From the Confessional: Real Talk About Being In Our 40s

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Real Talk About Being In Our 40s

Let’s talk about what life is really like when you’re in your 40s. You’re not old (by great-grandma standards) but you’re not young (if you ask a teenager). There’s a reason they call it “middle age” and that’s because you’re kind of stuck in the middle. You can probably still run around town picking your kids up from 900 activities, squeeze a workout in, and stay up late drinking wine with your bestie once in a while. But it takes longer to get up off the ground after building LEGO and the gray hairs multiply by the day.

Health issues you ignored in your 20s are worse now, and your body is like okay, I hear ya. Loud and clear. You have a greater appreciation for your own mortality because unlike in your 20s when everyone was getting married and then in your 30s when everyone was having kids, being in your 40s is when lots of people start losing their parents and it’s terrifying.

But most importantly, the sex is better in your 40s. Maybe it’s your newfound confidence and IDGAF attitude. Or maybe it is your realization that you’re almost halfway through this gig called life, so you better have the hot sex while the hot sex can be had. But truly there’s nothing more empowering than knowing you’re a still sex kitten—belly flab, gray pubes, and all.

In my 20s I wore full makeup, dressed up daily, bleached my hair, tanned, ate vegan and worked out like crazy. In my 40s I seldom wear makeup, walk leisurely for exercise, hang out in leggings and a messy bun and rarely ever go out. I like me now better.

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I wish I could take the confidence I have now in my 40s and put it in my 20 something body.

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As I get into my 40s, I'm much more motivated to take great care of my skin, using only natural substances, and let my face be my beauty instead of wearing makeup. On this quest, I discovered that yes, you CAN grow your eyelashes with castor oil! :D

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Now that I am in my 40s I come to work makeup free and with my hair thrown in a bun on top of my head! I would have never been comfortable enough in my 20s or even 30s to do that! One perk of getting older, I suppose

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Everyone said you give fewer fucks about stupid shit like wrinkles and belly fat once you hit 40, and you know what? They were right. Being in your 40s means having more confidence and feeling comfortable going all natural because you know your actual face is 100x better without a shit-ton of makeup.

I laugh when I think about all the "amazing sex" I thought I was having in my 20s. Sex is so much better now in my 40s. Guys actually know that they're doing and want to satisfy you. Sure, I'm not as hot as I was then but oh well!!

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Sex in your 40s is FANTASTIC. I have a higher sex drive now than I ever did in my 20s.

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Gave my BF the most amazing blow job last night. Sex in my 40s is hotter than anything I ever did in my 20s!

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Get it, hot stuff. Get all of it.

So far, dating men in their late 30s/early 40s is a whole lotta NOPE. They're all out to use as many women as they can for their personal gratification b/c they feel owed for whatever they think they missed in their marriage. Fuck that noise.

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So, heads-up, internet dating in your 30s/40s is full of men wanting to exert the least possible effort to use the most possible women for sex, and who will stop at nothing to deceive you into it. In other words, SOSDFD w/ men, don't waste your time.

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I love my BF so much. But this relationship has an expiration date. I can see no way that we can make it last. It hurts, but that's what's real. When it ends, I guess that's it for me. In my 40s, and will die alone.

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However, although we hear the sex is great, word on the street is that dating in your 40s is not. Come on, guys. Can you puh-lease grow TF up and have a functional grownup relationship?

I’m a teacher. My job was a shit ton of work BEFORE this pandemic... now it’s TWO shit tons of work for the same low-ass pay and I am all kinds of over it. Mid 40s career change?

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I'm really starting to consider leaving this marriage. I'm happier alone; H is happier alone. We're in our late 40s and have no children together. Maybe this is for the best? I want to move back to where I belong.

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We’re also old enough to finally know what we want, and we’re less scared to take a risk to go get it.

I feel like my peers are far ahead of me and know more about important things like saving for retirement. I feel so dumb and behind in life. Mid 40s, kids near fully grown, we never made it out of our starter home, i have no clue how we'll ever retire.

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DH and I are moving into what most people would consider a starter house. We’re in our late 40s. This is the best we can do. Still far better than our parents ever did.

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I feel like I am the only adult in my 40s who rents a home and cannot afford to buy.

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Unfortunately, being in your 40s can make you feel like you’re falling behind your peers who pulled ahead in their prosperous 30s. And it can really suck to be working your ass off, barely scraping by, while your college roommate buys her second beach house.

DH has decided he doesn’t want another baby and DGAF what I want. I am in my mid 40s. Time is running out for me and I hate him for making that decision without any discussion or input. Biological clock is real. I want to go and fuck some random stranger

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I am so sick of people I know dying. Be prepared—in your 20s and 30s everyone you know is getting married and having babies. In your 40s, you start losing grandparents, parents, and friends’ parents. And it sucks.

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I am now terrified about my parents' mortality. It was easier to think of losing grandparents, because they were more "old" (but not really). Welcome to my mid 40s :(

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It can feel like a clock is ticking … on your youth, on your fertility, on your ability to prepare for retirement, on your life as a whole.

Endometriosis is the fucking worst. Bad enough it gave me years of horrible periods and prevented conceiving without IVF. But now in my mid 40s I have horrific pain like 15 days a month. And this is after numerous surgeries. So done with it.

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Between stress, motherhood, being in my 40s, and now Hashimoto’s disease I’m bigger than I’ve ever been. Fuck this weight. I feel like I’m never going to be the me that I feel inside ever again. When I see pictures of myself I’m horrified.

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I have SUCH bad period pain in my mid-40s. :(

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I am so done with periods. As I have gotten older, my periods are so much painful and they come more frequently. I’m in my mid 40s, and I’m definitely not having any more children. What’s the damn point?

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It’s harder to stay healthy and fight off shit we used to ignore years ago. Our metabolism is now in the toilet and we get that super extra fun bonus known in the menstrual world as perimenopause.

I’m in my 40s and watch more TikToks than my teen. So embarrassing

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I like to read and write fanfiction. I am in my 40s. I feel like I am the oldest person on fanfiction websites.

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But you know what? We’re also old enough to do what TF we want. And that might mean watching TikTok videos. (Or making them.) Or reading or writing or watching whatever else fills us up, and giving zero shits about what anyone thinks. Being 40 means being free.

So if you’re in your 40s and can’t eat a cookie anymore without gaining weight, we say fuck that noise. Eat the cookie, love your body for what it is—a body that’s in its 5th decade on earth—and enjoy life. Stop stressing about jeans that don’t fit (fuck jeans). Stop buying into the lie that women aren’t supposed to age. And stop giving energy to toxic people who drag you down. Hate your job? Try a new path. Hate where you live? Try a new city. In a sex rut? Try a new position.

You’re only in your 40s, you know. You’ve still got the rest of your life to live.

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