makes you question everything you thought you knew.

Confessional #25775402

“As if the virus isn’t scary enough, I have gotten the diagnosis of breast cancer. Fml”
And while there’s never a “good” time to get the news, a diagnosis now—during this pandemic—is a real kick in the teeth.

Confessional #25767484

“Got bad bloodwork back. It might be cancer. I have no one to confide in. I feel so alone.”

Confessional #25769364

“Family will be there for you. What a load of crap. Spouse got cancer & siblings never called or visited. After died they are dead to me. Let them sit around & fake happy family. We are finally free of them. They were people we tolerated, nothing more.”

Confessional #25767475

“They were all there for and supported H's ex when she landed herself in the hospital multiple times... I'm facing cancer and get blown off....”

Confessional #25760051

“Nothing will show you how little you matter to people or how small your circle is (nonexistent) like getting cancer and having surgery. Pity party, table for one.”

There are people in your life who will be there. And some who won’t. It might shock you as you find out who you can truly count on. But even if you’re surrounded by loved ones, there might be days when you just feel completely alone.

Cancer is an evil beast that seems to take everything from us. But the truth is, it doesn’t. It doesn’t take our love for one another. It doesn’t take our joyful memories. And it doesn’t take our pride in all we’ve accomplished. If we keep standing up, together, against this monster, we might be able to finally defeat it someday. For now, if you need to scream fuck cancer into the void, do it. If you need to cry or break something, do it. But know this: Cancer does not define you. You are more than this disease. You are strong. And you are loved.