From The Confessional: You Are Cracking Us Up With Your Big Feelings About 'The Elf'

by Team Scary Mommy
The Elf on the Shelf/Facebook

It’s the most magical time of the year! Kids are writing up their wish lists… the first few snowflakes are falling… our houses smell like candy canes and fresh pine needles … there’s merriment all around…

Haha WTF is this, a Mary Poppins Christmas special? In reality, we are already beyond exhausted trying to check all the “Christmas magic” boxes. Did you make cookies? Listen to Christmas carols? Write a letter to Santa? Make a gingerbread house? Build a snowman? Decorate the tree? Hang up lights? Remember to actually turn them on every night? Do an advent calendar? Remember the “reason for the season” and make sure to give to those in need? Get everything on your kids’ lists? On your spouse’s list? On your parents’ lists and in-laws’ lists? Buy teacher gifts?

And now you’re beyond overwhelmed and hate the holidays. FUN!

That’s why when the creepy-ass, annoying AF “Elf on the Shelf” entered our world, lots of moms were like hell to the fucking no. Want to know why? Because we are tired of killing ourselves to make this season memorable and magical and sprinkle all the holiday fairy Santa dust all over the month of December. Do NOT give us one more thing to do. Do NOT.

I was already feeling fed up with the elf on the shelf posts, when an acquaintance added me to an elf on the shelf ideas group without asking me. I removed myself and unfriended her. #decemberfeels

Confessional #25760385

I'm unfollowing all my Facebook and Instagram friends who are posting Elf on the Shelf pics. I fucking hate that creepy little monster.

Confessional #1672900

I'm dreading social media at Christmas time...mostly because of all of the obnoxious Elf on the Shelf pictures posted by other parents on FB. I wish I could tell my friends how annoying it is!

Confessional #1590826

I hate your Elf on the Shelf. I hope tomorrow night's inane facebook post is "Night 72. Jingles has finally cracked. He left a note stained w/tears talking about my Type A over-achiever personality and ODed on syrup."

Confessional #1410250

We don’t want a stupid elf in our house, and we don’t want to hear about it in your house either. So shut it, Mary Ellen, or else you’re blocked. (Happy holidays though!)

I do all of the things. DH says yes to DD8 about an Elf on the Shelf. He has no clue the amount of work. Tried explaining. He thinks the Elf doing something once a week is good enough. Don't do it unless you are going to do it right. So frustrated!

Confessional #25760121

Stepmom sent us an elf on the shelf several years ago. Hells to the no! I will full time, have two kids, and already struggle to get gifts bought and wrapped and house decorated. No elf for us! No guilt either!

Confessional #19994954

MIL got DD2 Elf on the Shelf for Christmas. I gave her the elf to play with and put the book away. I'm not doing that stupid elf bullshit every year.

Confessional #2075830

Do not bring an elf into our lives as just another thing Mom has to deal with. We’re looking at you, MILs. Sure, your sweet cherub grandkids would love their own little Elfie, but are YOU remembering to move that little fucker at 11 p.m. after a day full of tantrums and wiping tiny butts? No, you are not. So butt out of our elf-free holiday. Your grandkids are fine.

Now our elf on the shelf has to compete with DD's classroom elf on the shelf?? WTF?? Can everyone please dial Christmas down a notch??

Confessional #25759794

The activity committee at work wants all the departments to participate in an elf on the shelf challenge. Something about themes or whatever. No. Just, no.

Confessional #19409494

So now the stupid Elf on the Shelf brings gifts to the children?? Fuck you, overachiever moms.

Confessional #25759505

I am mad at the overachiever parents who have an elf on the shelf for each child. I can barely remember to move the one elf, no way am I going to manage the daily antics of three elves.

Confessional #20377819

Seriously, can all the overachievers just dial. it. down. Sorry if we’re Grinch-y. But our houses are festive enough, thanks.

I let DD9 think our Elf on the Shelf lost his magic because she accidentally touched him yesterday, when it was actually the tired mumma that forgot to move the damn thing!!

Confessional #19805017

Well the cat beat up the Elf on the Shelf and now the kids are traumatized.

Confessional #19796295

I went to an adult x-mas show and everyone was assigned funny name tags and mine was Santa's Little Fluffer. I left the nametag and my son saw it and wondered if his elf on the shelf's name was "Fluffer."

Confessional #1677977

We're not doing Elf On The Shelf this Christmas - Last Christmas, he made the mistake of hiding somewhere that the dog could reach him and shredded him. Good dog!

Confessional #19044250

Those who’ve already gone down this road know that the Elf might bring kids joy, but it also brings alllll the parenting fails. Sometimes, however, those “fails” turn into parenting “wins.” (*Good dog.*)

Kids ruined Christmas for me.. I effing hate the elf on the shelf and all the stress of making Christmas magical... I really can't wait till they figure out the fat bastard in the red suit is a lie!

Confessional #19982895

I've never done the elf on the shelf crap. My husband threatened the kids with Grinch on the bench though. He sits there all month and calculates how bad you've been so he can decide how many of your gifts he's going to steal.

Confessional #6450064

We don't do Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, elf on the shelf, none of that shit. Can't say in real life bc then I get the obnoxious "you must be fun" comments. Whatever our kids are still happy lol

Confessional #23020126

So if you’re still on Team No Elf, we get it. You’re not alone. There is only so much “magic” we can commit to before we literally become a shell of who we used to be — an ashy half-awake human, sitting in the corner, on Christmas day, too tired to even get up to pour another cup of coffee, exhausted beyond measure after being a fucking holiday magic-maker for weeks on end.

And if you actually do love the elf, great. Can you come move ours? Thanks.