From The Confessional: That Doesn't Sound Very Social Distance-y

by Karen Johnson
From the Confessional: That Doesn't Sound Very Social Distance-y
MoMo Productions/Getty

2020 has brought so many new terms into our lives. Remember back in February before “social distancing” and “quarantine” and “mask mandates” were a part of our regular vocabulary? Such simple times those were. But March brought a whole new world to our doorsteps. Suddenly we could no longer hug Grandma and arrows appeared on the floor of grocery store aisles and the newest fashion statement became a face covering.

And now that we are several months in, our patience has run out. We are done being nice to maskholes who willingly and intentionally drag this out longer by refusing to comply. We are done being kind to neighbors having 50 people over for a pool party. We have no patience left for the MIL who can’t pray at home and insists on exposing herself to hundreds of unmasked church go-ers and for Uncle Steve who still insists this giant nightmare is a “hoax.”

Here are some Scary Mommy confessions reflecting similar frustrations—both with COVID-19 itself and with Nancy, the ignorant neighbor who won’t do her part by social distancing.

I wish Covid only affected the assholes refusing to social distance and wear masks instead of infecting innocent people who are doing their best to stay safe.

Confessional #25788918

Lady screamed at me for wearing a mask at the store. Am I bothering you by trying to keep my distance and wear my mask? No. Then shut up Karen. I'd break social distance to fight a bitch like that.

Confessional #25784835

In AR, went to the store Sat. Tried to social distance, wore gloves. Hardly anyone else was! Asshats! The AR US Sen. calls it "China Virus." Great way to spread hate a-hole! Hopefully, the dumbasses here don't kill me bf I can move in a few yrs!

Confessional #25774058

This virus really brought the assholes out of the woodwork, didn’t it? And because we’re living through a pandemic, rather than just being annoying, they’re actually making our country suffer greater harm with their assholery.

I have lost a ton of respect for my friend because she is a nurse and is completely disregarding social distancing guidelines while dragging her young kids and unborn child along with her. If she gets sick, she will expect sympathy and get none from me!

Confessional #25780728

My neighbors aren’t even trying to social distance. People come over to their house all the time. Fuck them and their ugly ass mailbox flower bed.

Confessional #25778790

I'm watching my two neighbors have a pool party. They're over social distancing. I hope they all get COVID.

Confessional #25779255

I live in Arizona! Not one family on my street practices social distancing! This will not end well. I will continue to do instant cart. I'm NOT getting this shit!!

Confessional #25787719

Neighbors and friends we used to think of as kind, considerate people are cut out of our lives. We no longer have room for their bullshit as we watch from afar as they blatantly refuse to social distance and therefore put the rest of us at risk.

I feel like the only mom thats still social distancing with friends and outside family members.

Confessional #25788671

I feel like I’m the only person left in my state who is staying at home and social distancing. Everyone thinks we are paranoid, yet cases continue to rise.

Confessional #25787389

I know so many people who are not social distancing. WTF.

Confessional #25778181

We feel like we are the only ones still doing our part, and it fucking sucks. Because we are lonely. Our kids are lonely. But guess what’s still all around us? A highly contagious, deadly virus.

H was so loud this morning he woke the kids and me up at 5. If I did that to him he'd be livid. He's also not social distancing. Break a leg on that precious ride of yours. Asshole.

Confessional #25778751

My in-laws are elderly, high-risk, and they love Fox News. They refuse to social distance. They’re why C19 is spreading.

Confessional #25775255

My sister refuses to social distance. She still has friends over. Wanted to have a prayer group meet in person, but then said people might be too squeamish. It's a fucking pandemic, you asshole!

Confessional #25774317

It’s been a great two months without my dear ss because his bm won’t social distance but my DH misses him and we’re getting home for two months to make up for it. Guess whose going to be watching him while DH works 10 hr shifts

Confessional #25781046

DS21's girlfriend is flying in after her going home when colleges closed. They haven't seen each other in 2 months, and he's got an apartment to himself. Somehow, I don't think they'll stay 6 inches apart - much less the 6 feet for social distancing.

Confessional #25780672

The worst is when it’s our own family members being selfish. But everyone has to make their own choice—follow health and safety guidelines and do your part in fighting this beast, or don’t. And they’ll have to live with the consequences of their choice.

My area is going to start loosening social distancing rules in the next couple of weeks. Great. Now my in-laws are gonna up our asses about visits soon. Ugh.

Confessional #25779453

If not for social distancing I would have started it back up with that it’s been this long I think I’m good. I love him and he’s hott but sometimes when I check his FB I just roll my eyes and think, what a doofus

Confessional #25780768

Then there are the few who hope social distancing sticks around for a while, for one reason or another.

For now, we need to keep social distancing, folks. And wear masks. And wash hands often. And listen to science and medical experts. This isn’t over, as much as we wish it was. So keep waving to your neighbors from across the street, hold off on hosting those big pool parties, and keep chatting with friends via Zoom.

Six feet, friends! Six feet.